Wednesday, November 7, 2007

New Nomination Strategy: Get a FLILF in the Executive Residence

Gracious commenter (which is a rarity on this blog) Mike Billy broke the news - to me, anyway - that Ron Paul wouldn't seek a third party nomination if he doesn't win the GOP nomination, thus thwarting my hope of another Ralph Nader-type election spoiler in 2008.

According to Joe Dumas, however, if Ron Paul isn't nominated by the GOP, a third party spoiler nominee from either the Libertarian or the Constitution Party would take away needed votes from the Republican Party.

Projections, anticipations, and assurances, I suppose - but we can't leave the nominations in the hands of time and cut-throat politics. We need a back up plan for our back up plan: If we can't have (1) Ron Paul vs. any given Democrat, or (2) any given Democrat vs. a neocon*, with Ron Paul still in the race, then (3) we'll need to nominate candidates married to FLILFs.

Of the large pool of candidates, and in case no other FLILFs emerge from the pack, the Democrats need to nominate Dennis Kucinich, and the Republicans need to nominate Fred Thompson.

Anyhow, as there is a Writers' Guild strike in Planet Hollywood, we'll let one of the last new Daily Show segments further explain the concept of the FLILF (which is like a MILF and like a TILF):

Elizabeth Harper Kucinich is 30 years old and British. She is also Gsptlsnz to her husband's Mxyzptlk (see the first picture in this post).

Fundie? Who cares! She's 30 years old and British! Okay, okay, Mrs. Kucinich received her Bachelor's degree in Religious Studies and Theology (according to the ever-popular Wikipedia), so she probably knows what she's talking about when it comes to religion.

Jingo? With a face that'll launch a thousand ships, this is irrelevant.

Pinko? Sometimes, being red isn't a bad thing. Besides, she once volunteered at Mother Theresa's homes to help poor children. And if her husband's administration would like to institutionalize her brand of good will, who's going to stop her? All right - the opposing party, of course, but remember the thousand ships...remember the thousand ships.

The final word: Damn that Democratic house elf! I mean, let's get Dennis Kucinich nominated! If he wins the presidency, let the competition for White House gardener begin!

Unfortunately, we don't have the time to analyze the prospective GOP FLILF, Jeri Kehn Thompson, but we might get around to it when we put her candidate husband through the "Fundie, Jingo, or Pinko?" test. Well, so much for fair and balanced...

So what I'm saying is, maybe the November 2008 showdown should be between Dr. No and Mrs. Kucinich (with Dennis too). America, you decide!

Anyhow, this is an 1898 painting of a red-haired Helen of Troy by Evelyn de Morgan.

And finally, congratulations to Ron Paul and his supporters for November 5th's four million dollar fundraiser.

*In the near future, I'll explain why the term jingo-fundie should replace the term neoconservative.

Gsptlsnz and Mxyzptlk drawing: All DC Comics characters and the distinctive likeness(es) thereof are Trademarks & Copyright © 1996-2000 DC Comics, Inc. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. If the copyright owners want me to take down this image (and minimize the Dennis Kucinich joke), I will comply with such a request.

Elizabeth Harper Kucinich photo credit: Roger H. Goun.

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