Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Do I Like "Stuff White People Like"?

As a member of an American minority group (what if all the minorities united as an ad hoc majority?), I have to say that the satirical (or not?) blog Stuff White People Like has entertained me for the past several months. So yes, I do like the blog Stuff White People Like, but the pun implies an alternate question: Of the 101 things currently listed on that blog - which describe stereotypical white-collar, blue state, "non-ethnic" (closer to whatever Anglo means, I guess) Caucasian Americans - how many do I actually like?

* #101 Being Offended - No, I am relatively slow to anger, but when I'm pissed off - the offender will know, and then not know, if you know what I mean.
* #100 Bumper Stickers - No
* #99 Grammar - Ain't (I'm a songwriter, so no.)
* #98 The Ivy League - No, I went to a state college.
* #97 Scarves - No
* #96 New Balance Shoes - No
* #95 Rugby - Wouldn't know
* #94 Free Healthcare - If given the choice between paying for health care and getting it as part of what my taxes pay for, then yes.
* #93 Music Piracy - No, I kind of will need my songwriting royalties.
* #92 Book Deals - No, as I'll write a book, produce an album, or produce a film regardless of please-screw-me-over industry deals.
* #91 San Francisco - Not really, too expensive
* #90 Dinner Parties - Sure: I like dinners, and I like parties.
* #89 St. Patrick’s Day - Who doesn't?
* #88 Having Gay Friends - I don't really ask, I don't really care, so no bold.
* #87 Outdoor Performance Clothes - No
* #86 Shorts - No, but I wear them anyway when appropriate
* #85 The Wire - Wouldn't know
* #84 T-Shirts - See shorts
* #83 Bad Memories of High School - Don't remember
* #82 Hating Corporations - Yes, while ironically owning one or more
* #81 Graduate School - No, BA thank you very much
* #80 The Idea of Soccer - No
* #79 Modern Furniture - No
* #78 Multilingual Children - Wouldn't know
* #77 Musical Comedy - No
* #76 Bottles of Water - No, filters on tap are better
* #75 Threatening to Move to Canada - If you mean being exiled to the far north, building a mercenary army of hosers, Inuits, and Santa's elves, and conquering everything between the North Pole and Panama due to divine mandate, then yes.
* #74 Oscar Parties - No
* #73 Gentrification - No
* #72 Study Abroad - Study a broad whilst crooning like Sinatra? Yes. Going to college in another country? No.
* #71 Being the only white person around - Wouldn't know
* #70 Difficult Breakups - No
* #69 Mos Def - He's cool, but not really to warrant a bold yes.
* #68 Michel Gondry - Also cool, see above
* #67 Standing Still at Concerts - Yes
* #66 Divorce - No
* #65 Co-Ed Sports - No
* #64 Recycling - Yes
* #63 Expensive Sandwiches - No, food prices, hello?
* #62 Knowing What’s Best for Poor People - No
* #61 Bicycles - No
* #60 Toyota Prius - No
* #59 Natural Medicine - Yes, but in combination with unnatural and supernatural medicine
* #58 Japan - the country's cool and all, but not enough to warrant a bold yes.
* #57 Juno - Haven't seen it yet
* #56 Lawyers - Our corporate lawyer is cool but probably does not represent the entire profession
* #55 Apologies - No
* #54 Kitchen Gadgets - No
* #53 Dogs - Yes
* #52 Sarah Silverman - Cool but no bold yes
* #51 Living by the Water - Tidal waves?
* #50 Irony - Yes but not in the trendy way implied by the blog.
* #49 Vintage - I call it old stuff that still works, so no.
* #48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops - No, see expensive sandwiches
* #47 Arts Degrees - I have a BA, so begrudgingly yes.
* #46 The Sunday New York Times - No
* #45 Asian Fusion Food - Asian food, yes. Nuclear/jazz fusion, sure. That other thing...?
* #44 Public Radio - No time
* #43 Plays - No time
* #42 Sushi - Yes
* #41 Indie Music - Some
* #40 Apple Products - Some
* #39 Netflix - No
* #38 Arrested Development - Cool but no time
* #37 Renovations - No time
* #36 Breakfast Places - No
* #35 The Daily Show/Colbert Report - Yes
* #34 Architecture - No
* #33 Marijuana - No: Smoke + Lungs = Bad
* #32 Vegan/Vegetarianism - Does eating herbivores count? That makes me a vegetarian once removed, you know.
* #31 Snowboarding - No
* #30 Wrigley Field - Cool but no bold yes
* #29 80s Night - Fun but no
* #28 Not having a TV - No
* #27 Marathons - No
* #26 Manhattan (now Brooklyn too!) - Cool but see Wrigley Field
* #25 David Sedaris - No
* #24 Wine - Yes
* #23 Microbreweries - No time
* #22 Having Two Last Names - No
* #21 Writers Workshops - No
* #20 Being an expert on YOUR culture - Wouldn't know
* #19 Traveling - Little time
* #18 Awareness - No, actually do stuff instead
* #17 Hating their Parents - No
* #16 Gifted Children - No
* #15 Yoga - Gaining some appreciation but not to give it a bold yes.
* #14 Having Black Friends - While I have, I'm sure the satirical entry on it doesn't apply to me.
* #13 Tea - Not anymore
* #12 Non-Profit Organizations - No, as I am in it to win it
* #11 Asian Girls - Having this kind of fetish doesn't apply to me
* #10 Wes Anderson Movies - Cool but no bold
* #9 Making you feel bad about not going outside - No
* #8 Barack Obama - Yes
* #7 Diversity - Yes
* #6 Organic Food - Yes
* #5 Farmer’s Markets - No time
* #4 Assists - Doesn't apply
* #3 Film Festivals - No: I've thrown one (never again), and I'll use 'em in the future, but no.
* #2 Religions their parents don’t belong to - No
* #1 Coffee - Not anymore

About 17 (or roughly 20 or so if you count the half-assed yes responses) out of 101...which means absolutely nothing, unless someone things of a spot-on snide comment here. By the way, the dude responsible for that Stuff blog wrote a book about much the same thing: Stuff White People Like: A Definitive Guide to the Unique Taste of Millions.

Scrooge's Third Vistor etching by John Leech is in the public domain.

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