DeRamos.org: It's a Blog.

Resolutions: Work harder, live simpler, and avert the Apocalypse.

2012-01-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year, everyone!

Merry Christmas, or the First Day of Christmas, Followed by Five Days of Anticlimax, Then New Year's Eve, and Concluding with Five Days of Disappointment...

2011-12-25T01:37:00.000-08:00

In societies with the big holiday shopping season (after Halloween through Christmas Eve), in which the pop culture is intertwined with the three-act dramatic structure, Christmas culminates on Christmas morning, when people open their gifts. The song "The Twelve Days of Christmas" has been rewritten as follows:

On the first day of Christmas, my friends and family gave to me: A lot of stuff! On the second day of...ah, screw it: Five days anticlimactic -- then New Year's Eve! Five days of resolution, before I give up! (...or something like that.)

Anyhow, I'd like to post the past couple of years' worth of holiday music I've recorded and produced. Depending on your time zone and holiday habits (if any), many of you have already opened your presents and the big Christmas build-up is over. For some of you who haven't opened your presents yet, and for those who are fortunate enough to celebrate 12 days of non-anticlimactic Christmas, here are the mp3s (right-click and save as...):

We Three Kings (whose day happens on the 13th day of Christmas, if I remember correctly)
O Christmas Tree
Jingle Bells
It Came upon the Midnight Clear
O Holy Night
God Rest You Merry Gentlemen

Tracks other than holiday music can be found at my other site, DeRamos Music. Cheers, Merry Christmas, and, in case I don't blog here for a while, Happy New Year!

Note to Self: Blog.

2011-11-30T16:44:00.000-08:00

...and thus fulfills my self-ordained monthly obligation to post something on this blog. But seriously, one of my potential New Year's resolutions is to write more on this site (or any of the others, really).

Well, that's it for now. Here's to the impending month of December...

Arrigo Pola and the Family Pipes

2011-10-31T00:42:00.000-07:00

Several decades ago, when my dad was a child, his father -- my grandfather, of course -- was cast in a production of Il trovatore at the regional opera house. Although many of the details have been obscured by the passage of time, my dad remembers that he played with my grandfather's prop sword, which seemed to be a real sword, whenever my grandfather came home from rehearsal. My dad also remembers his father practicing at home, singing with an otherworldly set of operatic pipes this side of Luciano Pavarotti (more on him later).

After many weeks of rehearsal, the night at the opera arrived. Of all the siblings in the household, my dad was chosen to go with his mother -- my grandmother, naturally -- to watch my grandfather perform in the opera.

Before the show started, my dad heard a voice warming up from behind the curtain. In his mind, my dad knew that this was his father's loud and clear singing voice. When they raised the curtain, however, the voice was not my grandfather's, but that of Arrigo Pola, the star of this production of Il trovatore. Please take a listen to Pola's rendition of "Ah! si ben mio," which is from the aforementioned opera:

A few years later, Pola would transform a young singer named Luciano Pavarotti into the legendary tenor. This pupil that would outshine his teacher so much, that you can't really find a clear photo of Pola on the Internet. You would also be hard-pressed to find recordings of Pola, other than 11 tracks on YouTube and a single audio interview. It would be just my luck that this blog entry would be up there in the few searches for Arrigo Pola!

As for my grandfather -- several decades later, his wife would sit at the piano, while he would sing in a clear, albeit less powerful, tenor voice. I was less than a year old when my grandfather passed away, so I can't recall his beautiful tenor. In any case, from the moment Il trovatore opened that night, my dad would associate Arrigo Pola's voice with his father's. Recently, my brother found the few Pola recordings on YouTube, and he shared them with our dad. Sure enough, my dad heard his father through those recordings.

Would you care to listen to another recording of my grandfather, I mean, Arrigo Pola? This one's from the sad clown opera, Pagliacci:

As for me, I am on a quest to find the family pipes. I doubt I inherited these particular set of vocal cords, even though I inherited the desire to attempt at some sort of singing. Strangely enough, in 2004, there was a really good operatic singer who sang at a college commencement ceremony that I attended. The singer had long hair, and I had long hair (I still do). The punchline being sort of obvious: Lots of people complimented me for that singer's performance. I gladly accepted the compliments, on his behalf, of course.

As for the photo to the left -- that's as close to the sad clown as I'll get, in all likelihood.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot: Happy Halloween!

Can't a Dog Get a License in This Town?

2011-09-13T00:42:00.000-07:00

To protect all innocent parties, and to make this post even more ridiculous, let's call the town in question: The City of "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You" by Michael Bolton, or How Am I Supposed to Live Without You for short.

After my puppy Kate received her rabies vaccination a couple of weeks ago, the quest to finally get her license from the city began. In this day and age, the first place to go to would be the official website of the city where Kate resides. The county, which covers all unincorporated areas and a couple of stray cities, has a very detailed and helpful website when it comes to licensing dogs and cats.

Unfortunately, the official website of How Am I Supposed to Live Without You wasn't very helpful regarding dog licenses. A Google search of the website (I typed in "site:URL-in-question dog license") revealed only one bit of slightly useful information: A number of years ago, a city-wide audit revealed that How Am I Supposed to Live Without You charged, at least at the time, the lowest fee for dog licenses, compared to neighboring cities.

Great. Other than giving me hope of saving a few dollars here and there, I still didn't know where exactly to spend those dollars to get a dog license for Kate. I had to downgrade my use of technology and use a telephone, but who could I call?

Fortunately, the City of How Am I Supposed to Live Without You has its own police department and its own animal control division. The dog catcher would know where to get a dog license! After searching for numbers listed on their website, I called How Am I Supposed to Live Without You's animal control, and they didn't give me any information, like pricing or whatever. Instead, they forwarded me to the finance department's phone line, which had an automated menu (Press 1, Press 2, etc.), which led me to their voicemail. No matter what sequence of numbers I pressed, I got their voicemail. Apparently the finance department seemed to be perpetually at lunch, and I didn't have the time to wait around for a return call.

Thanks so far, How Am I Supposed to Live Without You. (I was being sarcastic.) It was time to formulate a new plan: Actually go to City Hall and demand some freakin' information! My taxes pay for this information, information to allow me to pay more city fees!

A day or so later, last Friday, my brother and I went on an adventure to the downtown section of How Am I Supposed to Live Without You, possibly to break through the City Council's chamber doors and interrupt a meeting of the finance department -- to get a dog-gone dog license. I rarely go downtown. The last time I did was to apply for a business license some years back. Unlike dog licenses, the city's website was pretty comprehensive when it came to business licenses. The area around City Hall is probably the oldest part of town. It had a sense of history, unlike the organized suburban tract sprawl in newer parts of the city. I think Huell Howser should pay a visit to How Am I Supposed to Live Without You's downtown area, if he hadn't already.

Appropriately approaching the status of shaggy dog story, we discovered that City Hall closed on Fridays. I'm guessing this is because of the sad economic state of pretty much everything these days.

And so the Fellowship of the Dog License, my brother and I, returned on Monday to City Hall. We went to the police department headquarters, which is inside City Hall, and the lone officer (not to be confused with a loan officer -- okay, there is no time for puns within a parenthetical) inside told us to go to the long line nearby to the cashier.

Most of the people in this line were probably paying a late electric bill or something to that effect. Anyhow, this was the correct place to purchase a dog license. The cashier was helpful, and the license cost $9 -- probably the lowest in the county -- yes, $9 and about a week's worth of sleuthing, err, bumbling.

The moral of the story goes to cities with websites: Fill your website with some relevant information. You don't have to put everything in it, just some information relevant to a sizable portion of your population. I'm pretty sure that households with dogs (and cats) make up a sizable portion of the City of How Am I Supposed to Live Without You, so I hope they will update their website accordingly.

Otherwise I would have to run for mayor, and no one wants that -- especially me.

I Can't Remember 10 Hours Ago, Let Alone 10 Years Ago (But I'll Try)

2011-09-11T23:55:00.000-07:00

To sort of understand the ~~little~~ nuances of this flawed recollection of September the 11th, 2001, we'll have to jump further back to late February of that year. I was in college. Around that time, on a whim, I had signed up to be an ordained minister -- via the Internet, which was accessed through dial-up America Online at home. Back in those days, I lived my life as arbitrary and "for the hell of it" as possible (perhaps I still do).

After class one day in late February -- a Tuesday or a Wednesday -- there was a Red Cross van, accepting blood donations. So I thought, "Why the hell not?" and went for the free juice and cookie. I felt pretty good about donating blood, and I probably went to another class later that afternoon.

I essentially forgot about the whole blood-letting ordeal until I received a letter from the Red Cross months later, explaining that they had to reject my donation of red blood cells because there was some weird stuff floating around in it. (Seriously. WTF?) Not wanting to have the reputation of literal bad blood -- and confident of my own blood's awesomeness -- I made an appointment to go to one of the Red Cross' special buildings to have my blood tested (and vindicated!).

The appointment was for Tuesday, September the 11th, sometime during the day. Anyway, let's backtrack for a bit to August the 11th. I had invited some of my closest friends from high school to my house for some pizza, soda (as we were in that lame adult limbo between 18 and 21 at the time), and general mellow merriment. I guess I had to mention that bit of the summer because the date just sticks out in my head.

