Thursday, January 31, 2008

Swiss Army Knife Filmmaking

This is essentially a haircut montage, but it serves a couple of key purposes: To promote my company Mutiny Universe and as a trial run for recently-acquired equipment before I use them for the big movie - Elan Vital. That, and I needed a about three important reasons are covered by the following video:

If the term hasn't been coined yet, I'd like to one-up Robert Rodriguez's Mariachi Filmmaking term with an even fancier term for Guerrilla Filmmaking: Swiss Army Knife Filmmaking. Like the multi-tool, it involves a one-person (sometimes two-person) cast-crew and a final product that serves more than one purpose.

Oh yeah, and the music is by my band The Society of Gloves.

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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

John Edwards Crosses Over; Rudy Giuliani Quits 9/11

That's pretty much the news to which I woke up. There's really nothing more to add to two candidates quitting the campaign today.

As the two-party battle royal continues, let's see what's going on so far (whilst we continue to use a professional wrestling metaphor):

In the Democrat ring, it's down to the last two - Hillary Clinton (with Bill in her corner and sometimes in the ring when the referee's not watching) versus Barack Obama (who sometimes sounds like a calmer version of The Rock). From now on, should we start calling him The Rock Obama?

I wonder what's going on in terms backstage politics - who's vying for running mate status? John Edwards...again? Bill Richardson, if anyone remembers how nice he was to everyone during the debates? Dennis Kucinich?

And for the Grand Old Partiers, its down to the final four: John McCain, Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee, and Ron Paul. Only the Internet will take note of Ron Paul's survival in the corporate media wrasslin' ring of politics. But seriously, Ron Paul has outlasted the formerly popular Fred Thompson and Pat Robertson's oxymoronic pick Rudy Giuliani. We'll see how Mike Huckabee (with Chuck Norris running interference when the ref's not looking) will do on Super Tuesday, but it seems he's been shuffled back into the deck as of late. He'll need another Colbert bump, methinks.

Who will make it to the main event?

John Edwards official Senate photo credit: United States Senate.
Rudy Giuliani photo credit: Jason Bedrick.

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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

A Case of Writer's Block = Random Wikipedia Article

I clicked on the random page link on Wikipedia, and I got this article:

Arthur Leycester Scott Coltman

Arthur Leycester Scott Coltman, published as Leycester Coltman, was the British ambassador to Cuba from 1991 to 1994 [1]. He had a close relationship with Fidel Castro and wrote "The Real Fidel Castro" about his experiences [2].

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Monday, January 28, 2008

Stimulus Package?

In less than 15 minutes, President Bush will speak his last State of the Union address. It is anticipated that the biggest part of his agenda will be the proposed economic stimulus package. If or when Congress passes this bill, and if you're on the list to receive several hundred dollars, what are you going to do with the money? Are you going to spend it, save it, invest it, or exchange it into Euros?

Anyhow, this is all I have in me to write today. It is worth noting that this entry does not make fun of President Bush once - no mention of strategery at all. Oops.

George W. Bush presidential photo credit: Eric Draper.

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Sunday, January 27, 2008

Fwd: Re: Bush's Mistake (America Can Be Better)

I'd like to forward a nearly five-month old duo of blog postings, each from opposing viewpoints. The thread originator comes from The National Word, which dubs itself "America's Blog." With articles usually written by William Brady, this particular entry called "President Bush did make a Bad Mistake" has an unknown writer. The gist is that the writer idealizes the America of the 1940s (World War II) as an example to follow when it comes to the War on Terror. Here's a sample paragraph by the unknown writer:

No, President Bush did not make a mistake in his handling of terrorism. He made the mistake of believing that we still had the courage and fortitude of our fathers. He believed that this was still the country that our fathers fought so dearly to preserve. It is not the same country. It is now a cross between Sodom and Gomorra and the land of Oz.

In the blog My Soapbox, Chad Lupkes replies to The National Word in his article "Re: Bush's Mistake." Lupkes basically deconstructs the earlier blog entry with several reasons why the idealized 1940s America is incompatible with the hypocrisy prevalent in the current administration. Here's a sample paragraph by Lupkes:

Things were a lot different in the 1940's. We didn't have US Senators looking for sex in airport bathrooms. We didn't have Vice Presidents collecting money from corporations that got no-bid contracts from his own government. We had a 1.9% unemployment and we trusted our government to look out for our welfare first. We had CEO's making maybe 40 times what the average worker earned; now that ratio is 500:1, and the conservatives in government are trying to keep wages as low as possible, driving a third of our population onto the brink of poverty and nearly a quarter outside of the existing health care system.

