Blast! is the sound of a magical shotgun firing into the chest of a Vampire Lady. Blood scatters. It is over.
On second thought, the would-be fatal wound heals instantaneously, leaving an unsightly (or sightly, if these people were real...) hole in the Vampire Lady's clothes.
"You ruined a perfectly good nightgown," complains the Vampire Lady to her nemesis Justine.
The Last Human-Human on Earth aims to fire again. This time, it will count. Click, click. "Damn. Out of ammo!"
The Vampire Lady bursts out of her tattered dress and transforms into a Bat Demon! "Ha, ha!" she laughs evilly.
"Is there no limit to your naked monster forms?" sarcastically asks Justine to her foe.
"I have plenty," replies the Vampire Lady. Hand-to-wing combat ensues.
"Sock!" exclaims Justine as her left fist flies toward the vile belly of the vampiress. Sock!
"Ouch," the Vampire Lady declares. She is in pain. With the upper hand, Justine has her enemy trapped in a headlock.
The Vampire Lord appears. "Not so fast, mortal."
The tide has turned. Justine is outnumbered, and in the wrong place. The battle is inside a Los Angeles amphitheater. The Sun cannot save her a third time. The Vampire Lady transforms back into her standard, human-like appearance. And once again, she is unclothed.
The Vampire Lady breathes on Justine's neck, searching for that perfect spot to plunge her fangs. It is not unlike finding where to insert a straw on a Capri-Sun juice pouch. If you screw up, you screw up. If your straw bends, you're screwed. It's really hard. (That's what she said; that's what she said; that's what she said.)
"Why did I not bring my video camera?" asks the Vampire Lord, realizing the innate hotness of girl-on-girl bloodsucking to his point of view.
"That's not funny," both women, visibly offended, reply simultaneously.
Faux pas aside, the bloodletting is about to begin. No can save the Last Human-Human now. She is doomed to either annihilation or to join the ranks of the undead! Would it be better to be a mindless zombie, or to be a bloodthirsty vampire?
"Back, you devils!" forcibly declares the voice of a reptilian humanoid, apparently a Roman Catholic priest. He holds a copy of the Twilight sequel New Moon. We've possibly entered either some sacriligious territory or lots of holy diversity here.
"Hiss..." The Vampire Lord is instantly repulsed by the book and is driven away. Out of obligation, the Vampire Lady follows along, even though she could possibly be a fan of those books.
On their way out of the amphitheater, the Vampire Lord laments, "I loathe sparkly vampires."
"We've already established that," reminds his still-nude companion.
Thanks to this mysterious new vampire hunter, Justine lives to fight another day.
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