The fall quarter at my university hadn't started yet, so early September was still prime vacation time. I don't remember what I did on Monday, September the 10th, but I must have had a late night (early 11th) because I slept in. I think I woke up to the sound of my answering machine picking up a message, or from a family member (my mom or my brother) telling me that there was a voicemail for me on the answering machine. It was an employee from the Red Cross informing me that we should probably ~~cancel~~ postpone the blood test, due to -- and I can confidently quote this from memory -- "the bombings on the East Coast."

She said bombings. No one really knew was was going on exactly at the time this Red Cross employee called my home. Well, you probably know the story from there. I think I called or used America Online to make sure my friends were OK. Some of them travel a lot, and at least one of them studied on the East Coast at the time.

Well, if you were wondering, my blood did have its judgment day at the Red Cross. I also wrote a decent check (for a starving college student) to donate to the Red Cross. Anyhow, the results came in weeks later, and my blood was good to go -- at least it was good to go, ten years ago. (I'm fairly confident it's good these days as well -- fairly confident.)

Sometime between September and November of 2001, my family got our first DVD player. On November 11th, I got ridiculously sick from a bad cold or flu. I remember this because on that day, I -- arbitrarily, for the hell of it, of course -- vowed to no longer use over-the-counter medicine whenever I got sick or got allergies. I essentially gave myself medical hell for no good reason, yes, for the hell of it. (Fast-forward to 2004, I had enough of my drug boycott and took a Sudafed. It was a freakin' relief.)

I remember I proto-blogged (wrote and manually published HTML web pages) about my thoughts and feelings for several months after September 11th, 2001. These thoughts from a 19 or 20 year old might be floating somewhere in cyberspace and/or in my CD-R/DVD+R/external hard drive, data-hoarding archives. But that's it, I guess.

Now I have to get back doing what I do -- maybe not "best" -- but I sure like it. I'm making music. Right. About. Now.

August: A Month in Mundane Review

2011-08-31T00:00:00.000-07:00

Another month has passed me by, and I have very little to show in the realm of blogging about it. However, judging from various Twitter tweets, Facebook status updates, Google+ re-postings of the tweets and updates, and some random notebook entries -- it seems that I have filled this month with a lot of mundane (with random bursts of awesome)...living.

In August 2011, I --

Made enchiladas. Baked a chocolate cake. Went to the Post Office. Shopped at Target. Ate at Souplantation. Bought groceries at Stater Bros. Purchased a lot of Ensure drinks at Rite-Aid. Watched a Harry Potter movie marathon over the course of a week or so (spoiler alert: Neville Longbottom is the hero of the story). Had my one and only nosebleed of the summer thus far. Attempted to learn how to illustrate. Sketched and colored the above illustration of myself. Tried my best to deal with a puppy suffering from massive diarrhea (Kate eventually got better). Made various grilled sandwiches. Dealt with contractors. Bought chicken at El Pollo Loco. Bought a laser pointer. Watched my puppy Kate chase the laser. Bought 20 pieces of fried chicken at Popeye's (it was their two pieces for a dollar on Tuesday deal, but that's no excuse for gluttony). Took Kate to yet another veterinarian check-up. Bought 24 soft tacos at Del Taco (seriously, am I like a Conehead or something?). Jammed with Seven Minute Silence. Went to the 99¢ Store. Bought Chinese food at Panda Express. Watched The Sorcerer's Apprentice, which was a letdown after the Harry Potter marathon. Did some moderate couponing (not quite extreme couponing) at Target. Went to the bank. Was strangely complimented for my penmanship of numbers on my deposit slip. Went to Petco. Made scrambled eggs. Fried bologna (but there's no way to make bologna taste good). Made omelets. Made a hamburger pie (the only recipe from a Bisquick box worth making). Watched Marley & Me with Kate. Ordered lots of stuff at Amazon.com. Fiddled with guitar effects. Began to search for a better dog harness, since Kate chewed through hers (naughty puppy!).

Of course there are more things that I didn't bother to record for posterity, most likely equally trivial, but there you have it -- the majority of one month, with one day to go.

Where Has the Month of July Gone?

2011-07-31T23:35:00.000-07:00

Last month, the month of June, went by super-slowly. In my perception of time, last month was a crawl. This month -- as I type during the last moments of July -- has gone by way too fast for my liking. Anyhow, I'd like to take this opportunity to state some of my blogging goals for next month. I've already re-booted my FoodBoozeTunes blog, so I hope it will eventually become an interesting foodie/booze-hound/recipe/review website, with several readers (perhaps).

As for here at DeRamos.org, I have several topics lined up, and hopefully I can put my fingers a-clackin' on my keyboard and create some ridiculous, yet hopefully interesting, blog posts. I like writing, and I am determined to try to attempt to find the time to write more often...

...but I'd rather play with my puppy Kate instead. (OK, I'll try to make time for writing!)

On Domesticated Animal Ancestry

2011-06-30T22:01:00.000-07:00

About a week ago, I adopted a puppy, who eventually came to be known as Kate.

She's likely a Spanador -- part Labrador Retriever, part Cocker Spaniel. As with all domesticated dogs, she's descended from the gray wolf, so she definitely has badass flowing through her veins.

Wolf_Kolmården.jpg: Daniel Mott from Stockholm, Sweden
derivative work: Mariomassone

While Kate is definitely an adorable puppy, this is really not the point of this blog post. Since dogs came from wolves, I was hoping that domesticated cats came from an equally badass ancestor, like a tiger.

I was a bit disappointed to learn that the common ancestor to all housecats is a wildcat that looks like a housecat, but with pointy ears -- the African Wildcat.

African Wild Cat, photographed, by Sonelle, at the Johannesburg Zoo, South Africa.

You'd probably have to go back further in time for the common ancestor for both big cats and the aforementioned wild tabby. Well...tough break, kitty. (Then again, pointy wild kitty is probably a badass, too.)

Visit My Posterous Site: http://ryanderamos.com

2011-05-31T16:00:00.000-07:00

In the interest of separating all my varying interests, I've made my two-year old Posterous blog into a photo-blog of sorts. It will be a random assortment of crisp digital photos and pixelated cell phone uploads.

OK, maybe it won't be that random. Check out some hummingbird shots from last weekend:

We're still developing the previously-mentioned Tumblr site, A Terrible Realm, into a sort of storytelling site with macro photography (and LEGO bricks!).

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Check Out My Tumblr Blog

2011-04-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

http://aterriblerealm.com - The new blog is called A Terrible Realm. I have this big, overarching (and perhaps overwhelming) plan for A Terrible Realm, but let's not get into that right here. For now, I am using that Tumblr-powered blog to publicly test if my set building, photography, video editing, score composition, and storytelling skills are up to par. Also, I have to somehow reacquire the imagination and playtime skills that were perfected when I was around eight years old.

Yes, my friends -- I have to somehow regain, for lack of a better word, magic. Wish me luck!

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Review of Heart's 'Night at Sky Church'

2011-04-05T23:00:00.000-07:00

<meta> I usually don't write reviews at this particular blog (not recently, anyway). My friend Rama writes film reviews frequently (more frequently than humanly possible), so it came as a surprise that the production company behind the band Heart's concert film Night at Sky Church contacted me to watch and review a DVD of the aforementioned concert film.

Maybe it wasn't a surprise. In February, I recorded a rather gluttonous and drunken (and perhaps sexist...in a good way) podcast while listening to a Heart greatest hits compilation album. That whole mess of a podcast can be found at FoodBoozeTunes, which is a blog about gluttonous, drunken awesomeness (but I digress). I think that podcast is somehow related to this new and exciting opportunity.

In any case, I agreed to review the film, and Miles High Productions sent me a DVD. I watched the DVD, and following is my review of Heart's Night at Sky Church. </meta>

This particular concert was recorded in 2010 at the Sky Church venue at the Experience Music Project museum in Seattle. The performance by Heart -- led by sisters Ann and Nancy Wilson -- was excellent. I daresay they were as spot-on as in the 1970s and 1980s. It would be rather impolite to reveal the Wilson sisters' ages at the time of this performance (Google it!), but Ann still has the pipes that can out-Plant Robert Plant and Nancy can do some crazy high kicks (take that, osteoporosis!) while strumming the guitar. The kids in popular music today, who are half or even a third of their age, probably can do neither. And yes, the rest of the band was really good, too. Guest performer Alison Krauss (who has, appropriately enough, collaborated with Robert Plant, or as I like to call him: Dude Ann Wilson) helped out the band for three songs in the middle of the show.

My only complaint about the performance is a facetious one: Ann Wilson should have played a crazy flute solo at some point during the concert.

The setlist was a mix of badass '70s Heart (i.e., "Crazy on You") and sappy '80s Heart (i.e., "These Dreams"), as well as some of their more recent material. Two songs from the performance were cut from the main concert film. They can be found in the DVD's bonus material section. I guess the producers cut those songs to make the show a good length for television broadcasts, like on PBS or wherever. It was a good show, and it seems that the venue is a good venue. (I'll have to make a visit to Sky Church one of these days.)

Having been involved in various audiovisual productions throughout the years, critiquing the concert film from a technical viewpoint might be problematic on a personal level. It's great that the production crew got to use swooping crane shots and the latest in high-definition cameras. It's great that the post-production crew got to keyframe certain shots for maximum effect, to break the perceived monotony of editing a musical performance. I've done these things before, in production and in post, and they are nothing short of wizardry.

