I was trying to come up with a whimsical blog headline, but apparently the Uncyclopedia beat me by a year. Still, let's briefly discuss this: Peter Falk's Lieutenant Columbo had no first name. Columbus' first name was Christopher. Point: Columbo. Lt. Columbo had an invisible wife. Christopher Columbus had three ships. Point: Okay, Columbus. Lt. Columbo was the first to solve various crimes. Christopher Columbus was not the first to cross the Atlantic. Point: Columbo. Bonus point: Peter Falk's glass eye ambiguously portrayed Lt. Columbo's real-or-glass eye.
Winner: Lt. Columbo. Instead of reflecting on history, the rise of colonialism, and the consequential injustices that remain to this day - let's have a Columbo marathon!
Let's start with this scene:
The bottom line with the whole Christopher Columbus incident is that it was a big point-of-reference in the history of civilization. The consequences thereof are tremendous: Many in this world would have been better off if his "discovery" never happened; few would have found themselves in worse situations; and some would have noticed no change. So let the many protest and the few celebrate, while the rest of us try to transcend the cruelties of history and, well...
If you'll step with me inside my time machine, I'll show you the possibilities...
Wait, I'm not Doctor Who. So scratch that.
Peter Falk photo credit: Miranda.