Thursday, December 31, 2009

Webcomic #013d: Count


Ten!  Nine!  Eight!  Seven!  Six!

"That's Numberwang!" exclaims Justine the Last Human-Human on Earth.




Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Webcomic #013c: Story


"It ends tonight, Vampire Lord!" exclaims the Silver Werewolf, in the shadow of the clock tower that houses the Big Ben bell.

"I suppose you want a fair fight," sighs the Vampire Lord, transforming into an equally anthropomorphic wolf.  "Hadouken!" he shouts, throwing the first punch.

"Sonic Boom!" declares Silver, with a punch to the vampire's throat.  With the upper hand, the werewolf (appropriately) goes for the vampire's jugular.

"Help me, Justine..." begs the bleeding vampire.

"I don't think so," she says at first.  Then she remembers what Deus ex Webcomica told her last week, in 1912:  You must sacrifice your friends and yourself.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Webcomic #013b: Italian


"It seems like the Universe doesn't want me to learn Italian," hypothesizes the Silver Werewolf.

"That is ridiculous," scoffs the Vampire Lord.

"My order for a discounted Pimsleur course was canceled due to it being out of stock."

"Pay full price, you cheapskate!" admonishes the vampire, now in werewolf form.

"I bought a multilingual pronunciation guide, and the Italian pages are missing!"

"Weird," the vampire wolf admits.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Webcomic #013a: Chocula


"I recently saw that Van Helsing movie from 2004," the Silver Werewolf says to his opponent, the Vampire Lord.

"That movie flattered neither werewolves nor vampires," the Vampire Lord replies, removing his clothes before transforming into a vampire wolf.  "Their Dracula looked like Count Chocula.  Blah."

"I liked that werewolves could kill Dracula," the werewolf says, punching the vampire in the throat.

"That is not going to happen," the vampire promises.  After the wolf's attempt to drain the vampire of blood fails, the Vampire Lord affirms his claim:  "See?"

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Sneak Peek Sunday: Webcomic #013


This week is apparently the cliffhanger season finale of the Webcomic.  We'll probably repeat these past 13 sequences for the time being, with different speech bubbles, until we figure out what happens next.  Seriously, how can we top the following twists:  Justine shoots her werewolf boyfriend; the Vampire Lord drains the Last Human-Human on Earth's blood; the Vampire Lord turns human?  (We have some idea...)

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Final 32 Words in θəwəməθy (DeRamosh), a #NewLanguage

We're using the Swadesh list to come up with the first 207 words or so in DeRamosh.  Before we start, here are the letters of this new language's alphabet:  ə θ w y m (þ k).

ə = All vowels are schwas.
θ = th sound.
w = w sound.
y = consonant-y sound.
m = m sound.

þ = Plosives are used for words of disgust; spit.
k =  Hard consonants might be used for words of anger.  ???

Without further ado, the final 32 words:

  1. black = θəywəw /thoy-woh/
  2. night = məyθ /moyth/
  3. day = θəy /thoy/
  4. year = əmməəw /uhm-muh-oh/
  5. warm = wəywəwm /woy-wohm/
  6. cold = wəyθəm /woy-thuhm/
  7. full = wəwwəəw /woh-wuhth/
  8. new = məwəw /moh-oh/
  9. old = əyəθ /oy-uhth/
  10. good = yəəθ /yuh-uhth/
  11. bad = əwəw /uh-woh/
  12. rotten = wəθθəm /wuh-thuhm/
  13. dirty = θəwθəy /thoh-thoy/
  14. straight = θwəyθ /thwoyth/
  15. round = wəymθ /woymth/
  16. sharp = θəwəw /thoh-oh/
  17. dull = θəwəy /thoh-oy/
  18. smooth = θməyθ /thmoyth/
  19. wet = məyθ /moyth/
  20. dry = θwəy /thwoy/
  21. correct = yəwwəyθ /yoh-woyth/
  22. near = məəw /muh-oh/
  23. far = θəθθəmθ /thuhth-thuhmth/
  24. right = θəθθəw /thuhth-thoh/
  25. left = θəməθθəw /thuh-muhth-thoh/
  26. at = θəwθəw /thoh-thoh/
  27. in = əmθəθ /uhm-thuhth/
  28. with = əmwəθəw /uhm-wuh-thoh/
  29. and = əy /oy/
  30. if = əwθəm /oh-thuhm/
  31. because = wəwθəm /woh-thuhm/
  32. name = məməm /muh-muhm/

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas!


