Webcomic #013d: Count

Ten!  Nine!  Eight!  Seven!  Six!

"That's Numberwang!" exclaims Justine the Last Human-Human on Earth.

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Webcomic #013c: Story

"It ends tonight, Vampire Lord!" exclaims the Silver Werewolf, in the shadow of the clock tower that houses the Big Ben bell.

"I suppose you want a fair fight," sighs the Vampire Lord, transforming into an equally anthropomorphic wolf.  "Hadouken!" he shouts, throwing the first punch.

"Sonic Boom!" declares Silver, with a punch to the vampire's throat.  With the upper hand, the werewolf (appropriately) goes for the vampire's jugular.

"Help me, Justine..." begs the bleeding vampire.

"I don't think so," she says at first.  Then she remembers what Deus ex Webcomica told her last week, in 1912:  You must sacrifice your friends and yourself.

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Webcomic #013b: Italian

"It seems like the Universe doesn't want me to learn Italian," hypothesizes the Silver Werewolf.

"That is ridiculous," scoffs the Vampire Lord.

"My order for a discounted Pimsleur course was canceled due to it being out of stock."

"Pay full price, you cheapskate!" admonishes the vampire, now in werewolf form.

"I bought a multilingual pronunciation guide, and the Italian pages are missing!"

"Weird," the vampire wolf admits.

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Webcomic #013a: Chocula

"I recently saw that Van Helsing movie from 2004," the Silver Werewolf says to his opponent, the Vampire Lord.

"That movie flattered neither werewolves nor vampires," the Vampire Lord replies, removing his clothes before transforming into a vampire wolf.  "Their Dracula looked like Count Chocula.  Blah."

"I liked that werewolves could kill Dracula," the werewolf says, punching the vampire in the throat.

"That is not going to happen," the vampire promises.  After the wolf's attempt to drain the vampire of blood fails, the Vampire Lord affirms his claim:  "See?"

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Sneak Peek Sunday: Webcomic #013

This week is apparently the cliffhanger season finale of the Webcomic.  We'll probably repeat these past 13 sequences for the time being, with different speech bubbles, until we figure out what happens next.  Seriously, how can we top the following twists:  Justine shoots her werewolf boyfriend; the Vampire Lord drains the Last Human-Human on Earth's blood; the Vampire Lord turns human?  (We have some idea...)

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Final 32 Words in θəwəməθy (DeRamosh), a #NewLanguage

We're using the Swadesh list to come up with the first 207 words or so in DeRamosh.  Before we start, here are the letters of this new language's alphabet:  ə θ w y m (þ k).

ə = All vowels are schwas.
θ = th sound.
w = w sound.
y = consonant-y sound.
m = m sound.

þ = Plosives are used for words of disgust; spit.
k =  Hard consonants might be used for words of anger.  ???

Without further ado, the final 32 words:

1. black = θəywəw /thoy-woh/
   
2. night = məyθ /moyth/
3. day = θəy /thoy/
   
4. year = əmməəw /uhm-muh-oh/
   
5. warm = wəywəwm /woy-wohm/
   
6. cold = wəyθəm /woy-thuhm/
   
7. full = wəwwəəw /woh-wuhth/
   
8. new = məwəw /moh-oh/
   
9. old = əyəθ /oy-uhth/
   
10. good = yəəθ /yuh-uhth/
    
11. bad = əwəw /uh-woh/
    
12. rotten = wəθθəm /wuh-thuhm/
    
13. dirty = θəwθəy /thoh-thoy/
    
14. straight = θwəyθ /thwoyth/
    
15. round = wəymθ /woymth/
    
16. sharp = θəwəw /thoh-oh/
    
17. dull = θəwəy /thoh-oy/
18. smooth = θməyθ /thmoyth/
    
19. wet = məyθ /moyth/
    
20. dry = θwəy /thwoy/
    
21. correct = yəwwəyθ /yoh-woyth/
    
22. near = məəw /muh-oh/
    
23. far = θəθθəmθ /thuhth-thuhmth/
    
24. right = θəθθəw /thuhth-thoh/
    
25. left = θəməθθəw /thuh-muhth-thoh/
    
26. at = θəwθəw /thoh-thoh/
    
27. in = əmθəθ /uhm-thuhth/
    
28. with = əmwəθəw /uhm-wuh-thoh/
    
29. and = əy /oy/
    
30. if = əwθəm /oh-thuhm/
    
31. because = wəwθəm /woh-thuhm/
    
32. name = məməm /muh-muhm/
    

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Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, among other winter holidays, from the DeRamos.org Webcomic and our assorted variety of vampires, werewolves, zombies, reptilian humanoids, and human-humans - and other freaks and ghouls.

