Friday, February 26, 2010

Webcomic #015f: Yul Brynner

"You know who was awesome?  Yul Brynner," says the Ex-Vampire Lord.  "He was bald, ethnic-looking, and had a sometimes-thick accent," he mentions, "but he played the all-American cowboy leader in The Magnificent Seven movies:  'Chris Adams'."

"Awesome," says Pastor Reptilian.

"I thought the character's name was 'Crescent'," replies a confused Silver Werewolf.

"Take that, cliché modern Hollywood action movie stereotype casting!" rages the ex-vampire.  "I nominate Zombie Yul Brynner to play Captain America."

"By now, he's more skeletor than zombie," muses the Vampire Lady.

"Even better."

I realize we haven't seen zombies in a while.


Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Webcomic #014f: The Dude's Bible Studies

"I was reading The Good Book the other day," says the Silver Werewolf, "when I realized the book of Ecclesiastes is the 'F--- it, Dude, let's go bowling' of the entire Biblical canon."

"Interesting observation," replies Pastor Reptilian.  (Hey!  The priestly reptilian humanoid finally has a name! An unoriginal name, but a proper noun attached to his character nonetheless.)

"You think so?"

"No, your view is heretical.  I am forced to burn you at the stake now, witch."

"Hey, buddy.  I'm a dude.  I prefer being called 'wizard' or 'warlock'," the werewolf corrects the reptile.  "Alternatively, 'man-witch'," he suggests.  "I can go for some sloppy joes right now," he says, sidetracked.

Mmm...sloppy joes.


Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Webcomic #015e: Life Advice

"I just had a revelation," declares the Ex-Vampire Lord.

"What?" asks the reptilian humanoid.

"Don't sweat the small stuff," says the ex-vampire, repeating the old, cliché proverb.

"Sound advice," replies the werewolf.

"For that matter, don't worry about the large, universe-sized stuff, either," continues the ex-vampire.  "I'm talking to you, astrophysicists."

This baffles the Vampire Lady.


Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Webcomic #014e: The Six-Day Weekend

"My life just flashed before my eyes," reveals the Silver Werewolf, "like that quarter in college when I ordered everything from the local Mexican restaurant."  He continues:  "Then I invented the six-day weekend."

"So you don't remember anything else from college, like getting an education?" asks the reptilian humanoid.

"Uh...six-day weekend, hello?"

Seriously.  Six-day weekend.  (Just don't think about the marathon day before and after the weekend.)



Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Monday, February 22, 2010

Webcomic #015d: Mundane Nightmare

"Wakey, wakey!" I say to the Ex-Vampire Lord.

"Thanks for rescuing me from an awful dream!" replies a grateful ex-vampire.

"What was your dream about?" asks a reptilian humanoid, standing next to a daytime werewolf.

"I was browsing the InterWebs in my dream," admits the ex-vampire.

"Really? You had a nightmare about the Internet?" scoffs the Vampire Lady.

"I had a visceral reaction to the subconsciously-generated propaganda I read...in my sleep," the ex-vampire explains...sort of.

"Sounds...harrowing?" she patronizes.  The Ex-Vampire Lord might want to try laying off the social media for a while, after such a "YouTwitFace" dream.

He should spend his time haunting T-shirts, instead:



Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Friday, February 19, 2010

Webcomic #014d: The English Language

"Am I alive?" asks the Silver Werewolf.

"Yes, but the following conversation could mean many things," I warn, since my Deus ex Webcomica character is more-or-less bound to the dialects of the region.  This takes place in London, so I'm going to use some Wikipedia-aided vocabulary.  "Perhaps you want to go and find a saloon," I advise.

Saloon, as in sedan automobile or alcohol bar?

"Yes!  I can go for a brew," replies the wolf.

Brew, as in tea or beer?  (Or coffee?)

"Oh, I get it!" the reptilian humanoid exclaims, professing his understanding of this double-speak.  "How about some shorts?" he asks.