Merry Christmas, among other winter holidays, from the DeRamos.org Webcomic and our assorted variety of vampires, werewolves, zombies, reptilian humanoids, and human-humans - and other freaks and ghouls.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Webcomic #012d: Winter Holidays


"Virtually all of these December holidays deal with good triumphing over evil, light conquering darkness, and the warmth of the sun fighting back the cold of winter," Justine casually observes.

"Do you really want to compare religious observances with a priest?  Similar rebirth deities and their birthdays?  Humanity's will to survive during the Northern Hemisphere's cold winter?" the reptilian humanoid replies, appearing (but not really) offended.

"Not really," she says, fading away into the cosmos.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Webcomic #012c: Fast Food Tacos


"Fast food tacos are the ultimate road trip food," declares the Last Human-Human on Earth to her priestly reptilian humanoid companion.

"What about cheeseburgers?" he asks.

"No, hamburger patties are no good when they are no longer warm," she replies, fading away from 2009.

"Taco meat is good at whatever temperature," Justine says near the Triangulum Galaxy.  "That's what she said," she tells herself.

At a dining room aboard the Titanic, Justine asks a server, "Do you 1912 people serve some fast food tacos?"

Taco! shoots her magical shotgun.  No one is freaked out about a shooting, talking gun.  Hmm...

Unaware of the existence of both fast food and tacos, the server replies, "No, and we've just hit an iceberg!"

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Webcomic #012b: Party Time!


Teleporting from a South Carolina beach, floating in multiplicity in deep space, winding up in 1912, surviving the Titanic, and washing up on the aforementioned beach in 2009 can only mean one thing:  "Damn, that was a kick ass party."

Monday, December 21, 2009

Webcomic #012a: LibriVox-mas Music!


"You absolutely have to download Christmas Carol Collection 2009 from LibriVox!" declares the reptilian humanoid, who happens to also be a priest.  Or is that the other way around?

"I'll do so right away!" excitedly responds Justine.  Unfortunately, she starts to glow, then fade away.  "I guess not," she laments.

Transcending the cosmos, Justine asks out loud:  "Where am I?"

She appears in a different time and place.  "Or is it, when am I?"

"When?  1912," I respond, being the Deus ex Webcomica of this pocket universe.  "Where?  The RMS Titanic."  The ship hits an iceberg, and the rest is history.  "By the way, stereo versions of my Christmas carols are available at deramosmusic.com!" I inform Justine, who's floating in the cold ocean.

"There are no MP3s in 1912!" she reminds me.  Very well, I'll have to send her back to 2009.

In warmer waters, in the present, the Last Human-Human on Earth says, "Now I can start downloading!"

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Sneak Peek Sunday: Webcomic #012


I'm not sure what's going on here, but our fearless heroine either transcends space-time, experiences a theophany, or jumps backward into the Atlantic Ocean while high. Or all of the above.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Another 25 Words in θəwəməθy (DeRamosh), a #NewLanguage

We're using the Swadesh list to come up with the first 207 words or so in DeRamosh.  Before we start, here are the letters of this new language's alphabet:  ə θ w y m (þ k).

ə = All vowels are schwas.
θ = th sound.
w = w sound.
y = consonant-y sound.
m = m sound.

þ = Plosives are used for words of disgust; spit.
k =  Hard consonants might be used for words of anger.  ???

Without further ado, the next 25 words:

  1. rain = wəəm /wuh-uhm/
  2. river = wəwəw /wuh-woh/
  3. lake = wəyə /wuh-yuh/
  4. sea = məw /moh/
  5. salt = θəwθəəm /thohth-uh-uhm/
  6. stone = yəθθəwθ /yuhth-thohth/
  7. sand = θəmθ /thuhmth/
  8. dust = θəθə /thuhth-uh/
  9. earth = əwθ /ohth/
  10. cloud = məmwəθ /muhm-wuhth/
  11. fog = wəy /woy/
  12. sky = θəy /thoy/
  13. wind = wəmθ /wuhmth/
  14. snow = θməw /thmoh/
  15. ice = əθ /uhth/
  16. smoke = θməθ /thmuhth/
  17. fire = wəwəw /woh-oh/
  18. ashes = əθəθ /uhth-uhth/
  19. burn = məwθ /mohth/
  20. road = wəwθ /wohth/
  21. mountain = məwmθəm /mohm-thuhm/
  22. red = wəyəθ /woy-uhth/
  23. green = yəwəəm /yoh-uh-uhm/
  24. yellow = yəwəw /yuh-woh/
  25. white = wəyθ /woyth/

Friday, December 18, 2009

Webcomic #011e: Jingle Bells?