However, as a fan of watching concert films, I'd rather not notice the production and editing techniques in play. I like the effective simplicity of Queen's concert videos. Pearl Jam's earlier concert DVDs were shot by their touring staff on modest pro-sumer camcorders. I like good, stable shots with appropriately-paced cutting (in addition to awesome sound, which should be a given in concert films). I think swooping crane shots should be kept to a minimum. I do not like the flashy, frantic production and editing, as seen in Coldplay's 2003 concert film (among others).

Production-wise, Heart's concert DVD was a hybrid of things I like and things I don't like. The camera work and editing for their slower songs were pretty tasteful. The editing called attention to itself during their badass, more aggressive songs. The multiple-box keyframing was okay; I've done that before, and it's a pretty cool technique. I didn't like the post-production, keyframed, fast digital zooms that occurred from time to time. Fortunately, the post-production indulgences of this DVD didn't approach Coldplay DVD levels.

Maybe I'm over-thinking the technical aspect of the DVD presentation. Maybe it's because I know how to do many of the techniques in play. Overall, the video production was well done. Again, I enjoyed the show.

Pics or it didn't happen.

Here is the track list for the DVD:

1. Barracuda
2. Never
3. Straight On
4. Love Alive
5. Mistral Wind
6. WTF
7. Hey You
8. Red Velvet Car
9. These Dreams
10. Safronia's Mark
11. Your Long Journey
12. What About Love
13. Alone
14. Crazy on You

Encore
15. Sand
16. Magic Man

Bonus Tracks
17. Back to Avalon
18. Kick It Out

If you're interested in watching the concert film, Night at Sky Church is available at retailers, online and off.

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I am the Eggman / They are the Eggmen / I am the...Calculus?

2011-03-09T00:16:00.000-08:00

This page of notes is from September 8th, 1999. Fast-forward to the present day, I can't tell you one lick of calculus (perhaps a refresher course might help), but the lyrics of "I Am the Walrus" still remain in my brain.

Goo goo g'joob.

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Semantics

2011-03-01T16:30:00.000-08:00

So I've spent all night installing various production programs and plug-ins, and soon this new Death Star (computer) will be fully operational! (As long as Lando Calrissian and Admiral Ackbar don't blow it up.)

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How to Possibly Fix Your Computer, Part Two

2011-02-28T21:12:00.000-08:00

The solution to the problem of the non-booting computer either had to do with two bad RAM modules or two bad RAM slots (and thus a very unhealthy, yet miraculously still working, motherboard). Sometime later I will determine whether it's a RAM stick or a slot/motherboard problem, but I'm glad the old computer is working again. (The installed Firewire card doesn't work either, so this might be a sign of an ailing motherboard.)

In any case, replacing the power supply unit (PSU) with a new one from CPUtopia, in my opinion, contributed to the ultimate diagnosis and solution. Replacing the hard drive's PCB (see Part One) cost about $40, and replacing the computer's PSU cost about $25. In the end, along with partly dealing with the RAM issue, I retrieved some irreplaceable data for about $65 in supplies (and a priceless amount of effort, research, experience, elbow grease, trial, and error).

Right now, I'm getting situated on a new machine. It's taking some time to make it like my trusty (now ailing) computer, but it's getting there -- and hopefully this setup will be an improvement. Okay, it is an improvement. I'm using my studio monitors to listen to iTunes mp3s, instead of using some tinny and tiny computer speakers -- so it's fantastic already!

So -- if you don't want to strain your eyes to read my poor penmanship -- the following non-exhaustive list could be the cause of a non-working, yet salvageable, computer:

1. Hard drive with bad master boot record (MBR). Use another computer to fix that hard drive. You'll need some special hard drive data and power cables.

2. Hard drive with fried printed circuit board (PCB). Replace it with an almost-exact PCB (chip, firmware, etc.).

3. Bad power supply unit (PSU). Replace it with a new one, compatible with your computer.

4. Bad RAM. Remove the bad module(s), and deal with a slower machine for now, or until you can get some good RAM modules. Hopefully the RAM expansion slots are still good. Otherwise the problem might be a...

5. Bad motherboard. If the slots are bad, don't install stuff in those slots. (That's what she...okay, okay, okay.) If things still don't work, you might have to replace the motherboard. You'd have to seek help from a professional computer nerd or something.

6. Some other issue...???

Now it could be possible to just take out the hard drive, and grab the files using another computer. You'd have to get some converter cables to plug one end to the hard drive and another to a USB port. If you need to deauthorize some applications, though, you'd have to do some fancy tricks to boot that hard drive somewhere else. Do some research, ask for some help (if necessary), and good luck!

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February Flu and Files

2011-02-28T08:00:00.000-08:00

That's my excuse; what's yours?

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How to Possibly Fix Your Computer, Part One

2011-02-28T05:38:00.000-08:00

I've spent a great deal of the month of February resurrecting an otherwise dead computer. Earlier this month, my desktop computer just refused to boot. The monitor had no display. I really needed the recent files stored in that computer (I hadn't backed up the hard drive in a couple of months), so this was a really frustrating time of trial and error.

In the scanned image above, I've jotted down a couple of hints, tips, and lessons I've learned about fixing non-booting computers and seemingly dead hard drives, since around 2006 (if not before). Anyhow, I'd like to give a shout out to the helpful folks at PCB Solution. Replacing the hard drive's printed circuit board (PCB) didn't fix the non-booting issue, but I'd like to think a new PCB contributed to the solution.

Stay tuned for more possible solutions to fix a dead computer/hard drive. And please pardon my ugly penmanship, which is a lot sloppier than before.

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The Future, Conan?

2011-02-08T15:17:00.000-08:00

I apologize for this long period of non-blogging, but I have been working on some super-secret awesome stuff as of late. Okay, I don't want to oversell it, so I have been working on some super-secret regular stuff as of late.

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The Dad List

2011-01-29T01:00:00.000-08:00

Okay, for the most part, the above list reads like a correspondence school commercial starring Sally Struthers, minus the bookkeeping and TV/VCR repair courses.

Back to the handwritten blog, above: Writing the more mythic (if not 100% factual, the Truth is in there) parts of The Dad List, it occurred to me that my dad is like The Most Interesting Man in the World, but ironically doesn't like Dos Equis beer. He likes other beer of arguably higher caliber. I should know; I'm his son.

Anyhow, Happy Birthday to my dad!

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(Transmitido en español por SAP)

2011-01-27T01:37:00.000-08:00

This is essentially Webcomic #21a, but in Spanish. Google Translate translated the first two panels. The combination of partially-remembered high school Spanish from last century and an intro Pimsleur course I took in 2009 enabled me to write the last two panels.

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Diachronism: Time Management

2011-01-25T20:41:00.000-08:00

This was more-or-less a stream-of-consciousness rant I wrote early this morning (late last night). Okay, I mostly strung together a bunch of self-truisms and some absurdities for which even I can't vouch. Maybe that means that I should add prophet to my list of skills and qualifications, but I'd rather stay in the present tense than predict the future.

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Perfect Answer

2011-01-25T02:49:00.000-08:00

Remember, kids: Anything more than perfect...is imperfect.

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Diachronism

2011-01-19T13:19:00.000-08:00

Hold on a minute: Handwritten manifesto + brainwashy Crystal Pepsi commercial = Did I just start a cult?

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New Webcomic Format!

2011-01-13T03:39:00.000-08:00

We'll see if this new DeRamos.org Webcomic format, as a four-panel comic strip, is any better (not to be confused with Eddie Vedder). This is just a preview of #021; we'll be back with some random-topic speech bubbles in the near future.

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Hypothetically Good Phonorecords

2011-01-11T05:46:00.000-08:00

If I actually practice what I preach, you'll hear the results at my band the Society of Gloves' website. Thanks to the TuneUp app, you can read what I've been listening to lately (in iTunes only) at the Twitter profile for FoodBoozeTunes. I recently bought a lot of nine-volt batteries for our effects pedals; I think that's a good start.

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Venn Diagram: Narcissism

2011-01-07T00:00:00.000-08:00

I don't quite remember what I was trying to get at when I first wrote this in my notebook, on December 17th of last year. Basically, I think I'm (sarcastically? facetiously?) accusing everyone with any sense of self (an "ego") of being a narcissist. Those who are aware of their narcissism are dubbed meta-narcissists. Perhaps a meta-narcissist who is kind to others does so because he/she feels superior to others (or so the silly logic goes).

Also, you can wear this Venn diagram:

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Subconscious Superpowers

2011-01-05T02:16:00.000-08:00

If I get my act together, maybe my animated-self can give tutorials how to achieve superhuman status in (more-or-less) lucid dreams, at Videramos.

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Currently on My iPod Shuffle

2011-01-03T03:06:00.000-08:00

I'll probably type, edit, and elaborate (i.e., "Jimmy Chamberlin's drums for the win!") sometime soon at FoodBoozeTunes.

What albums and/or songs would you choose to fill one gigabyte of space? (That's about 13 single-disc albums' worth [or so] of mp3s.)

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Happy New Year!!!

