Friday, January 29, 2010

Webcomic #007g: Music Hypothesis

"Popular bands and recording artists tend to fall into the trap of sameness," hypothesizes the Vampire Lord.

"Here we go again..." sighs Justine.

"You need not use similar melodies for every would-be hit single," the vampire advises to a hypothetical audience of presumably popular singers and songwriters and band members.  "Sure, that particular mode and interval sequence are part of your signature sound," he muses.  "Just do not use them all the time."

"Which bands are you talking about?" asks the newborn Vampire Lady.

"I'm guessing every popular band that he's not a fanboy of," guesses Justine.

"Blah," affirms the Vampire Lord.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Webcomic #006g: Literate People

"You can't judge a book by its cover," states the zombie bride, adding to the cliché, "but you can definitely judge a magazine by its cover."

"Is this still a metaphor for people?" Justine asks, confused.

"Does a person use an airbrushed celebrity of the hour to sell issues?" the zombie bride replies, in question form.  "Does a person use catchy headlines to hype up his or her lack of content?" she asks a second question.

"Some people do," replies the acid-faced zombie groom.

"Then there are two kinds of people in this world:  Books and periodicals," concludes the zombie bride.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Webcomic #005g: An Apple a Day Pays for My Retirement #apple #tablet

"It is expected that Apple will announce its latest product, a tablet computer, sometime today," announces Justine.  "It should be a bestseller!"  (Well, considering that this comic was written on Monday and published on Wednesday, the announcement might happen on Tuesday - thus screwing up part of the premise.)

"My future, retired self is totally happy for this anticipated consumer excitement," replies the Silver Werewolf, disclosing his investment in AAPL stock, "but my present workaholic self has no time for the latest electronic trinkets!  Now let's drink on the job!"  (The writer of this comic also has little time for the latest gadgets.  He has plenty of time, however, for tried-and-true obsolete technology.)

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Webcomic #004g: Teenage Butterfly Angst

"Butterflies have it right," muses the Vampire Lord.  "Their babies are cute caterpillars.  Their adults are beautiful butterflies."  Then he states his punchline:  "And their teenagers are locked inside cocoons!"  Hi-yo!

Apparently, if you're a centuries-old Vampire Lord, you know a thing or two about parenthood (and cynicism).

"Well, cocoons are for moths; butterflies have the chrysalis," corrects Justine, bordering on know-it-all-ism.  (Actually, I just learnt that on Wikipedia!  So who knows if that's even remotely correct?)

"That's good to know," sarcastically replies the zombie in pajamas.

"Adolescent people do go through a stage of being trapped and gathering the strength to break free," Justine says, debating the vampire's perspective.  "It's called high school."

"Thanks for the public service announcement," says the sarcastic zombie, with a hole in her head.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Webcomic #003g: Let's Get Political!

"I figured out why half of America disagrees with the other half," says the boxer shorts zombie.

"What about the middle?"  Justine asks.  Of course, the zombie simplifies his argument by ignoring the middle, and treating everyone in the U.S. as part of a dichotomy of extremes, but let's humor the zombie, shall we?

"It's all about perception," he continues, ignoring the woman's question.  "The Right believes they are on the side of Liberty."

So she plays along with his argument.  "But to the Left, they are money lovers at best and hypocritically theocratic at worst," says Justine, completing the zombie's thought process for him.  Remember that old New Testament adage:  The love of money is the root of all evil.  That definitely would be a point of hypocrisy for any would-be Christian theocrats.

For the most part, conservatives tend to equate Liberty with a limited Federal government and (potentially) unlimited states' rights:  A theocracy here, a socialist state there, and some post-apocalyptic anarchy for good measure over there.  Conservatives also tend to disagree amongst themselves about Liberty on the personal level, though - or at least, they'll let the individual states decide how free is free for how many people.  Good luck finding a good state, then.

"The Left believes they are on the side of Justice," says the zombie.

"But to the Right, they are tax happy at best and anti-American Stalinists at worst," replies the woman.

Issues like health care reform and gay marriage - like college grants, integration, suffrage, and emancipation before them - do look an awful lot like social justice, equal opportunity, and civil rights.  Of course, social conservatives tend to disagree, and cite any of the above (and some go old school on this!) as a deterioration of the 'American' way of life.  Fiscal conservatives tend to dislike all the issues that involve tax money, like health care/insurance overhaul and, yes, FAFSA grant money.

What happened to ...with Liberty and Justice for all?  And yes, I'm talking about both the U.S. "Pledge of Allegiance" ideal and old-school Metallica.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Webcomic #002g: Television Returns!