"Did you know that 'Jingle Bells' was copyrighted as 'The One Horse Open Sleigh'?" asks Justine.  She's really not asking a question, but showing off her Wikipedia skillz.

"Aye, that filthy number," replies the priest, who happens to be a reptilian humanoid.

"How is 'Jingle Bells' dirty?"

"You must go beyond the first verse," he advises, formulating his conspiracy theory.
"Dashing thro’ the snow,
In a one-horse open sleigh,
O’er the hills we go,
Laughing all the way;
Bells on bob tail ring,
Making spirits bright,
Oh what sport to ride and sing
A sleighing song to night.
"Verse two:  Reckless driving."
A day or two ago,
I thought I’d take a ride,
And soon Miss Fannie Bright
Was seated by my side,
The horse was lean and lank;
Misfortune seemed his lot,
He got into a drifted bank,
And we, we got upsot.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Webcomic #011d: Light My Candles in a Daze


After escaping the vampires in the Los Angeles area amphitheatre, Justine and the priestly reptile drive to the state line between California and Nevada.  "The shot pierced her heart.  Bullets don't harm the Vampire Lady," expresses the vexed woman.

The reptilian humanoid ponders the problem.  He soon comes up with a solution:  "We need to find the Creator."  He continues his declaration of faith:  "He'll know what to do."

They make their way to Chicago, but Justine doubts the reptile of faith's plan.  "This is not possible.  They haven't done this on Supernatural yet, either."

The reptile asks the bystanders if they think his plan is possible.  "Do you think this is possible, ladies?"

The female werewolves, in daylight-human form, reply:  "It's possible."

In Canada, Justine wants the reptile to clarify his plan and their road trip.  "You're telling me that we have to find God."

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Webcomic #011c: Southern Hemisphere Holiday Season?


"You know who gets a raw deal during the December holidays?" Justine asks her priest companion, who happens to be a reptilian humanoid.

"Non-religious, anti-consumerists?" answers the padre.

"Perhaps, but really everyone who lives south of the Equator."

"Okay..."

"Winter this, winter that. It's summer over there, you know."

"Technically, it's still springtime."  If it's still autumn in the North, then well...

"But who's dashing through the snow?" sympathetically asks the Last Human-Human.

Holding a hardcover copy of Wikipedia, the reptile guesses, "Mountain people, extreme south people..."

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Webcomic #011b: Pocket Universes?


In Primm, Nevada, Justine starts a conversation with her reptilian humanoid companion (who happens to be a priest):  "Sometimes I think about pocket universes."  It is mostly a one-sided conversation, as she continues her out-loud wondering in Chicago:  "Is a black hole a gateway to a pocket universe?"

Their long road trip reaches the province of Ontario.  "Is our own universe another universe's black hole?"  The reptile and the human find their to a New York City subway station.  "When I dream, do I make my own pocket universe?"

At a South Carolina beach, the reptilian humanoid finally replies.  "I believe that if you create it, it becomes," he muses zen-like, strangely holding a printed-and-bound BLOG.

"Ooh...reflexive," Justine observes.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Webcomic #011a: On 'The Road' Again


"Did you see the film adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's The Road?" the reptilian humanoid padre asks the Last Human-Human on Earth.  (For reference, Justine isn't the last human on earth.  All other humans turn into werewolves during the night of a full moon.  And then there are zombies and vampires.  And now we have reptilian humanoids.)

"No," Justine replies.

"Have you read the book?"

"No."

Holding his copy of The Road, the reptile offers: "Do you want to read my copy?"

"Maybe next time."

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Sneak Peek Sunday: Webcomic #011


Justine the Last Human-Human on Earth and the Reptilian Humanoid priest go on a road trip across North America! We'll have to think of a good name for the good reptile - Father...???

Saturday, December 12, 2009

25 More Words in θəwəməθy (DeRamosh), a #NewLanguage

We're using the Swadesh list to come up with the first 207 words or so in DeRamosh.  Before we start, here are the letters of this new language's alphabet:  ə θ w y m (þ k).

ə = All vowels are schwas.
θ = th sound.
w = w sound.
y = consonant-y sound.
m = m sound.

þ = Plosives are used for words of disgust; spit.
k =  Hard consonants might be used for words of anger.  ???