2011-01-01T02:39:00.000-08:00

Yes, instead of epic and legendary, I'll use the adjective mythic (or mythical or mythological).

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Merry Christmas from DeRamos.org!

2010-12-24T21:30:00.000-08:00

I know; I know: I've been a bad DeRamos.org Random Topic Webcomic blogger. I get a lump of coal from the Santa Claus of webcomics and infographics. I have several mostly-developed bizarre conversations and sarcastic information outlined in my composition notebook. They have yet to be digitized and uploaded for everyone to see.

But at least I've been able to record some new music (albeit a traditional song) and animate a holiday video:

Cheers, ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas,
Ryan

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Flowchart: Life (and Afterlife)

2010-11-17T03:33:00.000-08:00

The above image happens to be my first ever unscientific, purposely offensive, and rather cynical infographic! I hope the Webcomic's freaks and ghouls won't mind sharing DeRamos.org with flowcharts, Venn diagrams, pie charts, etc. In any case, I should put this flowchart on a T-shirt (and other merchandise) ASAP.

Also, for reference:

Quantum Immortality (or at least Wikipedia's definition of it), and

Douche heaven is probably the same as hell (both represented by a circle).

UPDATE (11/18): We proudly present this infographic on a bunch of DeRamos Media goods:

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Checkin' in on Y'All...

2010-10-21T23:30:00.000-07:00

We have not forsaken the Webcomic (not yet, anyway)! However, we're busy with the animated vlogs at Videramos and the relaunch of Chord du Jour, so it'll take a while before we reunite with all the freaks and ghouls who philosophize about random things.

I think we have a couple (or a few? at least one?) epic, world-travel comics to produce. We'll cycle through those for a while, and then I would like to have the philosophy of the freaks and ghouls in four panels, like a traditional newspaper comic strip.

Or maybe not. Who knows? We'll know when the Webcomic officially returns...soon!

Cheers,
Ryan

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Videramos: Anvlog!

2010-09-13T01:00:00.000-07:00

We'll have more of these animated vlogs at Videramos.

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Make That A Summer "Vacation"

2010-06-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

This ain't no vacation, really, 'cause we're workin' on some (hopefully) cool stuff.

001: France
002: Switzerland
003: Serbia
004: Serbia
005: India
006: South Korea
007: South Korea
008: Philippines
009: Hawaii
010: California
011: USA + Canada
012: South Carolina + Space + Titanic
013: England
014: England
015: England
016: Scotland
017: Ireland
018: Scotland
019: Ireland
020: Iceland

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DeRamos.org Webcomic Returns in Late June!

2010-05-24T10:00:00.000-07:00

We need to take another break! We'll be back the last week of June, if not before then. The trio of "freaks" (a foursome, if you count the Magical Shotgun) will confront the "ghouls" in Iceland, with the Ex-Vampire Lord (the new last human-human on Earth) caught in the middle. The picture sequences should be interesting, but of course the speech bubbles will likely subvert the comic. Check out the "story" (for lack of a better word) from the beginning:

001: France
002: Switzerland
003: Serbia
004: Serbia
005: India
006: South Korea
007: South Korea
008: Philippines
009: Hawaii
010: California
011: USA + Canada
012: South Carolina + Space + Titanic
013: England
014: England
015: England
016: Scotland
017: Ireland
018: Scotland
019: Ireland
020: Iceland

Oh yeah, and Happy Bermuda Day, Victoria Day, etc.

Tweet to us @DeRamosMedia! And check out FoodBoozeTunes! It's new!

LOST: Time Lost Its Hold

2010-05-24T00:00:00.000-07:00

I never properly blog here anymore. Lost just ended, and here's what I think (SPOILER ALERT!):

The Island happened.
Jacob happened.
Flight 815 crashed.
The button happened.
Time travel happened.
Juliet detonating Jughead was The Incident.
Lapidus, Miles, Richard, Kate, Sawyer, and Claire escaped the Island.
Jack died.
Rose, Bernard, and Vincent lived happily on the Island the rest of their days.
Desmond made it home to Penny and little Charlie.
Ji Yeon grows up to be filthy rich, thanks to her grandfather. Or there's a custody battle between Mr. Paik and Jin's fisherman father.
Hurley protected the Island the rest of his days, with help from Ben.
The Sideways Universe is Purgatory, which exists outside of time.
"Sideways World = Purgatory" is a shout-out to the "Island = Purgatory" fan theory.
The reunited Losties go to "Heaven" together.

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Webcomic #018f: Destiny

2010-05-21T10:00:00.000-07:00

"Terms like 'fate' and 'destiny' are only appropriate in hindsight," says Justine the Revenant. In this webcomic, we use revenant to mean any resurrected character that isn't ghoulishly undead, neither vampire nor zombie, kind of like The Crow.

"Here we go again..." sighs the Silver Werewolf.

"If you say you're destined for something, but fail, that means you were supposed to be tricked into believing in a false destiny, and you end up doing what you're meant to do."

"Did you just say 'butt fail'?"

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Webcomic #019f: Bit Players

2010-05-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

"I can't until the Lost finale on Sunday," the blue reptilian in a brown robe says to the green reptilian in a blue robe.

"It's going to be two-and-a-half hours long," says the blue-robed reptilian (who's green-scaled, as opposed to the brown-robed, blue-scaled reptilian, with whom he is talking).

"Two-and-a-half hours?" interrupts the raven-haired bat demon vampire.

"There's going to be a late night post-finale show, too," adds the blue-robed reptilian, apparently with all the information. Remember that time, before everyone had an electronic device with access to the Internet, when you had to have a current newspaper or TV Guide to know the current television schedule?

"I'm going to have to set my DVD recorder for lower-quality, four-hour LP mode," realizes the bit role vampiress.

We really need to incorporate these new characters, no matter how small their role, into some new merchandise designs. It's on our to-do list...

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Webcomic #017f: Not Sparkly Vampires

2010-05-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

"If angels are the opposite of demons, what are the opposite of vampires?" asks the Vampire Lady.

"Uh, Tolkien's elves," replies Smokey the Middle-Management Reptilian Humanoid. He has a point, since both vampires and human-sized elves are corporeal, virtually immortal, and non-human. Also, geeky teenage girls like vampires, but geeky teenage boys like elves...generally (if the stereotype holds).

"Seriously, people? Elves?"

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Webcomic #020f: Hiding in Plain Sight

2010-05-18T02:00:00.000-07:00

"I am intrigued by the concept of hiding in plain sight," says the Ex-Vampire Lord, who is, of course, hiding in plain sight (since he is now a mortal human being). "Many people want to find things so badly that they look in obscure places but never right in front of them."

"Brainnn...!!!" agrees the tall zombie.

"The thing they're looking for is usually right in front of them, yes?" adds the Vampire Lady.

"In most cases, yeah," replies the Ex-Vampire Lord. "It's like a non-ghoul hanging out with a bunch of blood- and/or brain-thirsty monsters. Ridiculous."

We salute you, Ex-Vampire Lord.

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Webcomic #016f: 'Whiskey' versus ' Whisky'

2010-05-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

"The problem with drinking six shots of whiskey is that they hit you at the same time," observes the Silver Werewolf. "Then again, quality Tennessee sour mash is not that much of a problem."

"No, the problem is that you're drinking whiskey, not whisky," contradicts Pastor Reptilian, after finishing a glass of Scotch. "Take note of the spelling," he insists. "You got it?"

"Oh, I got it."

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #018e: The Same Guy

2010-05-14T02:00:00.000-07:00

"Now that the fifth season of Supernatural is over, and the finale of Lost is a few days away, you have to wonder," wonders the Silver Werewolf, "who would win in a fight: Mark Pellegrino, or Mark Pellegrino?" Of course he's talking about ghostly Jacob versus ghastly Lucifer. That's a tricky one.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #019e: Redshirts

2010-05-13T02:00:00.000-07:00

"We're, like, screwed, aren't we?" whispers the blue reptilian to the green reptilian. (We're talking about the reptiles' robe color, not their scale color, which is coincidentally similar to their respective robe color, in this case.)

"We'll be okay as long as we stay quiet," whispers the green reptilian.

"That's a relief."

At that moment, the vampire bat demons start massacring the reptilian humanoids.

"Scratch that; we're screwed," recants the green reptilian.

"I guessed as much."

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #017e: ::boom:: LOST

2010-05-12T02:00:00.000-07:00

"Was that an episode of Lost or an episode of The Beastmaster?" complains the Vampire Lady. She's referring to the episode "Across the Sea," which features Jacob, his nameless brother (who SPOILER ALERT! becomes the Smoke Monster), and their equally-nameless adoptive mother--in Latin-speaking ancient times on The Island. In any case, it isn't "The Constant." This episode verges on Highlander II territory, where the badass sword-fighting Immortals aren't mysteriously mystical beings but aliens from the planet Zeist.

"The Beastmaster?" asks the middle-management reptilian humanoid. We should give the reptile a name, like "Smokey." There. We'll call him Smokey the Middle-Management Reptilian Humanoid (or some shortened version) from now on. We can thank the still-nameless Smoke Monster on Lost for that.