"I say," says the hospital gown zombie, "this has been an incredibly productive several weeks."

"I became fluent in three more languages," brags the boxer shorts zombie.

"I wrote a bestselling novel," says the substitute teacher zombie, tooting his own horn.

"I recorded a double album," proclaims the pajamas zombie.

"I overthrew a despotic regime," declares the nightgown zombie.

"Great news, everybody!  Some of our favorite TV shows have returned!" excitedly announces the regular clothes zombie.  Indeed this is great news.  Supernatural came back from the winter hiatus last night, and Lost will start its final season in a couple of weeks.  The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, on the other hand, is another story...


The zombies' minds turn to mush after consuming too much multimedia.  "Brainnn...!!!" they moan.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Webcomic #001g: Extremely Ethical Eating

"I've decided to become a vegetarian." declares the Silver Werewolf.  "It is unethical to eat other living things.  I will only eat vegetables, dairy, eggs, and honey."

"So you're okay with enslaving animals for cheese, omelets, and honey mustard," Justine replies.

"Scratch that; I am now a vegan.  I respect all life too much."

"Plants want to live, too," the woman reminds the werewolf.

"Son of a..."

"You should become a fruitarian.  The plant doesn't die.  Avoid eating seeds, too," suggests Justine.  "If you can't avoid consuming seeds, you must crap outside, so that new plants may sprout from your feces."

"Screw it; I'm gonna have a steak and a beer."

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Webcomic #013f: Negatives

"The complete opposite of something often does not negate the initial statement," states the werewolf.

"How so?" asks the vampire.

"What's the complete opposite of 'I will punch you'?"

"Is it 'I will not punch you'?"

"Nope," replies the werewolf.  "I becomes you.  Future tense becomes past tense.  Punch becomes kick.  You becomes me," he summarizes, using faulty dichotomies as his logic.

"How about 'She shoots him'?" interrupts Justine, as she shoots him.  ???? shoots the Magical Shotgun, confused by today's topic choice.

"That could work, too," responds a soon-to-be-unresponsive werewolf.

"'"You kicked me!'" answers the vampire, as he becomes human.  "Hmm..."

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Webcomic #012f: Knowing the Future

"I have just seen a vision of the future!" excitedly announces the reptilian humanoid.

"The content of your vision depends on the type of person you are," advises Justine.  "If you believe that the future has already been written, and that you will do what you're supposed to do, then the vision will be accurate.  If you believe that you have the free will to alter the future, then the vision will be purposely misleading, and you will do what you're supposed to do in the end. All time is already there.  If there are alternate time lines, how would we know?  And what good is it to dwell on the 'what ifs'?"

After finishing her spiel, Justine concedes:  "Then again, the sixth season of LOST could alter my belief system."

Monday, January 18, 2010

Webcomic #011f: Web Browsers

"I got tired of Firefox and installed Chrome," says the Reptilian Humanoid.

"How is it?" asks Justine.

"It's freakin' awesome!"  (Personally, I still have to see what features I can add to the Chrome browser.  So far, I miss the Echofon Twitter add-on.)  "I'm telling everyone about it!" declares the reptile.  Turning to a group of tourists, "Hey ladies, Chrome!"  Yes, it is a strange thing to have a reptilian humanoid in priestly clothing, flirting with people with the topic of Internet technology.

"It has a simple interface," the reptile gushes.  Indeed, it does.  Physical gadgets are trending toward button-less features.  Software like Chrome seems to lack the familiar "File, Edit, etc." menu bar, but all the functions are there.  You just need to press one of the few icons or right click to get them.  (Knowing the basic control/command + C/X/V/S/P/Z/etc. keystrokes is also useful.)

"Oh, did I mention that it makes the web a bit faster?" he asks her (rhetorically).  "It's as if Google asked the World Wide Web itself - 'Hey, InterWebs!  Google here.  Do you mind slowing it down for the other browsers?'

"And the Web said, 'Sure thing, Google!'"

"So did Google do that?  And does it involve reptilian humanoids?"

"I ain't sayin'."

Friday, January 15, 2010

Webcomic #010f: Pants on the Ground; I'm with Coco

TV! Blows, declares the Magical Shotgun.  This is the thesis of the following quasi-Socratic dialogue:

"Conan's last Tonight Show could be on January 22nd," Justine informs the Vampire Lady.  Coincidentally, the early hours of January 23 might be the last time I purposely watch Channel 4.1 for a long time.