Without further ado, the next 25 words:

  1. turn = θəwm /thohm/
  2. fall = wəww /woh/
  3. give = yəwə /yoh-wuh/
  4. hold = yəwθ /yohth/
  5. squeeze = θwəəθə /thwuh-uh-thuh/
  6. rub = wəθyəm /wuhth-yuhm/
  7. wash = wəθyə /wuhth-yuh/
  8. wipe = wəwəəm /wuh-wuh-uhm/
  9. pull = wəww /woh/
  10. push = wəθθ /wuhth/
  11. throw = θwəw /thwoh/
  12. tie = θəə /thuh-uh/
  13. sew = θəw /thoh/
  14. count = məməwwəθ /muh-moh-wuhth/
  15. say = wəθəwəθ /wuh-thoh-uhth/
  16. sing = θəmyə /thuhm-yuh/
  17. play = wəwəyə /wuh-wuh-yuh/
  18. float = wəwəəθ /wuh-wuh-uhth/
  19. flow = wəwəw /wuh-woh/
  20. freeze = wəwəəθə /wuh-wuh-uh-thuh/
  21. swell = θwəww /thwoh/
  22. sun = θəwm /thohm/
  23. moon = wəmə /wuh-muh/
  24. star = θəwwəw /thoh-woh/
  25. water = wəθəw /wuh-thoh/

Friday, December 11, 2009

Webcomic #010e: Christmas Music


KA-BOOM! exclaims the Magical Shotgun, anticipating victory over the Vampire Lady.  Nothin'.

During the course of the battle between the Last Human and the vampiress, the Vampire Lord enters with some personal news:  "I shall learn some Christmas songs."

"No one cares, my lord," states the Vampire Lady.

"I think that's great!" replies Justine, who's about to have her blood drained.

"Kiss ass!"

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Webcomic #010d: Spoilers ex Webcomica?


Deus ex Webcomica speaks the mangled slang of the land:

"The Vampire Lady, like, totally got shot through the heart!" he/she/it exclaims, as Justine and her Shotgun shoot the vampiress.

She heals.  "No freakin' way!  She healed!  What's up with that?"   Some mysteries are better left unsolved, perhaps.

The Vampire Lady turns into a bat demon.  "Oh, snap!  She turned into a bat!"

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Webcomic #010c: Christmas Shopping


SPEND! shoots the magically capitalistic, speaking shotgun.

"I totally got my Christmas shopping done today," informs the Vampire Lady.

Smart.

"And I made sure I got free shipping!  It's early enough in December to receive my packages on time."  That's great.

"Maybe I should have spent the extra money to have the items gift wrapped."  No, I think you can do a lot better with your money than spend about $4 per item on nondescript wrapping paper.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Webcomic #010b: How to Be Your Own Ancestor


Weird! warns the magically-talking shotgun.

"If I were to build a time machine, I'd like to be my own ancestor," muses the Last Human-Human on Earth.

"What?" asks a puzzled Vampire Lady.

Seriously.

"I don't mean that I would replace my mom or grandmother or great-grandmother," clarifies Justine.  "That would be creepy."

This does not persuade the vampiress.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Webcomic #010a: You Guessed It: Reptilian Humanoids!



Blast! is the sound of a magical shotgun firing into the chest of a Vampire Lady.  Blood scatters.  It is over.

On second thought, the would-be fatal wound heals instantaneously, leaving an unsightly (or sightly, if these people were real...) hole in the Vampire Lady's clothes.

"You ruined a perfectly good nightgown," complains the Vampire Lady to her nemesis Justine.

The Last Human-Human on Earth aims to fire again.  This time, it will count.  Click, click.  "Damn.  Out of ammo!"

The Vampire Lady bursts out of her tattered dress and transforms into a Bat Demon!  "Ha, ha!" she laughs evilly.

"Is there no limit to your naked monster forms?" sarcastically asks Justine to her foe.

"I have plenty," replies the Vampire Lady.  Hand-to-wing combat ensues.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Sneak Peek Sunday: Webcomic #010


I'm fairly certain that this is our most action-packed comic yet!  Also, for the second week in a row, the Vampire Lady can't seem to keep her (already rather sheer) clothes on.  Who draws this tripe?  We introduce a new character:  A vampire-repelling, reptilian humanoid priest!  Only in Los Angeles (where this sequence takes place)...

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Next 25 Words of θəwəməθy (DeRamosh), a #NewLanguage

We're using the Swadesh list to come up with the first 207 words or so in DeRamosh.  Before we start, here are the letters of this new language's alphabet:  ə θ w y m (þ k).

ə = All vowels are schwas.
θ = th sound.
w = w sound.
y = consonant-y sound.
m = m sound.

þ = Plosives are used for words of disgust; spit.
k =  Hard consonants might be used for words of anger.  ???