Shorts, as in shots of alcohol or underpants?  (Or short pants?)

"Hey..." protests the werewolf, "I am not a lush."

Lush, as in an attractive person or an alcoholic?

"Of course not, but you would make an excellent hooker," I suggest.

Hooker, as in rugby player or prostitute?

Now that this hoo-ha is over, this reptilian humanoid stein can probably hold the brew of your choice.  Otherwise, try the large mug.



Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Webcomic #015c: Puns & Stereotypes

"If I weren't a Lakers fan, I'd totally be a Utah Jazz fan," the Ex-Vampire Lord says.  "They have a player named Brewer, a player named Boozer, and they're in Utah!"

"Funny!" reacts the werewolf.

"Ironic!" observes the reptilian humanoid.

"Get it?" the ex-vampire asks the Vampire Lady.  "Supply, demand, and traditional teetotalism!"

"So you're going for surname puns and regional stereotypes of religious culture," analyzes the vampiress.

"Yes."

"Classy."

The Ex-Vampire Lord wears his sunglasses at night.



Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Webcomic #014c: Art Hero

The Road So Far...


"I have a confession to make," the Silver Werewolf says to Justine.  "I invented those guitar hero rock band games."


"You did what?" Justine reacts, shooting the wolf in disgust.  "I might have overreacted," she later realizes.


Now...

"I have a new video game idea!" declares an apparently recovered werewolf.  "In this game, players use a wireless controller as a paint brush, and the goal is to copy some of history's greatest masterpieces - for points!" he explains to a reptilian humanoid.  "It's going be called Art Hero!"

"I have a bad feeling someone's already developed such a game," the reptile replies.

We can't get enough of the Silver Werewolf here.  That's probably why we sidestepped our own plot devices (all humans except for Justine turns into a werewolf only during the night of a full moon) to have Silver walk in the daytime, and that's why we have a design with him in triplicate:



Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Webcomic #015b: Health and Vision

Then...


"My insurance is awesome!" gushes the Vampire Lord.  "I'm totally adding you to my plan!" he offers to the ghoul morphing into the Vampire Lady.  "Blood tests for everybody!" he declares while sucking Justine's blood.


Then, a bombshell.  "What do you mean my premiums are going up 40%?" he protests.


Now...

"Holy crap, why are my pupils white?" he screams, looking in a mirror.

"Hey buddy, you should see a doctor," suggests a reptilian humanoid.

"What's with the sunglasses at night?"

Later...

"What's with the sunglasses at night?" questions the Vampire Lady.

"Cataract surgery."

"Oh."

Be reflexively meta (more than one layer of self-awareness!) by wearing a shirt featuring the Vampire Lady wearing the "Ghoul Lovin'" design!



Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Monday, February 15, 2010

Webcomic #014b: Unclogging InterTubes

The Road So Far:  (1) Justine and the Silver Werewolf are friends; (2) Justine shoots Silver; (3) the Vampire Lord (in wolf form) bites Justine.  This summary is not important for today's webcomic.

"I should stop reading blog comments and forum posts on the Internet," the Silver Werewolf says.  "I have misanthropic feelings after lurking through communities full of solipsist, pseudonymous morons," he admits.  "I'm pretty sure they macroevolved into a new species:  Homo sapiens 'interneticus'."

"Those are some pretty big words you used," the reptilian humanoid reacts to the wolf's rant.

"I consulted a thesaurus," the wolf reveals.  "It's a book, not a dinosaur, much to my chagrin."

The moral of the story:  Be more educated than the solipsist, pseudonymous morons on the InterWebs.  This blog included...?

The second moral of the story:  Wear a shirt with the still-unnamed reptilian humanoid holding webcomic spoilers.



Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Friday, February 12, 2010

Webcomic #015a: Story

Then...


"I shall transform you into a vampire!" declared the Vampire Lord, magically changing the red-haired zombie into the Vampire Lady.


