Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Oops! I Crapped My Pants

This is a relatively recent (nine or ten years) classic from SNL:

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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Happy Birthday!

I'd like to take a moment to wish my friend Camille a Happy Birthday! There was a surprise party for her several years ago that ended up as not so much a surprise. The guests left their shoes at the door as a naive courtesy. We didn't think that one through. Good times, though.

Okay, that's about it for today. I guess there are no primaries today. This Saturday, the territory of Guam will decide the Democratic nomination.

Or maybe not.

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Monday, April 28, 2008

Ask Your Doctor If AcipHex Is Right For You

Alternatively, ask your doctor if ass effects are right for you, such as lasers and fog machines.

Actually, the flatulence-to-conversation converter featured in a relatively old SNL sketch would be a great ass effect: "Did you see Charlie Rose last night?"

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Sunday, April 27, 2008

Petroleum's Replacement to Be as Expensive as Petroleum

That's about it. The price of corn is increasing because of its use in the creation of ethanol (among other factors). It will probably be easy for Big Oil to become Big Corn or Big Water or Big Sun, depending on the successor to petroleum (and petroleum-related accessories) to fuel or mechanical engines.

The scariest would have to be a water cartel, as an industry to profit directly from the sun seems ridiculous (unless you are Montgomery Burns).

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Saturday, April 26, 2008

AcipHex - Really?

There's a heartburn and acid reflux disease drug called AcipHex, which is a portmanteau of the words acid and effects, as well making use of the symbol pH, which measures acidity. This drug's name is all too clever, even for its own good: AcipHex also sounds like "ass effects."

I write this blog because I had a small bout of flatulence when I first saw the commercial for this drug. I found my own ass effects cosmically appropriate for the entire situation. Let us all meditate on this.

AcipHex photo credit: Elbreapoly.

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Friday, April 25, 2008

Eye of Sauron Carrot Cake

The following cake was supposed to be decorated like a green eyeball, but I ran out of green icing and had to make due with red. So the end product looked like a cross between the Eye of Sauron and some sort of nipple.

The carrot cake, with cream cheese frosting, was pretty sweet. Literally.

Snapshots by yours truly.

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Thursday, April 24, 2008

In Search of a Sports Bar/Restaurant: San Manuel Indian Bingo and Casino

I subscribe to neither cable nor satellite TV, and I don't intend to do so anytime in the future. I just don't see the logic in paying for more commercial-loaded television. Besides, streaming broadband video rocks.

Anyhow, since Game Two of the Lakers/Nuggets playoff series wasn't on broadcast TV, and since we wanted to see the game, we had to find a place that had either TNT or FSN West on their television. We had about three general options:

1. Be THAT neighbor/friend/relative and drop by unannounced;

2. Go to restaurant/bar with sports on the TV and awkwardly stay there for about three hours, ordering Buffalo wings and beer the whole time (which would've been great...maybe next time); or

3. Go somewhere else with lots of room, lots of plasma TVs showing sports, and lots of blinking bright lights and noises.

We chose option number three and went to the San Manuel Indian Bingo and Casino in Highland, California. Other than the TV sounds being silent (it takes a tiny amount of basketball familiarity to figure out what's going on, so that's not a big deal), San Manuel was a pretty good choice. We spent the first half watching the game at the buffet, where I ate a ranch-full of Korean BBQ-style beef short ribs and other gluttonous quantities of food. Yes, I felt the pain of my gluttony an hour after eating.

The second half of the game was spent at the food court, with a $1.50 fountain soda and the company of various gamblers on break and a casino employee doing the rounds while glimpsing the game. It was a diverse mix of the working peoples of California (including yours truly), with a large strata of over-21 age and ethnic background represented. It's the kind of blue collar street cred that a presidential candidate would envy for a few weeks. By all accounts, everyone watching the food court televisions was going for the Lakers (some more than others). The third quarter was the most exciting part of the game, as the final quarter was just a blowout. The Lakers won, by the way.

At least the next two games will be on broadcast TV, since away games are usually broadcast on KCAL 9. In the meanwhile, I'd better lay off the beef for a while.

Kobe Bryant photograph credit: michael248.

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Wednesday, April 23, 2008

What's a Hill-Rod?

Okay, this isn't going to be a meaty entry, so here's a bunch of quick statements (and non-statements):

- Hill-Rod beat Ba-Rock by 10 percent in Pennsylvania, although "Rowdy" Rodham Clinton would've been a better wrestler pun (RE: yesterday's episode of WWE Monday Night Raw and's blog entry).

- The 10-point victory is still subject to spin, spin, spin!

- Superdelegates...?

- There needs to be a nationwide paradigm shift from standard left-right politics to a debate between those who think the status quo will enable survival versus those who believe adaptation will ensure survival. This is not to say that the "status quo" is inherently bad or "adaptation" is inherently natural - both are open for interpretation, and there's a lot in between. The times...they are a-changin'.