Tired of the constant coverage of this real-life 30 Rock debacle, the vampire replies, "I don't want to talk about NBC."  She shifts the subject:  "I want to talk about 'Pants on the Ground' by General Larry Platt."  Appropriately enough, the Vampire Lady is not wearing any pants.  Or clothing, for that matter.

"You want to talk about American Idol, the show originally judged by an A&R representative, a bass player, and a former pop star."


Thursday, January 14, 2010

Webcomic #009f: Pat, Rush, and Other Verbs

"There are a handful of types of people in this world," observes the Vampire Lady.  "There are good people, whose virtuous qualities are so idealized, that they are no longer subject to verification."  After transforming into a vampire wolf, she continues:  "There are regular people, who make good choices and/or bad choices, and often experience the consequences of their actions.  While killing a few werewolves, she says, "Then there who analyze tragic events and spin them according to their own political or theocratic agenda.  They could be bad on the inside," she almost concludes, "but that depends on how pleasant they are when drunk."

"I totally did not notice she was naked the entire time!" says the Silver Werewolf, after finding the bodies of the vampire's victims.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Webcomic #008f: #TeamConan

The Vampire Lord, Tourist Krampus, and the Vampire Lady are on "Team Conan," as are Justine, a bunch of werewolves, several zombies, and Deus ex Webcomica.

While the Reptilian Humanoid priest isn't exactly "Team Leno," it seems he's "Team NBC Executives" for some reason.  To each his/her own, I guess.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Webcomic #007f: Late Night TV Blues

As if you haven't heard already, "Jay Leno will return to the 11:35 PM time slot on NBC," says Justine.  "Conan O'Brien might move to the 12:05 time slot, or leave NBC."

"You must look at it from the demographically bright side of things," advises the Vampire Lord.  "Jon Stewart is on at 11 PM.  Stephen Colbert is on at 11:30.  Conan would start his show right after Colbert."

"Unless he moves to Fox," suggests Justine.

"NBC, Fox, whatever - just as long as Conan goes to a Hulu-affiliated network - 'cause broadcast TV sucks anyway," concludes the Vampire Lady.  I'm pretty sure she also includes cable and satellite in her harsh indictment.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Webcomic #006f: Bra Color

"White," reveals the badly decomposed zombie.

"Black," announces the living human.

"Nude," says the bridal zombie.

"Thanks to your status updates..." declares the Vampire Lord, "...breast cancer awareness has increased..." he continues, " my pants."

Friday, January 8, 2010

Webcomic #005f: Celebrity Long Con

"It seems like the character arc for people who are famous for being famous is in two parts," hypothesizes Justine.  "Part one:  Being a Douche."  She explains further:  "Famous douches have fans who are young, naive, and/or equally douchey.  They have detractors who have too much time on their hands and cannot look away from the mess.  Then there are those who don't care one way or another about these "celebrities.  Famous douches probably hate the last category of people."

All the while, an id-driven werewolf parties while the human rants.  "I bite off zombie heads!  I do what I want!" he declares, after biting off a zombie's head.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Webcomic #004f: In a Hurry Because I'm Hungry

In a series of graphics filter abuse, the Magical Shotgun asks What's going on?

The Last Human-Human on Earth can only wonder, "Hmm..."

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Webcomic #013e: Avatar

"Did you see that one Avatar movie yet?" the werewolf asks the vampire.

They fight.  Shot!  The woman shoots the werewolf.  The vampire bites the woman.  The vampire turns human.

"No, I have not," replies the ex-vampire, regarding the previous question.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Webcomic #012e: Blog Less

"What's your New Year's resolution?" Justine asks her reptilian humanoid priest companion.

"I strive to be less reptilian and more humanoid," he replies.  "Or is it the other way around?"

I interrupt their filler conversation by transporting the Last Human-Human on Earth to another dimension to answer her question (that wasn't directed to me, mind you.)  "I choose to blog less in 2010," I declare.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Webcomic #008e: Repeats

"This seems familiar..." muses the Vampire Lady.  Sure enough, this Webcomic sequence has already been used during the week of Thanksgiving.  "Someone's been messing with the space-time continuum!" she concludes.

Indeed, we have.  Indeed.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year, 2010!

The Vampire Lord bit Justine the Last Human-Human on Earth, and he is now apparently the New Last Human-Human on Earth.  Justine shot the Silver Werewolf, her monthly companion (that sounds like a euphemism for a period).  The Vampire Lady is evidently invincible, or is she?  Who are the Reptilian Humanoids, like the seemingly helpful priest?  We'll find out...soon...