"You taste funny," he said while draining Justine of her blood.


"That's what she said," said Justine, losing her blood.


Justine's blood, in turn, transformed the Vampire Lord into a human.  "Son of a..." he said, upon this realization.


Now...


So this is sunlight, the Ex-Vampire Lord thinks.

"Check out the dude in the cape," the daytime werewolf tells his reptilian companion, unaware that this is the same (former?) monster he dueled just hours before.

That night, the Ex-Vampire Lord meets the Vampire Lady.  He wears sunglasses to hide is non-vampire green eyes.

"What's with the sunglasses at night?" she asks with suspicion.

"What's with the extra-large T-shirt?" he replies with a question.  Notice the once-regal Ex-Vampire Lord speaks with contractions.

"Touché," the Vampire Lady admits...suspiciously.

Wear the same shirt the Vampire Lady wore:  Ghoul Lovin'!



Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Thursday, February 11, 2010

NEW! Webcomic #015



The Ex-Vampire Lord tries to hide his humanity from the Vampire Lady. Will she figure it out?

Wear this episode!



Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Webcomic #014a: Story

Previously...


"Whatever you do, don't shoot me," the Silver Werewolf requested of Justine.


She shoots him weeks later.  "I can't believe you shot me!" he exclaimed.


"Drink up," Justine invited the Vampire Lord (in wolf form).  "That's what she said," she said, as he sucked her blood.

The Silver Werewolf wakes up.  "Am I alive?" he asks out loud.

Yes, he is.  It is the daytime, and he is likely the only person in werewolf form when it is not a full moon.  "Hmm...I'm still a wolf in the daytime," the wolf states the obvious.  "Someone's gonna have to explain that soon."

He bumps into the priestly Reptilian Humanoid.  They apparently know each other through Justine, wherever she is.

"We must travel north," the reptile advises.

"If we hang out more often, they're gonna start calling us Leather and Fur."

This reptilian humanoid messenger bag might contain spoilers.
Okay, probably not.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

NEW! Webcomic #014

Like the earlier seasons of Lost, this webcomic is asking more questions than answering them:  Why is the Silver Werewolf still in wolf form in daylight?  What happened to Justine?  Where was the Reptilian Humanoid during the events of Webcomic #013, since he's here now?  Have the wolf and the reptile met before?  Et cetera, et cetera.

In any case, you gotta love the Lost close-up eyeball parody (after the equally satirical previously frames)...



Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Monday, February 8, 2010

Webcomic #013g: Stereotypes

"It's easy to shop for most chicks and dudes.  I have a system," declares the Silver Werewolf.

"This could get offensive really fast," warns the Vampire Lord.

"Buy expensive jewelry for the ladies," the wolf advises, "and buy expensive booze for the gentlemen."  He adds, "Of course, this system won't work for sober people who are adverse to bling."

"I'm not buying you expensive booze," Justine says.

"Whenever the system doesn't work, you're in for a long gift-finding process," cautions the werewolf.

"Heh.  Urine," comments the newly-transformed Ex-Vampire Lord.

Webcomic #014 (a new one!) premieres tomorrow!  Until then, let's celebrate this cliffhanger of a comic sequence...



...and sleep on it.

Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Friday, February 5, 2010

Webcomic #012g: Blasphemous Plots

"I just watched Supernatural 'cause I loves me some Judeo-Christian mythology," declares Justine.

"It is heretical to mythologize any currently relevant theology," admonishes her priestly companion (who happens to be a reptilian humanoid).  "Besides, such stories are satanic."

"By the same token, any narrative involving angels fighting demons is also angelic," she replies, "just like any telling of the Titanomachy is both Olympic and Titanic."  If you don't know the terms, look 'em up!

In the middle of the cold Atlantic Ocean in 1912, Justine comments, "Wrong Titanic."  If she were transported to the modern international games, that would be the wrong Olympic, too.  "Seriously, people."