Without further ado, the next 25 words:

  1. see = wəθyəw /wuhth-yoh/
  2. hear = əθyəw /uhth-yoh/
  3. know = θəyəw /thuh-yoh/
  4. think = θəyəθ /thuh-yuhth/
  5. smell = əwwəwəθwə /oh-wuh-wuhth-wuh/
  6. fear = θəməw /thuhm-oh/
  7. sleep = θəmməθ /thuhm-mohth/
  8. live = wəwə /wuh-wuh/
  9. die = məwθəw /moh-thoh/
  10. kill = kəww /koh/
  11. fight = wəwyəθ /woh-yuhth/
  12. hunt = θəwθ /thohth/
  13. hit = yəθ /yuhth/
  14. cut = θwəθə /thwuh-thuh/
  15. split = θəwəθ /thuh-wuhth/
  16. stab = θəwə /thoh-uh/
  17. scratch = θwəθyə /thwuhth-yuh/
  18. dig = θəyəə /thuh-yuh-uh/
  19. swim = θwəm /thwuhm/
  20. fly (v.) = wəwəyə /wuh-wuh-yuh/
  21. walk = yəyə /yuh-yuh/
  22. come = əwwəθyə /oh-wuhth-yuh/
  23. lie = wəə /wuh-uh/
  24. sit = wəθθ /wuhth/
  25. stand = θəmθ /thuhmth/

Friday, December 4, 2009

Webcomic #009e: Romantic Comedies?


Speaking to her audience of captive werewolves, an unclothed Vampire Lady formulates her hypothesis: "You don't see young actors in romantic comedies these days. They're all busy being emo vampires in the movies and on TV."  It has been established that gruesome ghouls of this sarcastic webcomic are not fans of the sparkly kind.

Transforming into a vampire wolf, she attacks the brown-furred wolf, saying, "The 20- and 30-something stars of 1990's rom-coms are still around." Turning her attention to the ash-furred wolf, she continues: "But instead of young people rom-coms, they're now starring in 40-something rom-coms."

The orange-furred wolf begs for his life, when she makes another observation. "They're the same thing, except with divorced single people, not unmarried single people."

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Webcomic #009d: Tips for Tiger Woods


Upon hearing more details concerning the circumstances of golf superstar Tiger Woods' car crash, Red Wolf begins his rant:

"They sell prepaid cell phones for a reason, Tiger Woods!

"You don't have to keep your alleged mistress on speed dial, Tiger Woods!

"You don't leave recorded messages if you don't want them disclosed publicly at a later date, Tiger Woods!"

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Webcomic #009c: Resist Temptation!


"We found the Vampire Lady!"  With that, the dangerous quest inside an active volcano is over.  Or is it?

"Good!" exclaims Justine the Last Human-Human on Earth.  "Whatever you do, resist temptation!"

"She's not wearing any clothes!"  Uh-oh.

"Would you like a free $100 gift certificate?" asks the Vampire Lady to the trio of varied-furred werewolves.

"Okay."

"How about a plate of pastrami sandwiches?"

"What were we supposed to do again?"

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Webcomic #009b: Malware?


"Hey, guys, let's go on Twitter!" invites Silver Wolf to his friends Dishwater, Red, and Pepper.

"I'm downloading a file!" replies Pepper.  It's probably porn.

An unclothed Vampire Lady has been downloaded.  See?  Porn.

"Awesome! I must forward you to my friends!"

Monday, November 30, 2009

Webcomic #009a: Help Wanted?


With the light of the full moon, the hunt begins.  Justine and her band of werewolf heroes have gathered inside the Kīlauea volcano, to do battle with the increasingly powerful Vampire Lady.   Where could she be?

"Justine and I will look here," says Silver Wolf, splitting up the band.

Not surprised, Red Wolf apathetically answers, "Whatever, dude."

Lamenting the fact that Silver likes spending more time with the Last Human-Human on Earth than his werewolf bros, Dishwater-Blond Wolf says, "Silver is no longer fun."

"I hear that!" exclaims Red.

"I need some...help," states a nude female sitting on lava rocks.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Sneak Peek Sunday: Webcomic #009


Remember, if it's too good to be true, it probably is.  This is especially true if you ever find an unclothed Vampire Lady inside the Kīlauea volcano.  She'll probably turn into a wolf and whoop your ass.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Another 25 Words in θəwəməθy (DeRamosh), a #NewLanguage

We're using the Swadesh list to come up with the first 207 words or so in DeRamosh.  Before we start, here are the letters of this new language's alphabet:  ə θ w y m (þ k).