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Webcomic #012d: Winter Holidays

"Virtually all of these December holidays deal with good triumphing over evil, light conquering darkness, and the warmth of the sun fighting back the cold of winter," Justine casually observes.

"Do you really want to compare religious observances with a priest?  Similar rebirth deities and their birthdays?  Humanity's will to survive during the Northern Hemisphere's cold winter?" the reptilian humanoid replies, appearing (but not really) offended.

"Not really," she says, fading away into the cosmos.

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Webcomic #012c: Fast Food Tacos

"Fast food tacos are the ultimate road trip food," declares the Last Human-Human on Earth to her priestly reptilian humanoid companion.

"What about cheeseburgers?" he asks.

"No, hamburger patties are no good when they are no longer warm," she replies, fading away from 2009.

"Taco meat is good at whatever temperature," Justine says near the Triangulum Galaxy.  "That's what she said," she tells herself.

At a dining room aboard the Titanic, Justine asks a server, "Do you 1912 people serve some fast food tacos?"

Taco! shoots her magical shotgun.  No one is freaked out about a shooting, talking gun.  Hmm...

Unaware of the existence of both fast food and tacos, the server replies, "No, and we've just hit an iceberg!"

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Webcomic #012b: Party Time!

Teleporting from a South Carolina beach, floating in multiplicity in deep space, winding up in 1912, surviving the Titanic, and washing up on the aforementioned beach in 2009 can only mean one thing:  "Damn, that was a kick ass party."

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Webcomic #012a: LibriVox-mas Music!

"You absolutely have to download Christmas Carol Collection 2009 from LibriVox!" declares the reptilian humanoid, who happens to also be a priest.  Or is that the other way around?

"I'll do so right away!" excitedly responds Justine.  Unfortunately, she starts to glow, then fade away.  "I guess not," she laments.

Transcending the cosmos, Justine asks out loud:  "Where am I?"

She appears in a different time and place.  "Or is it, when am I?"

"When?  1912," I respond, being the Deus ex Webcomica of this pocket universe.  "Where?  The RMS Titanic."  The ship hits an iceberg, and the rest is history.  "By the way, stereo versions of my Christmas carols are available at deramosmusic.com!" I inform Justine, who's floating in the cold ocean.

"There are no MP3s in 1912!" she reminds me.  Very well, I'll have to send her back to 2009.

In warmer waters, in the present, the Last Human-Human on Earth says, "Now I can start downloading!"

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Sneak Peek Sunday: Webcomic #012

I'm not sure what's going on here, but our fearless heroine either transcends space-time, experiences a theophany, or jumps backward into the Atlantic Ocean while high. Or all of the above.

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Another 25 Words in θəwəməθy (DeRamosh), a #NewLanguage

We're using the Swadesh list to come up with the first 207 words or so in DeRamosh.  Before we start, here are the letters of this new language's alphabet:  ə θ w y m (þ k).

ə = All vowels are schwas.
θ = th sound.
w = w sound.
y = consonant-y sound.
m = m sound.

þ = Plosives are used for words of disgust; spit.
k =  Hard consonants might be used for words of anger.  ???

Without further ado, the next 25 words:

1. rain = wəəm /wuh-uhm/
   
2. river = wəwəw /wuh-woh/
   
3. lake = wəyə /wuh-yuh/
   
4. sea = məw /moh/
5. salt = θəwθəəm /thohth-uh-uhm/
   
6. stone = yəθθəwθ /yuhth-thohth/
   
7. sand = θəmθ /thuhmth/
8. dust = θəθə /thuhth-uh/
   
9. earth = əwθ /ohth/
   
10. cloud = məmwəθ /muhm-wuhth/
    
11. fog = wəy /woy/
12. sky = θəy /thoy/
    
13. wind = wəmθ /wuhmth/
    
14. snow = θməw /thmoh/
    
15. ice = əθ /uhth/
    
16. smoke = θməθ /thmuhth/
    
17. fire = wəwəw /woh-oh/
    
18. ashes = əθəθ /uhth-uhth/
    
19. burn = məwθ /mohth/
    
20. road = wəwθ /wohth/
    
21. mountain = məwmθəm /mohm-thuhm/
    
22. red = wəyəθ /woy-uhth/
23. green = yəwəəm /yoh-uh-uhm/
    
24. yellow = yəwəw /yuh-woh/
    
25. white = wəyθ /woyth/

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Webcomic #011e: Jingle Bells?