How about this tote bag?  For groceries, maybe?



Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Webcomic #011g: Flash-Sideways?

"Sideways flashes?  Alternate timelines?  Parallel realities?  Really, LOST?" Justine questions.  "If this really happened, then the atomic bomb would have been the thing that caused 'The Incident' all along.  Time loops anyhow.  The time travelers would have been there every time.  Whatever happened, happened.  Alternate timelines are irrelevant to those who cannot experience the possibilities as realities."  And so on, and so forth...

"That's the difference between a show with its own mythology and plot devices," replies a slightly annoyed reptilian humanoid, "and a webcomic that sort of comments on real life."

"I refuse to be swayed," declares the determined determinist, "until next week's episode."

Road trip!



Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Webcomic #010g: Realistic Shapeshifting, Part 2

"I missed yesterday's spiel," admits Justine to the Vampire Lady, as the Magical Shotgun also wants the same! topic.

"Notice that my clothes are ruined from your gunshot," says the Vampire Lady.  "Now, I burst through them as I transform into a bat demon!"  Continuing how this change affects her anatomy and physiology:  "My scalp's proportions have shifted a bit, my arms have become wings, and spikes have grown from my shoulders."

"What happens when you change back?"

"My bat wings become woman arms again.  Notice that my destroyed clothes do not return."

"And how!" exclaims the Vampire Lord.

"This was yesterday's topic!" protests the reptilian humanoid, holding a copy of yesterday's webcomic (#009g:  Realistic Shapeshifting).

"We're saving our LOST spiel for tomorrow," admits the naked Vampire Lady.  And yes, it was a freakin' good season premiere.

It is easy to wear clothes more frequently than the Vampire Lady, unless you're a nudist.  This is today's episode (without the speech bubbles):



Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Webcomic #009g: Realistic Shapeshifting

"What's up with the nudity?" the Grey Wolf asks the naked Vampire Lady.

"I am going to shape shift, and I don't want to ruin any clothing in the process," she answers.  Transforming into a wolf, she continues her reply:  "Notice that my long hair blends with this temporary body fur.  The fur grows really fast."

As a follow-up question, the Grey Wolf asks, "Will your fur retract when you morph back into the Vampire Lady?"

"No, I will shed that fur when I change back," the Vampire Lady-wolf replies.  "I will still be naked, too, because improvising clothes from skin is just weird."  And apparently, simulating fur from skin is also weird, hence actual growth of body fur the shedding thereof.

Later...Justine and Silver discover the carnage.

"Someone's been shedding lots of body fur!" observes the Silver Werewolf.

Wear this scene, where there are werewolves and a vampire woman wearing nothing inside the Kīlauea volcano.



Comments are closed, but you can reach the author on Twitter:  @DeRamosMedia (please follow!).

Monday, February 1, 2010

Webcomic #008g: Doppelgänger Week

"I am disappointed that I cannot participate in Doppelgänger Week on Facebook," laments the Vampire Lord.  "I look like nobody, and face-matching software does not help me at all."  He goes on to describe his attempts to find a more famous twin:

"One photo matched Danny Glover, Terrence Howard, Matthew Lillard, Al Pacino, and Gillian Anderson."  Well, that's diverse.

"Another photo matched The Rock, Bill Cosby, John & Yoko's son Sean Lennon, Helena Christiansen, Tiger Woods, Brittany Murphy, and Rudyard Kipling."  That's even more varied.  Then again, the Vampire Lord has the power to shape shift to some degree.

"Then it said I look like Luc Besson, cult leader Shoko Asahara, Sophie Marceau, Saddam Hussein, and Martin Luther King, Jr."  You might want to Google or Wikipedia some of the names mentioned above, and hopefully I spelled all the names correctly.  "Seriously, what the hell?" the Vampire asks, bordering on despair.

"You know what they say:  You are what you suck," consoles the Vampire Lady.  "That's what she said," she says.