Regardless of my political beliefs, I am at heart an anti-totalitarian, and I applaud both sides of the above debate. There is as much room in this country (or at least, in my America) for "America can be better if we wholeheartedly support the current administration" as "The current administration is corrupt and America can be better than that." Too often, we neither hear nor read in the corporate media and the political Blogosphere about the necessity of rational debate. Too often, we hear "My side is correct, and all dissenters must leave this country." The keywords are in bold print - America can be better - and all the words around this independent clause are up for debate.

Anyway, here's to America's Constitutional Republic and its sometimes convoluted but necessary principle of Representative Democracy. And here's to doing our damnedest as informed citizens to prevent the United States of America from becoming a mirror of Mussolini's Fascist State or Stalin's Communist Soviet...or any other totalitarian permutation.

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Saturday, January 26, 2008

Barack Obama Wins South Carolina Democratic Primary

If you read the title of this entry, then you pretty much got the entire story. Did Obama get a boost from my spiel highlighting that cool people could have the name Hussein, too, and such a name isn't exclusive to totalitarian dictators? Probably not, as only a few people Dugg the story on Digg. Did Dennis Kucinich's fans in South Carolina take the dropped-out candidate's strategy to heart: If they couldn't vote for Dennis, they should vote for Barack? Who knows...

As for me, I had way too much fun on this pre-rainy Saturday that I actually forgot that the long awaited Democratic state primary came and went today. I heard a news blurb a few minutes ago and said, "Oh yeah, it was the South Carolina Democratic Primary today." With basically neither a Democrat nor Republican frontrunner, we all just have to wait and see.

In any case, congratulations to Senator Obama - first the senate seat, then the Grammy in 2006, and now he's on a trajectory that could very well give him the Democratic Party nomination for the Presidency. He must be walking on air, or better - walking on sunshine:

And don't it feel good? The picture context says Obama's getting a rebound, but it really looks like he's levitating and the people around him are about to crap their pants...but just a little.

Barack Obama senate photo credit: United States Senate.
Barack Obama basketball photo credit: MCC Eric A. Clement, USN, and the U.S. Department of Defense.

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Friday, January 25, 2008

Kucinich Drops Out: The FLILF Dream Is Over.

Apparently, America is NOT ready for a FLILF. Elizabeth Kucinich's husband Dennis ended his campaign for the Democratic nomination on Thursday (a formal announcement is due sometime today). With both Dennis Kucinich and Fred Thompson out of the race for the White House, well, The Daily Show's Jason Jones' joke is no longer relevant:

Of course, recently Jason Jones been looking for the Icelandic soldier who withdrew from Iraq (Codename: SILF)...and Jones failed at that mission as well. It is worth noting (according to the peer-reviewed Journal of Wikipediatric Studies) that "Iceland had 2 Explosive Ordnance Disposal experts, a medical advisor, and some transport experts assigned to the Danish unit immediately after the occupation began; they have since been withdrawn." Anyhow, here's the video from The Daily Show, starring Jones:

Back to Kucinich, sort of. Stephen Colbert received the news via magic in his suit jacket's inner pocket:

It took a few months, but I guess this the Kucinich storyline at (part one | part two | you're reading part three) has come to an end...for now. Thanks to Comedy Central for making the source material funny, so I can redundantly post it on this blog. It was truly a win-win situation for all parties involved...well, except for Dennis Kucinich.

Elizabeth Kucinich photo credit: Roger H. Goun.

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Thursday, January 24, 2008

Cooler than Saddam, Also Named Hussein

To combat that strangely American paranoia over Barack Obama's middle name of Hussein, as in Barack Hussein Obama, Jr., we have scoured the World (Wide Web) to find persons / places / things / ideas that are cooler than Saddam, also named Hussein. For this entry, we'll focus on the late King Hussein of Jordan (1935-1999).

After you take away all the controversies associated with King Hussein's reign over Jordan, here are the cool things leftover:

1. He was friends with Israel without totally pissing off (relatively speaking) neighboring Arab nations;
2. His ham radio call sign was JY1;
3. He did impressions of Dr. Evil from Austin Powers. Luckily for us, he was a friend of the U.S.; otherwise we would have to fear this Hussein's weapon of mass destruction:

Sadly, King Hussein did not live long enough to enjoy the Austin Powers sequels, from which the above clip is taken. Anyhow, as you can see, the late King Hussein is now everyone's best friend. We'll be back soon for more "Cooler than Saddam, Also Named Hussein." And by the way, to help clarify operating terms, "Cooler than..." should be understood as "Not a Homicidal Dictator Like..." just so we're on the same page here.

King Hussein photo credit: United States of America Department of Defense.

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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Fred Thompson Drops Out

As of yesterday, Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson is back to actor Fred Thompson (or former Senator Fred Thompson - your pick). To whom will Fred's fans place their primary votes now? Giuliani? McCain? Huckabee? Romney? Paul? Keyes? A Democrat? An Independent?