"Did you know that 'Jingle Bells' was copyrighted as 'The One Horse Open Sleigh'?" asks Justine.  She's really not asking a question, but showing off her Wikipedia skillz.

"Aye, that filthy number," replies the priest, who happens to be a reptilian humanoid.

"How is 'Jingle Bells' dirty?"

"You must go beyond the first verse," he advises, formulating his conspiracy theory.

"Dashing thro’ the snow,

In a one-horse open sleigh,

O’er the hills we go,

Laughing all the way;

Bells on bob tail ring,

Making spirits bright,

Oh what sport to ride and sing

A sleighing song to night.

"Verse two:  Reckless driving."

A day or two ago,

I thought I’d take a ride,

And soon Miss Fannie Bright

Was seated by my side,

The horse was lean and lank;

Misfortune seemed his lot,

He got into a drifted bank,

And we, we got upsot.

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Webcomic #011d: Light My Candles in a Daze

After escaping the vampires in the Los Angeles area amphitheatre, Justine and the priestly reptile drive to the state line between California and Nevada.  "The shot pierced her heart.  Bullets don't harm the Vampire Lady," expresses the vexed woman.

The reptilian humanoid ponders the problem.  He soon comes up with a solution:  "We need to find the Creator."  He continues his declaration of faith:  "He'll know what to do."

They make their way to Chicago, but Justine doubts the reptile of faith's plan.  "This is not possible.  They haven't done this on Supernatural yet, either."

The reptile asks the bystanders if they think his plan is possible.  "Do you think this is possible, ladies?"

The female werewolves, in daylight-human form, reply:  "It's possible."

In Canada, Justine wants the reptile to clarify his plan and their road trip.  "You're telling me that we have to find God."

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Webcomic #011c: Southern Hemisphere Holiday Season?

"You know who gets a raw deal during the December holidays?" Justine asks her priest companion, who happens to be a reptilian humanoid.

"Non-religious, anti-consumerists?" answers the padre.

"Perhaps, but really everyone who lives south of the Equator."

"Okay..."

"Winter this, winter that. It's summer over there, you know."

"Technically, it's still springtime."  If it's still autumn in the North, then well...

"But who's dashing through the snow?" sympathetically asks the Last Human-Human.

Holding a hardcover copy of Wikipedia, the reptile guesses, "Mountain people, extreme south people..."

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Webcomic #011b: Pocket Universes?

In Primm, Nevada, Justine starts a conversation with her reptilian humanoid companion (who happens to be a priest):  "Sometimes I think about pocket universes."  It is mostly a one-sided conversation, as she continues her out-loud wondering in Chicago:  "Is a black hole a gateway to a pocket universe?"

Their long road trip reaches the province of Ontario.  "Is our own universe another universe's black hole?"  The reptile and the human find their to a New York City subway station.  "When I dream, do I make my own pocket universe?"

At a South Carolina beach, the reptilian humanoid finally replies.  "I believe that if you create it, it becomes," he muses zen-like, strangely holding a printed-and-bound BLOG.

"Ooh...reflexive," Justine observes.

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Webcomic #011a: On 'The Road' Again

"Did you see the film adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's The Road?" the reptilian humanoid padre asks the Last Human-Human on Earth.  (For reference, Justine isn't the last human on earth.  All other humans turn into werewolves during the night of a full moon.  And then there are zombies and vampires.  And now we have reptilian humanoids.)

"No," Justine replies.

"Have you read the book?"

"No."

Holding his copy of The Road, the reptile offers: "Do you want to read my copy?"

"Maybe next time."

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Sneak Peek Sunday: Webcomic #011

Justine the Last Human-Human on Earth and the Reptilian Humanoid priest go on a road trip across North America! We'll have to think of a good name for the good reptile - Father...???