ə = All vowels are schwas.
θ = th sound.
w = w sound.
y = consonant-y sound.
m = m sound.

þ = Plosives are rarely used (only for curse words); spit.
Hard consonants, like k, are currently in limbo.

Without further ado, the next 25 words:

  1. mouth = məwəθ /moh-uhth/
  2. tooth = θəwəθ /thoh-uhth/
  3. tongue = θəmyə /thuhm-yuh/
  4. fingernail = wəmyəwməw /wuhm-yoh-moh/
  5. foot = wəəθ /wuh-uhth/
  6. leg = wəyəθ /wuh-yuhth/
  7. knee = yəməə /yuh-muh-uh/
  8. hand = yəmθ /yuhmth/
  9. wing = wəmyəθ /wuhm-yuhth/
  10. belly = wəmə /wuhm-uh/
  11. guts = yəθ /yuhth/
  12. neck = θwəθ /thwuhth/
  13. back = wəθəwəəw /wuh-thoh-uh-oh/
  14. breast = θwəəθ /thwuh-uhth/
  15. heart = yəəwθ /yuh-ohth/
  16. liver = wəwəw /wuh-woh/
  17. drink = θwəm /thwuhm/
  18. eat = əəθ /uh-uhth/
  19. bite = θəwəθəw /thoh-uhth-oh/
  20. suck = θəwəm /thuh-wuhm/
  21. spit = þə /buh/ or /puh/
  22. vomit = wəməθ /wuh-muhth/
  23. blow = yəθəw /yuh-thoh/
  24. breathe = əmyəw /uhm-yoh/
  25. laugh = wəw /woh/

Friday, November 27, 2009

Webcomic #008d: Black Friday


"It has been a long day," sighs the Vampire Lord, in Krampus form.

"Oo," agrees the multilingual Deus ex Webcomica.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!


Little-known fact:  Mayflower is the prequel to the Twilight books and movies.  However, instead of sparkling skin, there was smallpox.  Part of the aforementioned is true.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Webcomic #008c: Thanksgiving Do's and Don't's


"This Thanksgiving, remember to fully cook your turkey. Don't serve it frozen," reminds an oddly domestic Vampire Lady, on this day before Thanksgiving.   To illustrate, the Vampire Lord wears blue.

"Do have pumpkin pie for dessert," she continues.  To illustrate, he wears brown and orange.

"Do drink wine.  Do drink responsibly," she encourages and advises.   To illustrate, he dresses like the Joker.

"Don't overeat," the Vampire Lady warns.  "If you overeat, you will be punished by this visiting Krampus demon."

"I'm on vacation!" exclaims Krampus.

With that, I propose a new Thanksgiving tradition:  Punish the gluttons!  Who am I kidding?  I'm going to overeat, too.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Webcomic #008b: Vampire Lessons


"Now I shall school you in the ways of the Nosferatu," declares the veteran Vampire Lord to virtually newborn Vampire Lady.   "Remember to own lots of clothes.  Autumn colors.  Supervillain colors," he continues, showing his undead student his multicolored wardrobe.  "Also, you can shape shift into almost any monster," he says, turning into a furry thing.  "Any questions?"

"Can I sparkle?" the Vampire Lady asks, referring to a certain other kind of humanoid vampire.

"Never.  To sparkle is forbidden," he warns.  "Blah."

Monday, November 23, 2009

Webcomic #008a: Wardrobe Malfunction


"You're not going out dressed like that, are you?" asks the Vampire Lady to the Vampire Lord.

Baffled by this criticism, the Vampire Lord answers, "What is wrong with what I wear?  My vest matches my shoes.  Blah."

"Team Edward..." she says, trying to kindle the fire of jealousy from her old school vampire companion.

"Okay, I shall change."

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Sneak Peek Sunday: Webcomic #008


This week, the Vampire Lord is dealing with some identity issues.  He'll likely blame the success of the New Moon movie.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

25 More Words in θəwəməθy (DeRamosh), a #NewLanguage

We're using the Swadesh list to come up with the first 207 words or so in DeRamosh.  Before we start, here are the letters of this new language's alphabet:  ə θ w y m (þ k).

ə = All vowels are schwas.
θ = th sound.
w = w sound.
y = consonant-y sound.
m = m sound.

þ = Plosives are rarely used (only for curse words); spit.
Hard consonants, like k, are currently in limbo.