- In site news,'s "MILF Island"/30 Rock entry dropped from top position on Google to around fourth.

- Also,'s Chord du Jour will hopefully return with new daily music mini-lessons on June 1st. You can go to either or for this blog.

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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Happy _irthday!

The Good News: Happy Birthday to my friend Whitny, pictured in this extremely archaic photograph. You can read about her adventures in Belgium and Israel, and marvel that she looks like she has not aged a day since this photograph was taken (pre-digital camera).

The Bad News: Happy Earth Day to all us humans slowly converting all of the Earth's diverse molecules into one big human (and human waste) mass.

The Ugly News: Check out the who's-more-blue-collar-than-whom wrasslin' fest by the three remaining candidates on WWE Raw, with Obama acting like a mellower, new The Rock (in ironic response to the former The Rock, Dwayne Johnson, now having the same non-wrestler physique as the Illinois Senator) - okay this is quite the run-on, poorly executed sentence:

It's too bad that McCain had to conjure Hulk Hogan, as Mike Huckabee would have been a more appropriate pun as The Huckster.

What's a Hill-Rod?

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Monday, April 21, 2008

NBA Playoffs

Catch the fever...CATCH IT... (Please read it in a threatening Homer Simpson-esque manner.)

Tomorrow (Tuesday) is the long-awaited Pennsylvania Primary, so I might have something meatier to write about on Wednesday.

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Sunday, April 20, 2008

Genre Wars

Check out this plethora of articles to research, courtesy of a quick Google search. Anyhow, according the NME and other sources - metalheads, punk rockers, and rockabilly enthusiasts (for lack of a better term) assaulted the emo kids in various parts of Mexico (and Chile, according to some reports), in a sort of smackdown of people in costumes and theme music. On second thought, it just might be almost exactly like a costumed-wrestler Smackdown, only it's unscripted.

It's all fun and games when we hyperbolically mock opposing ideologies and backgrounds - political, religious, cultural, and even musical- but when the humor goes beyond rational discourse and past nonviolent ad hominem insults into the realm of senseless violence, we have to stand back and say: "Dude, that ain't cool."

This situation highlights the wisdom of not putting all your eggs in one basket. This probably applies more to the fans than to the artists (who usually get to leave their stage personae after the tour), but it is definitely wiser to not let musical genre control your lifestyle. Seriously, there's a lot more to life than music (and keep in mind that a self-described musician is writing this), and music is often played in the background in many real-life situations to support this analogy.

Pictured above is Rob Halford, lead singer of Judas Priest, and one of the major influences of the metal genre (or subgenre of rock music). The actions of the metalheads mentioned above should in no way reflect poorly on Halford, nor on other metalheads who did not participate in the violence. Hmm...that sounds a lot like religion, and whether or not the bad eggs (fundies of all kinds) appropriately reflect the prophets and/or mellower believers. (And yes, if you read some of the news stories of the metal-on-emo violence and the associated homophobic overtones, I'm obviously using the example of Halford in an ironic manner.)

Rob Halford photo credit: Andrew Dale.

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Saturday, April 19, 2008

The First of the Strawberries with Cream, Part Two

No, Sam. I can't recall the taste of food, nor the sound of water, nor the touch of grass. I'm naked in the dark. There's nothing--no veil between me and the wheel of fire. I can see him with my waking eyes.
- Frodo Baggins, right after Samwise said yesterday's quote in the film

If we can deconstruct this passage for symbolism, Frodo is really talking about how springtime allergies are killing him and his resentment of methamphetamine addicts - how their bootlegging ways ruined easy access to pseudophedrine for the rest of us.

That's all for today. Goodnight, everybody!

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Friday, April 18, 2008

The First of the Strawberries with Cream

Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo? It'll be spring soon and the orchards will be in blossom, and the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And the whistle in the summer barley in the Lower fields. And eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?
- Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (film, and possibly the book...but I wouldn't know)

Needless to say, we went a bit overboard with the strawberries on this cake:

The cake decorating job is still a bit crude, but I've given into the career aptitude test results (half of it, anyway) from senior year of high school and been getting as much practice in the art of cake decorating.

You can see with the strawberry cake with strawberries in the middle and on top, the only thing more redundant would be strawberry frosting.

Snapshots by yours truly.

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Thursday, April 17, 2008

American Presidential Politics: Shorter Attention Span than Modern Professional Wrestling

Seriously. This entry's title says it all. If you know enough about professional wrestling to either enjoy it or make clever jokes about it, you'll know about the short attention span of the various storylines: Quick name changes, quick blood relation changes, instantaneous changes of loyalties, feuds that go nowhere, etc.