That's all I have for today. It's Whatever Wednesday, after all.

Fred Thompson photo credit: freddthompson.

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Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The Huckabee Causality Controversy Continues...

...and this lowly blogger is milking the story as much as he can (part one | part 1.5 | part two | part three). Check out Conan O'Brien's rebuttal to the "Colbert Bump" with "Conan Made Huckabee":

As you can see, the feud has crossed the line into ethnic slurs. Anyway, Conan now has two relatively cogent arguments to prove his stake in the Huckabee Causality Controversy:

Argument #1:
1. Conan resurrected Chuck Norris' career.
2. Chuck Norris energized Mike Huckabee.
3. Therefore, Conan made Mike Huckabee win the Iowa Caucus (which is old news!).

Argument #2:
1. Conan made Stephen Colbert.
2. Colbert made Huckabee.
3. Therefore, Conan made Huckabee.

Both of those arguments follow a longer chain of cause and effect than Colbert's argument:

1. Colbert bumps Huckabee.
2. Huckabee wins.

In other words...

1. Colbert made Huckabee.
2. Therefore, Colbert made Huckabee (which is begging the question...if I remember rudimentary logic correctly).

Can't these two late night comedians just...get along? Jay Leno and Jimmy Kimmel have gotten along quite well during these strike days.

Speaking of feuds and not talking about the Clinton(s) / Obama contest, how about John McCain and his mom Roberta versus Chuck Norris and Mike Huckabee (Team Chuckabee)? Chuck Norris says McCain's too old for the Presidency, but here are the facts:

John McCain was a POW in Vietnam for over 5 1/2 years. In the film Missing in Action, "Colonel James Braddock (Chuck Norris) is an American officer who spent seven years in a North Vietnamese POW camp" (Wikipedia), which probably translates as about 10 minutes of screen time, or possibly about 20 seconds of opening title narration. I don't remember the movie in detail, so forgive my lack of research. Anyhow...real POW versus fake POW. I think the real POW wins, and I'll gladly take the roundhouse kick/beard fist of consequence because I write the truth. Okay, okay, to be fair: Missing in Action 2: The Beginning devoted the entire 100 minute story to Norris' character's POW experience, and the entire Missing in Action trilogy is dedicated to Chuck's brother Weiland, who was killed in the Vietnam War. Still...real versus fake. Real wins.

As far as tag team partners go, that match up is pretty even. Roberta McCain is 95 years old, and Mike Huckabee lost a lot of weight. Furthermore, Roberta McCain is suspicious of Mormons, and so is most of Mike Huckabee's fan club. (Can Mitt Romney's money successfully battle against electoral religious bigotry?) I can go on and on...

On these merits alone - Conan, Colbert, Huckabee, Norris, Hillary, Obama, et cetera, Peter Cetera - this will hopefully be the BEST. ELECTION. (I wrote election, right?) EVER.

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Monday, January 21, 2008

Happy Martin Luther King, Jr., Day

I am certainly not the first, nor the last, to embed Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech in a blog post on this holiday. Here it is:

Also of note are the sad excuses for rational debate in the comments section of the video. It's you get what you pay for, I guess. (YouTube is free to use, if you didn't get that last statement. Thanks.)

Anyway, if you or I are going to learn something from Dr. King, it's to judge people by content of their character. If you're going to hate somebody - and I don't suggest you do - make sure they are major league A-holes who deserve such contempt, and not by any prejudicial means.

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Sunday, January 20, 2008

Super Bowl XLII

If you haven't heard, this year's Super Bowl (what are the rules of using this trademark?) will be the undefeated New England Patriots versus the New York Giants, in a rematch from the close regular season ender. It had better be a good game on February 3rd...Super Bowl XLII? Geez, we're at number 42 already?

And then there's Super Tuesday (note to self: vote)...

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Saturday, January 19, 2008

What Happens in Caucus, Stays in Caucus

"What Happens in Caucus, Stays in Caucus." Okay, maybe not. By all accounts, Hillary Clinton and Mitt Romney won their respective parties' Nevada Caucuses. We won't get into South Carolina's Republican Primary, other than wondering if secession was also on the ballot.

Also of note is Ron Paul's second place finish (tied with John McCain?) in the Silver State. By name dropping Ron Paul, I'm obviously trying to regain some of the traffic from the Colbert (Nation) Bump from earlier this week. Anyhow, it's no wonder that several Libertarian-leaning citizens of Nevada - often employed in various occupations often condemned by the rest of the nation - voted for Dr. No.

Whatever happened to Rudy-mania? Exactly.