"You know, late nineties, early 2000's, naked dude with his ferrets, with random appearances by the original eighties Beastmaster," explains the vampiress. The Beastmaster's name is Dar, by the way.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #020e: Basketball

2010-05-11T02:00:00.000-07:00

"The Lakers swept the Jazz, four games to none," says the Ex-Vampire Lord. "Hey, remember when I made fun of Boozer, Brewer, and the State of Utah?" (That was "Webcomic #15c: Puns & Stereotypes," by the way.)

"No," replies the vaguely female ('cause she's pretty decomposed) zombie.

"I do," remembers the Vampire Lady.

"Apparently, they traded Brewer later that very day," the human-in-hiding reports. "I totally jinxed the Jazz."

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #016e: How to Choose a Laptop Computer

2010-05-10T02:00:00.000-07:00

"I'm in the market for a new laptop computer," announces the Silver Werewolf.

"Do you want my advice?" asks Pastor Reptilian.

"Not really."

That should have been the end of the comic strip, but the reptilian humanoid continues:

"Software is secondary. Don't worry too much about internal hardware, either."

"It's the casing that counts, isn't it?" adds Justine the Revenant.

"Bingo. If a hinge breaks or the screen cracks, then the operating system and chip speed don't matter anymore."

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #020d: Word of the Day

2010-05-07T02:00:00.000-07:00

"What is the word of the day, O Webcomic Writer?" asks the Ex-Vampire Lord, who wears his sunglasses at night.

"Eyjafjallajökull," I say, even though I don't know how to pronounce the name.

"Eyjafja...?" replies the Ex-Vampire Lord, "I really don't see how you're going to incorporate that place name here, even though we're in Iceland."

At that moment, the Vampire Lady and her bat demon minions swoop down and land. "We just flew in from Eyjafjallajökull, and boy, are our arms tired," says the vampiress, to the chagrin of the secret human.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #019d: Typical

2010-05-06T02:00:00.000-07:00

"You might be a douchebag if you use the adjective 'typical' when trying to demonize someone who disagrees with you," observes an unclothed Vampire Lady.

"You probably should avoid reading blog comments and forum threads for anything political or technological," replies the middle-management reptilian humanoid.

"Never!"

"Duly noted."

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #018d: Cinco de Mayo

2010-05-05T02:00:00.000-07:00

"It's Cinco de Mayo, people!" I announce to the characters I've created.

"This is just your way of saying you have nothing to write today, and you're just going to party all day and night, isn't it?" replies the Ex-Vampire Lord.

"You know it!"

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #017d: Economics Dialogue

2010-05-04T02:00:00.000-07:00

"Tell me, do you buy items that you keep, modify, and maintain for several years, until they can no longer work," asks the Vampire Lady, "or do you buy items that are meant to be obsolete and replaced within a couple of years, tops?"

"I like to keep up-to-date with the latest and greatest," answers the middle-management reptilian humanoid.

"Wastrel!" she exclaims.

"Is ea," I agree. (It's a 'd' webcomic, so I have to make at least one appearance per location.)

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #016d: The New Photo Editing Standard

2010-05-03T02:00:00.000-07:00

Sipping two fingers' worth of 15 year old whisky, Pastor Reptilian (who has two fingers and a thumb on each hand since he is a reptilian humanoid) says, "Microsoft has joined Apple in their stance against Adobe's Flash." He takes in another sip, asking, "Is this a slippery slope? Will this somehow affect other adobe products, like Photoshop?"

"Maybe Apple will upgrade Aperture to be the 'new' Photoshop for Macs," replies the Silver Werewolf.

"Perhaps."

"And MS Paint will be the 'new' Photoshop for Windows," says the resurrected human Justine (who was previously drained of all her blood by the then-Vampire Lord). "Definitely Paint."

"Aye," I say.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #020c: Non Sequitur

2010-04-30T02:00:00.000-07:00

The Ex-Vampire Lord (who's now human) stands with his loyal zombies (who are still zombies). The Vampire Lady and her vampire minions soon arrive. The Ex-Vampire Lord speaks:

"Stupid sexy Lieutenant Commander Worf."

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #019c: Whoa

2010-04-29T02:00:00.000-07:00

During the meeting of vampires and reptilian humanoids, the Vampire Lady disrobes.

"Woah," says the middle-management reptilian humanoid.

"What did you say?" angrily asks the Vampire Lady, transforming into a furry demonoid. She orders her bat demon vampires to kill the reptiles. "It's 'whoa'. Get it right."

"Duly noted," replies the disembodied head of the middle-management reptilian humanoid.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #018c: Loaded Words

2010-04-28T02:00:00.000-07:00

"Some words are just too loaded to be useful any more," laments Justine the Revenant."Case in point: 'Liberal' and 'conservative'." Continuing her politically-minded rant, pertaining mostly to the United States: "There are way too many nuanced definitions, historical implications, and divisive opinions to consider."

"If you want limited action from city hall and like the culture of your neighborhood, what does that make you?" I'd say some sort of local conservative or libertarian.

"At the same time, if you like the social programs and policies of your state government, what does that make you?" I'd say either a state liberal and/or a states' rights conservative. Or you might be something else along the political spectrum, depending on the programs and policies. Wow, this is getting a little tricky.

"To add, if you like to have a moderately-powerful federal government, one that acts sparingly to help the country as a whole or to stop a state from being douchy - like segregation douchy - what does that make you?" I'd say some sort of moderate, perhaps?

"I'm pretty sure that makes you someone who thinks too hard about these things," sarcastically answers the Silver Werewolf.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #017c: Phonics Rant

2010-04-27T02:00:00.000-07:00

"I'm told that that the letter 'y' is officially a vowel when it acts like a vowel," says the Vampire Lady. "I had previously thought that 'y' was always a consonant that pretended to be a vowel when needed."
"Yes, my lady," says the middle-management reptilian humanoid (wearing a purple bathrobe). "'W' is also a vowel sometimes."

"That is total B.S.!" she outbursts. "In Wheel of Fortune, you spin to guess if there's a 'y' - they never let you buy a 'y'! Hence, 'y' is a consonant." To conclude her rant, she says, "I trust Pat Sajak and Vanna White in these matters." Remembering what the reptile also said, she asks, "Wait, 'w'?"

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #016c: The Mark of Leadership

2010-04-26T02:00:00.000-07:00

The Silver Werewolf throws a tantrum about something (relevant to the actual vague storyline of werewolves versus undead ghouls and whatnot).

"I find that effective leaders are always zen about everything," admonishes Pastor Reptilian. "Throwing hissy fits is the mark of a beta-plus, tops, and not an alpha."

The reptilian humanoid takes a slow sip from his glass of Scotch. "True leaders are smooth and delicious."

"Are we still talking about people here?" interrupts Justine the Revenant.

"No, silly girl. I'm talking about Scotch whisky."

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #020b: What's My Age Again?

2010-04-23T02:00:00.000-07:00

"When I'm buying booze, if you need to card me, card me. Don't ask for my age," advises the Ex-Vampire Lord, who also happens to be the only Human-Human (who used to be a vampire) on Earth. "I don't remember my age."

The zombies around him say nothing.

"I have to do 2nd grade subtraction to figure out my age," the man (wearing sunglasses at night) continues. "I am no longer good at math, and my cell phone's calculator is too hard to use."

"So...how old are you?" asks the Vampire Lady, in bat demon form, descending from the night sky.

Pulling out his wallet, the rather slick Ex-Vampire Lord answers, "Look at my driver's license. I'm on the big boy side of the card."

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #019b: Hive Mind 2.0

2010-04-22T02:00:00.000-07:00

"All these social networking my-sites, me-sites, you-sites, and i-gadgets amount to one thing: They want us to become a collectivist hive mind," hypothesizes the Vampire Lady. (I don't know who 'they' are.) "Ironically, they use 'individuality' to market their scheme."

"That's, like, two things," protests the raven-haired female bat demon vampire.

"Quiet, you!"

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #018b: War Machines

2010-04-21T02:00:00.000-07:00

"War should be waged by robots," says a semi-pacifist Silver Werewolf. "But they should be maintained by people."

Neither Pastor Reptilian nor Justine the Revenant say anything.

"These mechanics not only need to be experts at robot maintenance," he muses, "they need to have complete combat training, too." His reasoning: "'Cause someone needs to stop the robot warriors when they go bad."

The Ex-Vampire Lord stalks the trio. No one responds to the werewolf.

"Trust me; they will go bad," warns the wolf.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #017b: Destroying the Evidence

2010-04-20T02:00:00.000-07:00

"What's the deal with biodegradable, cutting-edge technology?" asks the Vampire Lady.

"It's good for the environment," responds the middle-management reptilian humanoid.

"When evolved dolphin archaeologists find remnants of our civilization, they'll think that we peaked during the 1990s," predicts the vampiress. "It's kind of embarrassing."

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #016b: Werewolf Haiku

2010-04-19T02:00:00.000-07:00

"Hey, what year is this?" asks the Silver Werewolf. "Painting in my underwear, drinking Black Label."

"Nice kinda-sorta haiku," says Justine the Revenant, referring to the werewolf's five-seven-five poetic form.

"What's a haiku?" howls the wolf.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #020a: Lakers vs. Thunder

2010-04-16T02:00:00.000-07:00

The Ex-Vampire Lord announces: "For the first round of the NBA Playoffs, the Los Angeles Lakers will play against the Oklahoma City..." He forgets the name of the opposing team. "Bombers?"