But for the inherent amnesia of "sports entertainment," the politics of the U.S. of A. (and possibly elsewhere) is usually worse. As far as the race to November, here's a laundry list of things that have been forgotten, will be forgotten, or put on hold until late summer:

Not conservative enough...
Fired/resigned campaign advisers...
Lobbyists working for campaigns...
Drinking beer...
et cetera.

Missing on the above list are the issues that voters probably care about.

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Wednesday, April 16, 2008

More Milk Propaganda

More rockophilia from White Gold and the Calcium Twins means more filler at This one's called "Tame the White Tiger"...

...and filler means I wrote this blog entry last Sunday. When something bloggable (is that even a word?) comes up, I'll be sure to try to capitalize.

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Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Happy Birthday, Mr. Taxman.

In the late 1990s, I was in a band with today's birthday celebrant, DJ John X (though his name didn't quite have the prefix nor the suffix back then). From the picture on the far left, you can see I rocked the sideburns and played a maple fretboard Fender Stratocaster, and John Ingles played a rosewood Strat while singing through a Dirt Devil microphone stand.

Fast-forward about ten years, and apparently John plays the bass in a band called Roadside Junkies. I hope to one day hear this band's music on their MySpace profile or maybe even catch a show.

Anyhow, wishes DJ John X a happy birthday, so here's the trailer to a 2004 college student film I never finished editing called Death and Taxes, with John playing the principal antagonist, appropriately named The Taxman:

...speaking of which, have you all living in the U.S.A. file your tax returns yet? The clock is ticking, like an episode of 24...

Lead singer John snapshot credit: Susan Byers? It's been years, so I don't quite remember.
Bass player John snapshot credit: Roadside Junkies MySpace profile.

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Monday, April 14, 2008

Rockophilia and Dairy Propaganda

Many things more relevant and current happened in the world recently, but since I'm writing this blog entry in advance through Blogger in Draft, I'm going to write about the latest Got Milk? ad campaign.

This piece of dairy board propaganda evidently started online through social/new media sharing networks (MySpace, YouTube, Facebook) before going on broadcast TV. It stars a rockophile of the Jack Black variety named White Gold with his rhythm section The Calcium Twins, as they play an ode to the benefits of milk called "One Gallon Axe." Apologies to those who cannot digest lactose that well:

It seems to me that this style of rock music - one that doesn't take itself too seriously, and its ethos is completely derived from the love of rock 'n roll should be classified as its own genre: not parody, as it is most sincere to the rock, but rockophilia. I think Jack Black (and Kyle Gass in Tenacious D) really popularized the movement of loving the rock (School of Rock) or the metal (Pick of Destiny) or whatever for the sake of the music, the coolness of being in the music, etc. Other evidence would be the case of Dave Grohl, who went from punk rock drummer to bordering on glam rocker over the past decade-and-a-half, or faster than you can scream, "I don't owe you anything!" Okay, it's maybe not that extreme, but Kurt Cobain probably wouldn't go there (he wanted to be a bluesman).

In conclusion: "Got Milk?"

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Sunday, April 13, 2008

Perception Is the Only Connection

If you find humor in this, then good. If not, then learn to laugh. Laughter will do you some good.

Senator Joe Lieberman

Pope Benedict XVI

Darth Sidious/Emperor Palpatine (left); Senator/Chancellor Palpatine (right)

Senator Joe Lieberman photo credit: United States Congress.
Pope Benedict XVI photo credit: Fabio Pozzebom.
Star Wars Palpatine copyright: Star Wars Magazine UK 59.

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Saturday, April 12, 2008

Thank You, Tina Fey! received nearly 2000 hits during the past two days because of the recent 30 Rock episode "MILF Island." Granted, the majority of the "hits" were probably Google's search robots fulfilling various individuals' searches for "MILF Island," whether 30 Rock-related or to fulfill some sort of secret fetish.

This all began right after the season premiere of 30 Rock, which featured an in-passing joke that Alec Baldwin's character developed a reality TV show named MILF Island and misappropriated Jerry Seinfeld's image to hype that show, as well as others. I ran with the pseudo-reality of the show when I wrote my hyperbolic review of the 30 Rock season premiere: "NBC to Premiere 'MILF Island'."

Somehow, my blog entry reached the top of current and past Google searches for "MILF Island" (right below any relevant news stories), much to the chagrin of fetish pornographers around the world. That above blog entry has been a major source for much of's traffic during the fall season. During wintertime, the article's popularity waned, and only alleged and theoretical fetish enthusiasts mistakenly visited, in the probable hope of something else.

However, has experienced a revival due to last Thursday's episode (which can be found on Hulu, I mean, yesterday's entry), not since the Colbert-Conan feud of early 2008 have we experienced so many visitors. Just as I thanked Stephen Colbert for the Internet Colbert Bump, I thank Tina Fey (and company) for the inadvertent benefit to

Tina Fey photo credit: Cicero17.

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