Monday, September 14, 2009

Waiting for 2010 #123: Inappropriate Outburst(s)

There's a whole lot of prominent rudeness going on as of late, whether a curt accusation during the President's speech or a meltdown that ends a tennis match or an opinionated interruption during an acceptance speech in an awards show. To celebrate (or mock...your choice) the verbosity of certain politicians, talk radio hosts, teabaggers, professional athletes, and recording artists, we present this hurriedly recompiled design:


This design is on all sorts of merchandise, in several sizes and colors - for men, women, children, babies, and pets. We've also lowered all our prices in our "Sick Happens" section!

Now that the shameless self-promotion is done, let me suggest some snarky solutions for Rep. Wilson, Ms. Williams, and Mr. West. We're apparently helping out W surnames today, so sorry, Mr. Beck; you won't get a solution to cure your chronic asshattery today.

Anyhow, the outbursters, in chronological order:

Joe Wilson, you really need to use your spotlight to nudge the debate over to something that resembles civility and not teabaggery. If you continue to encourage the fearmongrels, then hopefully you'll be asked to apologize on every possible ocassion for the foreseeable future. Now ask yourself: Can you do any real good as the "You lie!" rude guy?

Serena Williams, hopefully you won't get suspended from continuing your doubles matches with your sister. Venus should not be punished for your McEnroe-esque meltdown. After the Williams sisters' probable U.S. Open doubles win, and if the governing body of professional tennis doesn't suspend you, please feel free to go on a voluntary year-long exile from tennis. Call it a sabbatical. Do some really goodwill ambassador stuff during this time. (By the way, congratulations to Kim Clijsters for being the first unranked, unseeded Grand Slam champion, and the first mother in 29 years to do so.)

Kanye West, it might be time to scale back on being a self-important superstar and migrate back into the world of behind-the-scenes production. You're good at programming beats, fiddling with Autotune, and writing lyrics, so there's no reason why you should stop doing those productive things. You should definitely write and produce for some better adjusted (albeit less talented) artists who can't write or produce for themselves. Otherwise:



(In any case, kudos to Beyonce for rectifying the damage, and letting Taylor Swift finish her acceptance speech, even though Beyonce was not responsible for Kanye's actions. However, this happy ending could have been a quick orchestration by the MTV VMA producers to save face, but Beyonce gets the credit for being classy.)

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