Without further ado, the next 25 words:

  1. tree = θwəə /thwuh-uh/
  2. forest = wəwəθ /woh-uhth/
  3. stick = θəθθ /thuhth/
  4. fruit = wəwəəθ /wuh-wuh-uhth/
  5. seed = θəəθ /thuh-uhth/
  6. leaf = wəəw /wuh-oh/
  7. root = wəəθ /wuh-uhth/
  8. bark = wəwθ /wohth/
  9. flower = wəwəwəw /woh-oh-oh/ or /wuh-wuh-woh/
  10. grass = yəwəθ /yuh-wuhth/
  11. rope = wəwə /woh-uh/
  12. skin = θəθəm /thuh-thuhm/
  13. meat = məəθ /muh-uhth/
  14. blood = θəmyəm /thuhm-yuhm/
  15. bone = əθəə /uhth-uh-uh/
  16. fat (n.) = wəθ /wuhth/
  17. egg = əwwəm /oh-wuhm/
  18. horn = yəwm /yohm/
  19. tail = θəəw /thuh-oh/
  20. feather = wəθəw /wuh-thoh/
  21. hair = yəəw /yuh-oh/
  22. head = yəθ /yuhth/
  23. ear = əəw /uh-oh/
  24. eye = əyə /uh-yuh/
  25. nose = məθə /muh-thuh/

Friday, November 20, 2009

Webcomic #007e: Book Review: 'Dracula The Un-Dead' by Dacre Stoker and Ian Holt


"Have you finished listening to the audiobook of Dacre Stoker and Ian Holt's Dracula The Undead?" Justine asks the Vampire Lord.

"Blah," he affirms.  "It was interesting at first, but it jumped the shark about halfway through"  The Vampire Lord tries to mix thoughtfulness with snarkiness in his review (possible spoilers ahead!):

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Webcomic #007d: Waiting for 2010


"The Holidays are upon us," Justine states (the obvious).  "Thanksgiving is next week."  (In the United States, that is.)

"Do not remind me," warns a sad Vampire Lord.  "The shows I watch are going on winter hiatus.  Blah," he complains.  "Tonight's episode of 'Supernatural' is the last one until January," he continues to sulk.  "I do not know what to do for the next two months."

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Webcomic #007c: Spell Check


"Did you see the boxing match between Manny Brainnn... and Miguel Brainnn...???" asks the tall zombie, in the midst of their thrashing by the Last Human-Human on Earth.

"It was a good brainnn...!!!" comments the hospital/bridesmaid gown zombie.

"It looks like we've been through 11 1/3 brainnn...!!!" observes an equally bloodied zombie, appropriately wearing boxer shorts.  If you remember, the referee stopped the fight 55 seconds into the 12th round, making the fight last 11 and approximately one-third rounds.

Elsewhere, Justine resigns, "We won't get to speak much tonight."

"Blah," sighs the Vampire Lord.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Webcomic #007b: Dusk / Dawn


After cleaning house with her magical shotgun (and her 1337 skillz), Justine the Last Human-Human on Earth poses a question:  "What's up with this Twilight craze?"

"This conversation is eerily appropriate.  Blah," observes a semi-omni-present Vampire Lord.

Justine further questions the bizarreness of pop culture:  "What's up with people lining up days in advance to watch the film?  Isn't that just for Star Wars nerds?"

The flame-haired zombie chimes in, "Instead of geeky-looking fan-brainnn...," as her ghoulish metamorphosis begins.  She continues, "These lines are full of regular-looking fangirls."  (Okay, there are likely geeky-lookin' fanboys too.)

Monday, November 16, 2009

Webcomic #007a: Makeover


Justine the Last Human-Human on Earth and her Magical Talking Shotgun are cleaning house!  They're wiping the floor with zombie goo.  They're handing the asses of their foes back to them.

"Kick ass!!!" exclaims the shotgun.

"I realize that zombies are useless against you," admits a nearly-defeated Vampire Lord.  Finally, a big bad sees the problem that is the Stormtrooper Effect (look it up!). "Prepare yourself for..."

"Extreme," he says, finding the sole surviving zombie.  "Ghoul," the vampire says while producing a spell on the female zombie.  She's cleaning up nicely thus far.  "Makeover," and with that, the redhead zombie is now a redhead vampire.

This newly-created Vampire Lady replaces her lust for brainnn... with a simple stereotypical, "Blah."  She approaches Justine.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Sneak Peek Sunday: Webcomic #007


I like these "Sneak Peek" issues more than the weekday ones with dialogue bubbles.  It's fun to imagine what these illustrated characters say during all this action.  Appropriately enough, that's what I do before typing out the weekday edition of this webcomic, with all the random chit-chat and blog topics.  One day, I would like to see the readers fill in the blanks for these comics, and read what they think is going on here (and there).