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25 More Words in θəwəməθy (DeRamosh), a #NewLanguage

We're using the Swadesh list to come up with the first 207 words or so in DeRamosh.  Before we start, here are the letters of this new language's alphabet:  ə θ w y m (þ k).

ə = All vowels are schwas.
θ = th sound.
w = w sound.
y = consonant-y sound.
m = m sound.

þ = Plosives are used for words of disgust; spit.
k =  Hard consonants might be used for words of anger.  ???

Without further ado, the next 25 words:

1. turn = θəwm /thohm/
   
2. fall = wəww /woh/
   
3. give = yəwə /yoh-wuh/
   
4. hold = yəwθ /yohth/
   
5. squeeze = θwəəθə /thwuh-uh-thuh/
   
6. rub = wəθyəm /wuhth-yuhm/
   
7. wash = wəθyə /wuhth-yuh/
   
8. wipe = wəwəəm /wuh-wuh-uhm/
   
9. pull = wəww /woh/
   
10. push = wəθθ /wuhth/
    
11. throw = θwəw /thwoh/
    
12. tie = θəə /thuh-uh/
13. sew = θəw /thoh/
    
14. count = məməwwəθ /muh-moh-wuhth/
    
15. say = wəθəwəθ /wuh-thoh-uhth/
    
16. sing = θəmyə /thuhm-yuh/
    
17. play = wəwəyə /wuh-wuh-yuh/
    
18. float = wəwəəθ /wuh-wuh-uhth/
    
19. flow = wəwəw /wuh-woh/
    
20. freeze = wəwəəθə /wuh-wuh-uh-thuh/
    
21. swell = θwəww /thwoh/
    
22. sun = θəwm /thohm/
    
23. moon = wəmə /wuh-muh/
    
24. star = θəwwəw /thoh-woh/
    
25. water = wəθəw /wuh-thoh/
    

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Webcomic #010e: Christmas Music

KA-BOOM! exclaims the Magical Shotgun, anticipating victory over the Vampire Lady.  Nothin'.

During the course of the battle between the Last Human and the vampiress, the Vampire Lord enters with some personal news:  "I shall learn some Christmas songs."

"No one cares, my lord," states the Vampire Lady.

"I think that's great!" replies Justine, who's about to have her blood drained.

"Kiss ass!"

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Webcomic #010d: Spoilers ex Webcomica?

Deus ex Webcomica speaks the mangled slang of the land:

"The Vampire Lady, like, totally got shot through the heart!" he/she/it exclaims, as Justine and her Shotgun shoot the vampiress.

She heals.  "No freakin' way!  She healed!  What's up with that?"   Some mysteries are better left unsolved, perhaps.

The Vampire Lady turns into a bat demon.  "Oh, snap!  She turned into a bat!"

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Webcomic #010c: Christmas Shopping

SPEND! shoots the magically capitalistic, speaking shotgun.

"I totally got my Christmas shopping done today," informs the Vampire Lady.

Smart.

"And I made sure I got free shipping!  It's early enough in December to receive my packages on time."  That's great.

"Maybe I should have spent the extra money to have the items gift wrapped."  No, I think you can do a lot better with your money than spend about $4 per item on nondescript wrapping paper.

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Webcomic #010b: How to Be Your Own Ancestor

Weird! warns the magically-talking shotgun.

"If I were to build a time machine, I'd like to be my own ancestor," muses the Last Human-Human on Earth.

"What?" asks a puzzled Vampire Lady.

Seriously.

"I don't mean that I would replace my mom or grandmother or great-grandmother," clarifies Justine.  "That would be creepy."

This does not persuade the vampiress.

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Webcomic #010a: You Guessed It: Reptilian Humanoids!

Blast! is the sound of a magical shotgun firing into the chest of a Vampire Lady.  Blood scatters.  It is over.

On second thought, the would-be fatal wound heals instantaneously, leaving an unsightly (or sightly, if these people were real...) hole in the Vampire Lady's clothes.

"You ruined a perfectly good nightgown," complains the Vampire Lady to her nemesis Justine.

The Last Human-Human on Earth aims to fire again.  This time, it will count.  Click, click.  "Damn.  Out of ammo!"

The Vampire Lady bursts out of her tattered dress and transforms into a Bat Demon!  "Ha, ha!" she laughs evilly.

"Is there no limit to your naked monster forms?" sarcastically asks Justine to her foe.