"Uh...Thunder," corrects the hospital gown zombie.

"Was anyone offended by my reference to domestic terrorism?" asks the new Last Human-Human on Earth.

"We were offended," replies the Vampire Lady, swooping in with her bat demon minions.

"Brainnn...!!!" say the also-offended zombies.

"Then I shall hold a press conference sometime next week to publicly apologize," decrees the Ex-Vampire Lord. "Then I'll go to some sort of bad joke rehab."

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #019a: The MacGuffin

2010-04-15T02:00:00.000-07:00

"I am not a fan of the ambiguous MacGuffin plot device," complains an unclothed Vampire Lady to an audience of reptilian humanoids. "Tell us what's in the box, bag, or briefcase already!" she screams, transforming into a furry demon. As her bat demon vampire female minions devour the reptilians, she proposes a caveat: "Just make sure it's not stupid."

"Word," says the blonde bat demon.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #018a: 'Lost' Recap

2010-04-14T02:00:00.000-07:00

"Last night's episode of Lost was awesome!" exclaims the Silver Werewolf to his reptilian and revenant companions. (I think we're establishing that Justine is no longer the last human-human on Earth, but is now some sort of revenant, like The Crow. The Vampire Lord who sucked all her blood is now the last human-human on Earth. He's now the Ex-Vampire Lord, but secretive of his condition.)

"Spoilers ahead!" warns the wolf. "Ilana blows up. But I was eating chips and bean dip at the time, so I wasn't shocked. Smokey 'Locke' throws Island Desmond down a well. The bean dip was layered with guacamole. Sideways Desmond runs over Teacher Locke. Oh, it also had sour cream. Hurley finally gets some Libby lovin'," he summarizes.

"Implied Libby lovin'," he clarifies, since they didn't get gratuitous during the episode. "With shredded cheese," going back to the multi-layered bean dip. (If you don't watch the show, this rant is half-meaningless. If you don't eat multi-layered bean dip, this rant is totally meaningless.)

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #017a: Time Traveler's Cheques

2010-04-13T02:00:00.000-07:00

"If you ever find yourself in the past, make sure the cash you have was produced on or before that date," advises the Vampire Lady.

"Word," says the blonde bat demon vampiress.

"I don't understand," replies the middle-management reptilian humanoid.

"The redesigned and recolored bills from last decade would not be accepted in the 20th century," explains the Vampire Lady. "Just sayin'."

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #016a: Vaderberg Trials

2010-04-12T02:00:00.000-07:00

The Silver Werewolf and Pastor Reptilian are drinking Scotch in Scotland.

"You know, had Darth Vader survived Return of the Jedi, he would have been tried for war crimes," suggests the reptilian humanoid. "They would have hanged him for sure."

"I'm pretty sure they would have forced him to force choke himself to death," says the werewolf.

"Okay, boys..." interrupts Justine the Revenant. "That's enough nerdery for today."

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

NEW! Webcomic #020

2010-04-09T02:00:00.000-07:00

Apparently, this is a corporeal undead party - except that the Ex-Vampire Lord is no longer undead (but he's keeping that a secret).

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

NEW! Webcomic #019

2010-04-08T02:00:00.000-07:00

It's generally not good news when the Vampire Lady loses her clothes. It's even worse news when she grows some fur clothes (and horns and - not seen - hooves)...at least for the cabal of reptilian humanoids. We'll have to ask if reptilian humanoid tastes like chicken.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

NEW! Webcomic #018

2010-04-07T02:00:00.000-07:00

Justine (the Revenant?) apparently explains why she did what she did (shoot the Silver Werewolf and let the Vampire Lord suck her blood) in a flashback. For some reason, the now Ex-Vampire Lord is stalking our trio of heroes.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

NEW! Webcomic #017

2010-04-06T02:00:00.000-07:00

We finally get to see other reptilian humanoids and other vampires, but what are they conspiring?

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

NEW! Webcomic #016

2010-04-05T02:00:00.000-07:00

...and we're back. So is Justine, but is she a human, a zombie, a vampire, a revenant, or something else?

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

DeRamos.org Webcomic Returns April 5, 2010 + Creative Commons License!

2010-03-01T02:00:00.000-08:00

Possible sneak peak:

Silver Werewolf and Pastor Reptilian go on a road trip!

The Vampire Lady's suspicion of the (Ex-)Vampire Lord grows...

Zombies return!

Will we witness the resurrection of Justine, formerly the Last Human-Human on Earth (and her Magical Shotgun)...?

During the month of March, relive the last 15 sequences, and write your own...

Click on thumbnails (or right-click and save link/target as...) to download larger images to add your own speech bubbles and storylines (and be sure to share 'em with us!):

DeRamos Media has given the above images a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

DeRamos.org Webcomic by Ryan DeRamos/DeRamos Media is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at deramos.org.
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Webcomic #015f: Yul Brynner

2010-02-26T02:00:00.000-08:00

"You know who was awesome? Yul Brynner," says the Ex-Vampire Lord. "He was bald, ethnic-looking, and had a sometimes-thick accent," he mentions, "but he played the all-American cowboy leader in The Magnificent Seven movies: 'Chris Adams'."

"Awesome," says Pastor Reptilian.

"I thought the character's name was 'Crescent'," replies a confused Silver Werewolf.

"Take that, cliché modern Hollywood action movie stereotype casting!" rages the ex-vampire. "I nominate Zombie Yul Brynner to play Captain America."

"By now, he's more skeletor than zombie," muses the Vampire Lady.

"Even better."

I realize we haven't seen zombies in a while.

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Webcomic #014f: The Dude's Bible Studies

2010-02-25T02:00:00.000-08:00

"I was reading The Good Book the other day," says the Silver Werewolf, "when I realized the book of Ecclesiastes is the 'F--- it, Dude, let's go bowling' of the entire Biblical canon."

"Interesting observation," replies Pastor Reptilian. (Hey! The priestly reptilian humanoid finally has a name! An unoriginal name, but a proper noun attached to his character nonetheless.)

"You think so?"

"No, your view is heretical. I am forced to burn you at the stake now, witch."

"Hey, buddy. I'm a dude. I prefer being called 'wizard' or 'warlock'," the werewolf corrects the reptile. "Alternatively, 'man-witch'," he suggests. "I can go for some sloppy joes right now," he says, sidetracked.

Mmm...sloppy joes.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #015e: Life Advice

2010-02-24T02:00:00.000-08:00

"I just had a revelation," declares the Ex-Vampire Lord.

"What?" asks the reptilian humanoid.

"Don't sweat the small stuff," says the ex-vampire, repeating the old, cliché proverb.

"Sound advice," replies the werewolf.

"For that matter, don't worry about the large, universe-sized stuff, either," continues the ex-vampire. "I'm talking to you, astrophysicists."

This baffles the Vampire Lady.

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Webcomic #014e: The Six-Day Weekend

2010-02-23T02:00:00.000-08:00

"My life just flashed before my eyes," reveals the Silver Werewolf, "like that quarter in college when I ordered everything from the local Mexican restaurant." He continues: "Then I invented the six-day weekend."

"So you don't remember anything else from college, like getting an education?" asks the reptilian humanoid.

"Uh...six-day weekend, hello?"

Seriously. Six-day weekend. (Just don't think about the marathon day before and after the weekend.)

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #015d: Mundane Nightmare

2010-02-22T02:00:00.000-08:00

"Wakey, wakey!" I say to the Ex-Vampire Lord.

"Thanks for rescuing me from an awful dream!" replies a grateful ex-vampire.

"What was your dream about?" asks a reptilian humanoid, standing next to a daytime werewolf.

"I was browsing the InterWebs in my dream," admits the ex-vampire.

"Really? You had a nightmare about the Internet?" scoffs the Vampire Lady.

"I had a visceral reaction to the subconsciously-generated propaganda I read...in my sleep," the ex-vampire explains...sort of.

"Sounds...harrowing?" she patronizes. The Ex-Vampire Lord might want to try laying off the social media for a while, after such a "YouTwitFace" dream.

He should spend his time haunting T-shirts, instead:

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #014d: The English Language

2010-02-19T00:00:00.000-08:00

"Am I alive?" asks the Silver Werewolf.

"Yes, but the following conversation could mean many things," I warn, since my Deus ex Webcomica character is more-or-less bound to the dialects of the region. This takes place in London, so I'm going to use some Wikipedia-aided vocabulary. "Perhaps you want to go and find a saloon," I advise.

Saloon, as in sedan automobile or alcohol bar?

"Yes! I can go for a brew," replies the wolf.

Brew, as in tea or beer? (Or coffee?)

"Oh, I get it!" the reptilian humanoid exclaims, professing his understanding of this double-speak. "How about some shorts?" he asks.

Shorts, as in shots of alcohol or underpants? (Or short pants?)

"Hey..." protests the werewolf, "I am not a lush."

Lush, as in an attractive person or an alcoholic?

"Of course not, but you would make an excellent hooker," I suggest.

Hooker, as in rugby player or prostitute?

Now that this hoo-ha is over, this reptilian humanoid stein can probably hold the brew of your choice. Otherwise, try the large mug.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #015c: Puns & Stereotypes

2010-02-18T00:00:00.000-08:00

"If I weren't a Lakers fan, I'd totally be a Utah Jazz fan," the Ex-Vampire Lord says. "They have a player named Brewer, a player named Boozer, and they're in Utah!"