It seems to me that the sharp Red State / Blue State divide of the previous two presidential elections is potentially in for a change. If the divisiveness of the country continues, then we'll have a roughly three-part nation. It might not be obvious this election, but who knows what the future holds (except for the conspirators who hold the future)? Let me paint a picture (using words, of course) - or rather, a caricature of the three nation divide:

1. Nanny State America, located along the Pacific Coast, the Northeast, and possibly Hawaii. All the basics of life - health care, education, and food - are taken care of by the government. It goes above and beyond Michael Moore's Utopian vision of Norway:

Of course, since all prices are fixed (or can only be modified by an election/government action) then eventually - if simple supply-and-demand economics is correct - things will get screwy. Enter the bread lines and salt mines. Duh-duh-duh-duh.

2. Big Brother America, located somewhere in the Midwest and the Southeast. To paraphrase Martin Niemöller: First they came for those who weren't FOX News Republicans; then they came for [insert scapegoated ethnic group here]; then they came for unionized workers; then they came for those who weren't Evangelicals.

Jingos, fundies, and Wal-Mart associates are for the most part welcome in Big Brother America.

3. Wild Wild West America, located in the deserts, wildernesses, and other badass regions of America. Everyone pretty much leaves everyone else alone, unless there's some kind of competition for a needed resource (like food). In these kinds of situations, there's gonna be a whole lotta crap blowin' up! Yee-haw! And thus shines the beauty of not only the free market, but a heavily armed free market.

Otherwise we can get all these opposing viewpoints to debate and vote in a so-called United States of America, but what fun is that?

Red State / Blue State America image credit: Hoshie.

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Friday, January 18, 2008

Conan's Causality or the Colbert Bump?

I apologize to Stephen Colbert, and I am currently trembling in awe of the Colbert Bump. (I possibly crapped my pants, but just a little.) While Conan O'Brien has a strong case for indirectly causing Huckabee's only primary season win, the great I Am America himself has irrefutable evidence for directly causing the win, even more than the Iowans themselves. This can be demonstrated in two steps:

1. Colbert bumps.
2. Huckabee wins. QED.

Let's be scientific about it; a semi-colon only adds to the officialness of what I am about to write. What else has experienced this phenomenon? You're reading it.

1. The Colbert Nation links to a entry. It's not quite appearing on The Colbert Report proper, but it's pretty damn close.
2. doubles its readership, from one to two. Actually it's grown to 1.9 readers, but decimals are people too! Well, not counting yours truly, has eight-tenths of a reader, much much more than before. QED. End of story.

If you don't believe me, watch and hear it from the man himself:

And yes, you've read correctly: I am 110%. The screenshot is from

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Thursday, January 17, 2008

Viva Las Caucus!

We could go the long way by trying to find people to take relatively brief surveys - or even shorter polls - to try to figure out who will win Primary X before the primary begins...

...or we can make it a game of luck, like on The Colbert Report:

We'll see this weekend if Barack Obama wins the Nevada Caucus, as the roulette wheel predicted.

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Linked at!

Add this to the Annals of Badassness. (That's annals, not anals.) Check out the following screen shot from (The #1 and #2 Colbert Report Fan Site!):

The second link on the list goes to's blog entry "Huckabee's Caucus Win, Conan's Causality" from January 5th. We've had some great links from awesome websites and blogs - our 30 Rock and Jens Hannemann entries come to mind. They say that successful blogs are focused and appeal to some sort of recognizable niche - and that might be true - but the above shortlist of strange results have convinced me to continue our current strategy of random topics...and politics. Kinda, sorta.

Anyway, thanks to Avery Gordon, Stephen Colbert, Comedy Central, and/or whomever wrote that entry for The Colbert Nation for this honor!

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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Doogie Howser, Guest Blogger

I really have nothing to write right at the moment, so here's a blog entry from the First Blogger, Dr. Doogie Howser, apparently written almost 18 years ago, on Wednesday, January 17, 1990:

Doogie writes:
Wednesday, January 17, 1990

Jealousy. You never outgrow it. As Bogey might have said... The only thing worse than a jealous lover is a slug from a .44... Then again, there's nothing better.

Posted by Doogie Howser at 7:59 PM


Doogie Howser's words written by the writers of Doogie Howser, M.D. Support the Writers!

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Monday, January 14, 2008

The Return of "MILF Island"

It never ceases to amaze me that we constantly get search engine visitors for our first "MILF Island" entry. Can we say...fetish? Anyhow, here's the entire 30 Rock episode, found on the NBC-approved website Hulu:

The episode is entitled "Seinfeld Vision"! I hope you caught the episode while it was still available on Hulu.

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Sunday, January 13, 2008

Write-In Candidate Ralph Wiggum

To follow-up on the saga of an eight year-old Presidential hopeful, here's the full episode from Hulu:

"Tastes like burning!"

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