"I have plenty," replies the Vampire Lady.  Hand-to-wing combat ensues.

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Sneak Peek Sunday: Webcomic #010

I'm fairly certain that this is our most action-packed comic yet!  Also, for the second week in a row, the Vampire Lady can't seem to keep her (already rather sheer) clothes on.  Who draws this tripe?  We introduce a new character:  A vampire-repelling, reptilian humanoid priest!  Only in Los Angeles (where this sequence takes place)...

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Next 25 Words of θəwəməθy (DeRamosh), a #NewLanguage

We're using the Swadesh list to come up with the first 207 words or so in DeRamosh.  Before we start, here are the letters of this new language's alphabet:  ə θ w y m (þ k).

ə = All vowels are schwas.
θ = th sound.
w = w sound.
y = consonant-y sound.
m = m sound.

þ = Plosives are used for words of disgust; spit.
k =  Hard consonants might be used for words of anger.  ???

Without further ado, the next 25 words:

1. see = wəθyəw /wuhth-yoh/
   
2. hear = əθyəw /uhth-yoh/
   
3. know = θəyəw /thuh-yoh/
   
4. think = θəyəθ /thuh-yuhth/
   
5. smell = əwwəwəθwə /oh-wuh-wuhth-wuh/
   
6. fear = θəməw /thuhm-oh/
   
7. sleep = θəmməθ /thuhm-mohth/
   
8. live = wəwə /wuh-wuh/
   
9. die = məwθəw /moh-thoh/
   
10. kill = kəww /koh/
    
11. fight = wəwyəθ /woh-yuhth/
    
12. hunt = θəwθ /thohth/
    
13. hit = yəθ /yuhth/
    
14. cut = θwəθə /thwuh-thuh/
    
15. split = θəwəθ /thuh-wuhth/
    
16. stab = θəwə /thoh-uh/
    
17. scratch = θwəθyə /thwuhth-yuh/
    
18. dig = θəyəə /thuh-yuh-uh/
19. swim = θwəm /thwuhm/
    
20. fly (v.) = wəwəyə /wuh-wuh-yuh/
    
21. walk = yəyə /yuh-yuh/
    
22. come = əwwəθyə /oh-wuhth-yuh/
    
23. lie = wəə /wuh-uh/
    
24. sit = wəθθ /wuhth/
    
25. stand = θəmθ /thuhmth/
    

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Webcomic #009e: Romantic Comedies?

Speaking to her audience of captive werewolves, an unclothed Vampire Lady formulates her hypothesis: "You don't see young actors in romantic comedies these days. They're all busy being emo vampires in the movies and on TV."  It has been established that gruesome ghouls of this sarcastic webcomic are not fans of the sparkly kind.

Transforming into a vampire wolf, she attacks the brown-furred wolf, saying, "The 20- and 30-something stars of 1990's rom-coms are still around." Turning her attention to the ash-furred wolf, she continues: "But instead of young people rom-coms, they're now starring in 40-something rom-coms."

The orange-furred wolf begs for his life, when she makes another observation. "They're the same thing, except with divorced single people, not unmarried single people."

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Webcomic #009d: Tips for Tiger Woods

Upon hearing more details concerning the circumstances of golf superstar Tiger Woods' car crash, Red Wolf begins his rant:

"They sell prepaid cell phones for a reason, Tiger Woods!

"You don't have to keep your alleged mistress on speed dial, Tiger Woods!

"You don't leave recorded messages if you don't want them disclosed publicly at a later date, Tiger Woods!"

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Webcomic #009c: Resist Temptation!

"We found the Vampire Lady!"  With that, the dangerous quest inside an active volcano is over.  Or is it?

"Good!" exclaims Justine the Last Human-Human on Earth.  "Whatever you do, resist temptation!"

"She's not wearing any clothes!"  Uh-oh.

"Would you like a free $100 gift certificate?" asks the Vampire Lady to the trio of varied-furred werewolves.

"Okay."

"How about a plate of pastrami sandwiches?"

"What were we supposed to do again?"

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Webcomic #009b: Malware?

"Hey, guys, let's go on Twitter!" invites Silver Wolf to his friends Dishwater, Red, and Pepper.

"I'm downloading a file!" replies Pepper.  It's probably porn.

An unclothed Vampire Lady has been downloaded.  See?  Porn.

"Awesome! I must forward you to my friends!"

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