"Funny!" reacts the werewolf.

"Ironic!" observes the reptilian humanoid.

"Get it?" the ex-vampire asks the Vampire Lady. "Supply, demand, and traditional teetotalism!"

"So you're going for surname puns and regional stereotypes of religious culture," analyzes the vampiress.

"Yes."

"Classy."

The Ex-Vampire Lord wears his sunglasses at night.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #014c: Art Hero

2010-02-17T00:00:00.000-08:00

The Road So Far...

"I have a confession to make," the Silver Werewolf says to Justine. "I invented those guitar hero rock band games."

"You did what?" Justine reacts, shooting the wolf in disgust. "I might have overreacted," she later realizes.

Now...

"I have a new video game idea!" declares an apparently recovered werewolf. "In this game, players use a wireless controller as a paint brush, and the goal is to copy some of history's greatest masterpieces - for points!" he explains to a reptilian humanoid. "It's going be called Art Hero!"

"I have a bad feeling someone's already developed such a game," the reptile replies.

We can't get enough of the Silver Werewolf here. That's probably why we sidestepped our own plot devices (all humans except for Justine turns into a werewolf only during the night of a full moon) to have Silver walk in the daytime, and that's why we have a design with him in triplicate:

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Webcomic #015b: Health and Vision

2010-02-16T00:00:00.000-08:00

Then...

"My insurance is awesome!" gushes the Vampire Lord. "I'm totally adding you to my plan!" he offers to the ghoul morphing into the Vampire Lady. "Blood tests for everybody!" he declares while sucking Justine's blood.

Then, a bombshell. "What do you mean my premiums are going up 40%?" he protests.

Now...

"Holy crap, why are my pupils white?" he screams, looking in a mirror.

"Hey buddy, you should see a doctor," suggests a reptilian humanoid.

"What's with the sunglasses at night?"

Later...

"What's with the sunglasses at night?" questions the Vampire Lady.

"Cataract surgery."

"Oh."

Be reflexively meta (more than one layer of self-awareness!) by wearing a shirt featuring the Vampire Lady wearing the "Ghoul Lovin'" design!

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #014b: Unclogging InterTubes

2010-02-15T00:00:00.000-08:00

The Road So Far: (1) Justine and the Silver Werewolf are friends; (2) Justine shoots Silver; (3) the Vampire Lord (in wolf form) bites Justine. This summary is not important for today's webcomic.

"I should stop reading blog comments and forum posts on the Internet," the Silver Werewolf says. "I have misanthropic feelings after lurking through communities full of solipsist, pseudonymous morons," he admits. "I'm pretty sure they macroevolved into a new species: Homo sapiens 'interneticus'."

"Those are some pretty big words you used," the reptilian humanoid reacts to the wolf's rant.

"I consulted a thesaurus," the wolf reveals. "It's a book, not a dinosaur, much to my chagrin."

The moral of the story: Be more educated than the solipsist, pseudonymous morons on the InterWebs. This blog included...?

The second moral of the story: Wear a shirt with the still-unnamed reptilian humanoid holding webcomic spoilers.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #015a: Story

2010-02-12T00:00:00.000-08:00

Then...

"I shall transform you into a vampire!" declared the Vampire Lord, magically changing the red-haired zombie into the Vampire Lady.

"You taste funny," he said while draining Justine of her blood.

"That's what she said," said Justine, losing her blood.

Justine's blood, in turn, transformed the Vampire Lord into a human. "Son of a..." he said, upon this realization.

Now...

So this is sunlight, the Ex-Vampire Lord thinks.

"Check out the dude in the cape," the daytime werewolf tells his reptilian companion, unaware that this is the same (former?) monster he dueled just hours before.

That night, the Ex-Vampire Lord meets the Vampire Lady. He wears sunglasses to hide is non-vampire green eyes.

"What's with the sunglasses at night?" she asks with suspicion.

"What's with the extra-large T-shirt?" he replies with a question. Notice the once-regal Ex-Vampire Lord speaks with contractions.

"Touché," the Vampire Lady admits...suspiciously.

Wear the same shirt the Vampire Lady wore: Ghoul Lovin'!

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

NEW! Webcomic #015

2010-02-11T00:00:00.000-08:00

The Ex-Vampire Lord tries to hide his humanity from the Vampire Lady. Will she figure it out?

Wear this episode!

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #014a: Story

2010-02-10T00:00:00.000-08:00

Previously...

"Whatever you do, don't shoot me," the Silver Werewolf requested of Justine.

She shoots him weeks later. "I can't believe you shot me!" he exclaimed.

"Drink up," Justine invited the Vampire Lord (in wolf form). "That's what she said," she said, as he sucked her blood.

The Silver Werewolf wakes up. "Am I alive?" he asks out loud.

Yes, he is. It is the daytime, and he is likely the only person in werewolf form when it is not a full moon. "Hmm...I'm still a wolf in the daytime," the wolf states the obvious. "Someone's gonna have to explain that soon."

He bumps into the priestly Reptilian Humanoid. They apparently know each other through Justine, wherever she is.

"We must travel north," the reptile advises.

"If we hang out more often, they're gonna start calling us Leather and Fur."

This reptilian humanoid messenger bag might contain spoilers.

Okay, probably not.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

NEW! Webcomic #014

2010-02-09T00:00:00.000-08:00

Like the earlier seasons of Lost, this webcomic is asking more questions than answering them: Why is the Silver Werewolf still in wolf form in daylight? What happened to Justine? Where was the Reptilian Humanoid during the events of Webcomic #013, since he's here now? Have the wolf and the reptile met before? Et cetera, et cetera.

In any case, you gotta love the Lost close-up eyeball parody (after the equally satirical previously frames)...

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #013g: Stereotypes

2010-02-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

"It's easy to shop for most chicks and dudes. I have a system," declares the Silver Werewolf.

"This could get offensive really fast," warns the Vampire Lord.

"Buy expensive jewelry for the ladies," the wolf advises, "and buy expensive booze for the gentlemen." He adds, "Of course, this system won't work for sober people who are adverse to bling."

"I'm not buying you expensive booze," Justine says.

"Whenever the system doesn't work, you're in for a long gift-finding process," cautions the werewolf.

"Heh. Urine," comments the newly-transformed Ex-Vampire Lord.

Webcomic #014 (a new one!) premieres tomorrow! Until then, let's celebrate this cliffhanger of a comic sequence...

...and sleep on it.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #012g: Blasphemous Plots

2010-02-05T00:00:00.000-08:00

"I just watched Supernatural 'cause I loves me some Judeo-Christian mythology," declares Justine.

"It is heretical to mythologize any currently relevant theology," admonishes her priestly companion (who happens to be a reptilian humanoid). "Besides, such stories are satanic."

"By the same token, any narrative involving angels fighting demons is also angelic," she replies, "just like any telling of the Titanomachy is both Olympic and Titanic." If you don't know the terms, look 'em up!

In the middle of the cold Atlantic Ocean in 1912, Justine comments, "Wrong Titanic." If she were transported to the modern international games, that would be the wrong Olympic, too. "Seriously, people."

How about this tote bag? For groceries, maybe?

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #011g: Flash-Sideways?

2010-02-04T00:00:00.000-08:00

"Sideways flashes? Alternate timelines? Parallel realities? Really, LOST?" Justine questions. "If this really happened, then the atomic bomb would have been the thing that caused 'The Incident' all along. Time loops anyhow. The time travelers would have been there every time. Whatever happened, happened. Alternate timelines are irrelevant to those who cannot experience the possibilities as realities." And so on, and so forth...

"That's the difference between a show with its own mythology and plot devices," replies a slightly annoyed reptilian humanoid, "and a webcomic that sort of comments on real life."

"I refuse to be swayed," declares the determined determinist, "until next week's episode."

Road trip!

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #010g: Realistic Shapeshifting, Part 2

2010-02-03T00:00:00.000-08:00

"I missed yesterday's spiel," admits Justine to the Vampire Lady, as the Magical Shotgun also wants the same! topic.

"Notice that my clothes are ruined from your gunshot," says the Vampire Lady. "Now, I burst through them as I transform into a bat demon!" Continuing how this change affects her anatomy and physiology: "My scalp's proportions have shifted a bit, my arms have become wings, and spikes have grown from my shoulders."

"What happens when you change back?"

"My bat wings become woman arms again. Notice that my destroyed clothes do not return."

"And how!" exclaims the Vampire Lord.

"This was yesterday's topic!" protests the reptilian humanoid, holding a copy of yesterday's webcomic (#009g: Realistic Shapeshifting).

"We're saving our LOST spiel for tomorrow," admits the naked Vampire Lady. And yes, it was a freakin' good season premiere.

It is easy to wear clothes more frequently than the Vampire Lady, unless you're a nudist. This is today's episode (without the speech bubbles):

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #009g: Realistic Shapeshifting

2010-02-02T00:00:00.000-08:00

"What's up with the nudity?" the Grey Wolf asks the naked Vampire Lady.

"I am going to shape shift, and I don't want to ruin any clothing in the process," she answers. Transforming into a wolf, she continues her reply: "Notice that my long hair blends with this temporary body fur. The fur grows really fast."

