Thursday, September 4, 2008

RNC Oilers in Straw Hats Shout "Drill, Baby, Drill!" Like Straw Men

If I'm not mistaken, last week the DNC said, "Democrats want America free from foreign oil; Republicans want to continue Bush's failed energy policies."

This week, the RNC said, "Republicans want America free from foreign oil; Democrats want to do nothing."

Last week, the DNC: "We'll help the economy by cutting taxes for the middle class and small businesses; they'll hurt the economy by favoring the wealthy and larger businesses with Bush's tax breaks."

This week, the RNC: "We'll help the economy by cutting taxes for families and businesses; they'll hurt the economy by higher taxes for everyone."

The DNC: "McCain is wrong."

The RNC: "Obama is wrong."

Is it just me, or are both major parties playing the Mad Libs of spin and creating straw men of their opponents? The major parties are essentially treating the voters like we're idiots, with all their convention hype. Maybe they'll respect us more during the debates and speak of differing plans, issues, and not hype.

So right before McCain and Palin accept their nominations, here's my analysis of the shindig thus far:

The Good: Rudy Giuliani's speech made him look like a capital-A jAckhole. Or was that jerkwAd? Yes, that was a good thing, as Rudy's "bad cop" routine made Sarah Palin's "good cop" speech work quite well. I can't wait for the Vice Presidential debate(s).

However, we have yet to hear about Palin's intent on social issues. She sounded all right in her speech, but she didn't cover whether or not she would use the executive branch to (inappropriately) legislate morality. I'm sure the Hillary voters that the GOP is trying to woo would want to hear her social politics. If she's a social conservative in her home but not when it comes to serving a spectrum of Americans, then she may be viable. Unfortunately, I have the feeling to the contrary...

The Bad:


"Drill, baby, drill!"*


I've used the above video to show how the RNC have made straw men of themselves in addition to making straw men of Obama, Biden, and the Democratic party. I actually prefer T. Boone Pickens' wind/natural gas** strategy, even if it makes him more money, as long as it saves money for many Americans as soon as possible. "Drill, baby, drill!" gives the wrong sort of urgency for results to be seen in 2028. By 2028, I hope we would be free from most petroleum. Delegates in straw cowboy hats shouting, "Drill, baby, drill!" makes them stereotypical Republican straw men. They're wearing their stock portfolios on their sleeve. That is not the message they want to give swing voters, many of whom cannot afford to buy some shares in Exxon-Mobil, when they're already buying Exxon-Mobil by the gallon.

By the way, that community organizer they mock knows his way around The Constitution. Eight years of the Bush Administration kind of forgot the "C" word. (Not that word...) McCain 2000 (the previous build and model) probably remembers The Constitution (and the other C word, too). The alternative conservative/libertarian convention down the street (Ron Paul's party) remembers The Constitution. Does the current GOP, which strategically temporarily distanced itself from Dubya & Co., remember The Constitution?

If it's any indication of the party as a whole, Willard Mitt Romney apparently doesn't like The Constitution: "Is a Supreme Court decision liberal or conservative that awards Guantanamo terrorists with constitution rights? It’s liberal!" Um, no, Mitts - I'm thinking you want the total removal of habeas corpus so you can finally stop the X-men as soon as possible! (I don't remember if I mentioned it here before, but Romney's plastic persona reminds me of a comic book politician with a vendetta against superhero mutants. I don't know exactly why; it just does.)

And the paranoia over the "left-wing media"? Get over it! Modern media is favorable to fiscal conservatism, fiscal liberalism, social liberalism, and moderate views, in varying degrees of contradiction. Well, it's usually not favorable to some socially conservative issues (pseudoscience, racialism, and legislating morality), so the straw men I've created in the parentheses have every right to hate the MSM/left-wing/liberal media. If you're not a straw man, get over it!

The following FOX News pundits are indeed straw men incarnate:



Thanks to Jon Stewart and The Daily Show staff for consolidating various recent blog posts and transmitting this information to the masses via cable broadcast and streaming video.

*Yes, many of you will feel the opposite, that the above Lord of the Rings video satirizes last week's DNC. It's great to have an opinion, isn't it?

**LOL for the unintentional pun. I pat myself on the back sometimes for unintentional comedic gold, and to release some wind/natural gas (ironically enough).

The Ugly: During Joe Lieberman's speech on Tuesday, there was this guy in the audience loudly moaning almost orgasmically: "Yes, yes, yes..." It could have been a disturbing distraction, but I realized that the audience member is actually Eric Cartman at the RNC, saying "Yes," while drinking the sweet tears of Scott Tenorman.



It's good to know Eric Cartman is going places.

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