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Next 25 Words of θəwəməθy (DeRamosh), a #NewLanguage

We're using the Swadesh list to come up with the first 207 words or so in DeRamosh.  Before we start, here are the letters of this new language's alphabet:  ə þ θ w y m.

ə = All vowels are schwas.
þ = Plosives are rarely used (only for curse words); spit.
θ = th sound.
w = w sound.
y = consonant-y sound.
m = m sound.
No hard consonants, like k.

Without further ado, the next 25 words:

  1. five = θəwwə /thoh-wuh/
  2. big = wəwyə /woh-yuh/
  3. long = wəmyə /wuhm-yuh/
  4. wide = wəθə /wuhth-uh/
  5. thick = θəθə /thuh-thuh/
  6. heavy = yəwəyə /yuh-wuh-yuh/
  7. small = θəww /thoh/
  8. short = θəyəwθ /thuh-yohth/
  9. narrow = məwwəw /moh-woh/
  10. thin = θəm /thuhm/
  11. woman = wəməm /wuh-muhm/
  12. man (adult male) = yəθməm /yuhth-muhm/
  13. Man (human being) = yəməm /yuh-muhm/
  14. child = θəwθməm /thohth-muhm/
  15. wife = wəθ /wuhth/
  16. husband = yəθwəmθ /yuhth-wuhmth/
  17. mother = məθəw /muhth-oh/
  18. father = θəθəw /thuhth-oh/
  19. animal = əməməw /uhm-uhm-oh/
  20. fish = θəθəθ /thuh-thuth/
  21. bird = əwəəm /uh-wuh-uhm/
  22. dog = θəməm /thuh-muhm/
  23. louse = wəwθ /wohth/
  24. snake = θəwθəmθ /thoh-thumth/
  25. worm = wəwm /wohm/

Friday, November 13, 2009

Webcomic #006e: TV?


"Did you watch the latest episode of Brainnn...???" the zombie groom asks his best zombie.

"I haven't watched TV in such a long brainnn...!!!" laments the shirtless (and pants-less, technically) zombie.

Elsewhere, the Last Human-Human on Earth makes an observation:  "What we're wearing reminds me of the prisoners who danced to "Thriller" on YouTube."

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Webcomic #006d: Dracula Sequel?


"There is an 'official' sequel to Brainnn...by a relative of Bram Brainnn...!!!" announces the zombie in an orange nightshirt.

"That is horrible.  Blah.  Just because you have the last name Stoker...  Blah," protests an angry Vampire Lord.

"You're reading the brainnn...right now, aren't you, my Brainnn...???" inquires the clever zombie.

"No, I am not," denies the vampire.  "Do not be silly," he admonishes his servant.  "I am listening to the audiobook."

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Webcomic #006c: Is 'Up' a Downer?


"I must advise you of this before we continue the ceremony," the officiating Vampire Lord warns the zombie bride and groom.  "Your marriage will end up like Carl and Ellie from the movie Up.  Blah."

"Spoilers ahead!" warns Justine the Last Human-Human on Earth, in yet another insignificant cameo appearance.  Maybe she'll have more things to say next week.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Webcomic #006b: Aerosmith?



"Did you hear the brainnn...???" asks the zombie bride.  "Steven Brainnn... of Aero-brainnn... has left the brainnn...!!!"

"It seems like he is on course for a yearlong stint at Caesar's Palace:  'Steven Tyler Sings Diane Warren.'  Blah," sardonically replies a priestly Vampire Lord.

"This is my cameo appearance," says Justine the Last Human-Human.  She's really not important for this particular sequence of illustrations.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Webcomic #006a: Zombie Wedding!


"Dearly be-blah.  We are gathered here to-blah.  In the blah-dee-blah.  To join together Blah and Blah. In Unholy Blah," declares the officiating Vampire Lord.  Blah.

Why am I a brides-brainnn...??? wonders a male hospital gown zombie.  More amazing is the fact that this zombie can think quietly!

"Where's your brainn...???" asks the zombie groomsman to the best zombie (in boxer shorts).

"I'm wearing a bow-brainnn...!!!" the best zombie reasons.

"I'm not a fan of these bridesmaid dresses," says the ever-so-sneaky Justine, posing as a zombie bridesmaid in an orange dress.

She's speaking to her talking shotgun, who replies with the obvious:  "ORANGE!"  The shotgun also shoots one of the zombie bridesmaids.