As a follow-up question, the Grey Wolf asks, "Will your fur retract when you morph back into the Vampire Lady?"

"No, I will shed that fur when I change back," the Vampire Lady-wolf replies. "I will still be naked, too, because improvising clothes from skin is just weird." And apparently, simulating fur from skin is also weird, hence actual growth of body fur the shedding thereof.

Later...Justine and Silver discover the carnage.

"Someone's been shedding lots of body fur!" observes the Silver Werewolf.

Wear this scene, where there are werewolves and a vampire woman wearing nothing inside the Kīlauea volcano.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #008g: Doppelgänger Week

2010-02-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

"I am disappointed that I cannot participate in Doppelgänger Week on Facebook," laments the Vampire Lord. "I look like nobody, and face-matching software does not help me at all." He goes on to describe his attempts to find a more famous twin:

"One photo matched Danny Glover, Terrence Howard, Matthew Lillard, Al Pacino, and Gillian Anderson." Well, that's diverse.

"Another photo matched The Rock, Bill Cosby, John & Yoko's son Sean Lennon, Helena Christiansen, Tiger Woods, Brittany Murphy, and Rudyard Kipling." That's even more varied. Then again, the Vampire Lord has the power to shape shift to some degree.

"Then it said I look like Luc Besson, cult leader Shoko Asahara, Sophie Marceau, Saddam Hussein, and Martin Luther King, Jr." You might want to Google or Wikipedia some of the names mentioned above, and hopefully I spelled all the names correctly. "Seriously, what the hell?" the Vampire asks, bordering on despair.

"You know what they say: You are what you suck," consoles the Vampire Lady. "That's what she said," she says.

You can totally wear this scene (without the small talk):

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #007g: Music Hypothesis

2010-01-29T00:00:00.000-08:00

"Popular bands and recording artists tend to fall into the trap of sameness," hypothesizes the Vampire Lord.

"Here we go again..." sighs Justine.

"You need not use similar melodies for every would-be hit single," the vampire advises to a hypothetical audience of presumably popular singers and songwriters and band members. "Sure, that particular mode and interval sequence are part of your signature sound," he muses. "Just do not use them all the time."

"Which bands are you talking about?" asks the newborn Vampire Lady.

"I'm guessing every popular band that he's not a fanboy of," guesses Justine.

"Blah," affirms the Vampire Lord.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #006g: Literate People

2010-01-28T00:00:00.000-08:00

"You can't judge a book by its cover," states the zombie bride, adding to the cliché, "but you can definitely judge a magazine by its cover."

"Is this still a metaphor for people?" Justine asks, confused.

"Does a person use an airbrushed celebrity of the hour to sell issues?" the zombie bride replies, in question form. "Does a person use catchy headlines to hype up his or her lack of content?" she asks a second question.

"Some people do," replies the acid-faced zombie groom.

"Then there are two kinds of people in this world: Books and periodicals," concludes the zombie bride.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #005g: An Apple a Day Pays for My Retirement #apple #tablet

2010-01-27T00:00:00.000-08:00

"It is expected that Apple will announce its latest product, a tablet computer, sometime today," announces Justine. "It should be a bestseller!" (Well, considering that this comic was written on Monday and published on Wednesday, the announcement might happen on Tuesday - thus screwing up part of the premise.)

"My future, retired self is totally happy for this anticipated consumer excitement," replies the Silver Werewolf, disclosing his investment in AAPL stock, "but my present workaholic self has no time for the latest electronic trinkets! Now let's drink on the job!" (The writer of this comic also has little time for the latest gadgets. He has plenty of time, however, for tried-and-true obsolete technology.)

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #004g: Teenage Butterfly Angst

2010-01-26T00:00:00.000-08:00

"Butterflies have it right," muses the Vampire Lord. "Their babies are cute caterpillars. Their adults are beautiful butterflies." Then he states his punchline: "And their teenagers are locked inside cocoons!" Hi-yo!

Apparently, if you're a centuries-old Vampire Lord, you know a thing or two about parenthood (and cynicism).

"Well, cocoons are for moths; butterflies have the chrysalis," corrects Justine, bordering on know-it-all-ism. (Actually, I just learnt that on Wikipedia! So who knows if that's even remotely correct?)

"That's good to know," sarcastically replies the zombie in pajamas.

"Adolescent people do go through a stage of being trapped and gathering the strength to break free," Justine says, debating the vampire's perspective. "It's called high school."

"Thanks for the public service announcement," says the sarcastic zombie, with a hole in her head.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #003g: Let's Get Political!

2010-01-25T00:00:00.000-08:00

"I figured out why half of America disagrees with the other half," says the boxer shorts zombie.

"What about the middle?" Justine asks. Of course, the zombie simplifies his argument by ignoring the middle, and treating everyone in the U.S. as part of a dichotomy of extremes, but let's humor the zombie, shall we?

"It's all about perception," he continues, ignoring the woman's question. "The Right believes they are on the side of Liberty."

So she plays along with his argument. "But to the Left, they are money lovers at best and hypocritically theocratic at worst," says Justine, completing the zombie's thought process for him. Remember that old New Testament adage: The love of money is the root of all evil. That definitely would be a point of hypocrisy for any would-be Christian theocrats.

For the most part, conservatives tend to equate Liberty with a limited Federal government and (potentially) unlimited states' rights: A theocracy here, a socialist state there, and some post-apocalyptic anarchy for good measure over there. Conservatives also tend to disagree amongst themselves about Liberty on the personal level, though - or at least, they'll let the individual states decide how free is free for how many people. Good luck finding a good state, then.

"The Left believes they are on the side of Justice," says the zombie.

"But to the Right, they are tax happy at best and anti-American Stalinists at worst," replies the woman.

Issues like health care reform and gay marriage - like college grants, integration, suffrage, and emancipation before them - do look an awful lot like social justice, equal opportunity, and civil rights. Of course, social conservatives tend to disagree, and cite any of the above (and some go old school on this!) as a deterioration of the 'American' way of life. Fiscal conservatives tend to dislike all the issues that involve tax money, like health care/insurance overhaul and, yes, FAFSA grant money.

What happened to ...with Liberty and Justice for all? And yes, I'm talking about both the U.S. "Pledge of Allegiance" ideal and old-school Metallica.

The zombie proposes a solution: "The winner will be the one who learns to make fun of themselves," he says. "'Cause no one likes a holier-than-thou, face-saving, smug douchebag." That's not exactly true because holier-than-thou, face-saving, smug douchebags kind of like themselves and people who believe the same. Good try, zombie, in any case. And props for not saving your own face, literally.

This solution seems reasonable to both the woman and the previously-silent Vampire Lord.

"Recently, in late night TV, self-effacing Conan is the good guy," says Justine, comparing NBC's recent debacle with our ever-continuing national struggle.

"Ah, and Leno must go on Oprah to fix his reputation. Blah," concludes the vampire. Seriously, Jay's most gracious option would have been to retire. Unfortunately, that's not how the cards of fate were played.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #002g: Television Returns!

2010-01-22T00:00:00.000-08:00

"I say," says the hospital gown zombie, "this has been an incredibly productive several weeks."

"I became fluent in three more languages," brags the boxer shorts zombie.

"I wrote a bestselling novel," says the substitute teacher zombie, tooting his own horn.

"I recorded a double album," proclaims the pajamas zombie.

"I overthrew a despotic regime," declares the nightgown zombie.

"Great news, everybody! Some of our favorite TV shows have returned!" excitedly announces the regular clothes zombie. Indeed this is great news. Supernatural came back from the winter hiatus last night, and Lost will start its final season in a couple of weeks. The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, on the other hand, is another story...

Later...

The zombies' minds turn to mush after consuming too much multimedia. "Brainnn...!!!" they moan.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #001g: Extremely Ethical Eating

2010-01-21T00:00:00.000-08:00

"I've decided to become a vegetarian." declares the Silver Werewolf. "It is unethical to eat other living things. I will only eat vegetables, dairy, eggs, and honey."

"So you're okay with enslaving animals for cheese, omelets, and honey mustard," Justine replies.

"Scratch that; I am now a vegan. I respect all life too much."

"Plants want to live, too," the woman reminds the werewolf.

"Son of a..."

"You should become a fruitarian. The plant doesn't die. Avoid eating seeds, too," suggests Justine. "If you can't avoid consuming seeds, you must crap outside, so that new plants may sprout from your feces."

"Screw it; I'm gonna have a steak and a beer."

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Webcomic #013f: Negatives

2010-01-20T00:00:00.000-08:00

"The complete opposite of something often does not negate the initial statement," states the werewolf.

"How so?" asks the vampire.

"What's the complete opposite of 'I will punch you'?"

"Is it 'I will not punch you'?"

"Nope," replies the werewolf. "I becomes you. Future tense becomes past tense. Punch becomes kick. You becomes me," he summarizes, using faulty dichotomies as his logic.

"How about 'She shoots him'?" interrupts Justine, as she shoots him. ???? shoots the Magical Shotgun, confused by today's topic choice.

"That could work, too," responds a soon-to-be-unresponsive werewolf.

"'"You kicked me!'" answers the vampire, as he becomes human. "Hmm..."

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter: @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).