Friday, October 12, 2007

Al Gore's Time Travel Paradox

Congratulations to Al Gore for receiving the Nobel Peace Prize. If you think about it, he's made quite the magnanimous name for himself, after being screwed out of the 2000 U.S. Presidential election. Okay, that statement was a bit biased, but seriously...

1. Virtually nobody makes fun of him being a robot. If you do, you're a bit late. He has a great sense of humor, you narrow-minded fundie.

2. He won an Oscar. If I had the choice between the Presidency and an Oscar...I'd pick the Oscar, too. (He also won an Emmy...and a Grammy? Well, not a Grammy, but likely to do so if he records an audiobook...or sings the blues.)

3. He's raised much awareness about global warming and other environmental issues, and by consequence, outed a bunch of pseudoscientists and fundies who are adamant about screwing over the Earth.

4. He's an advisor to Google, probably making sure they stay the course of "Don't Be Evil."

5. He won the Nobel Peace Prize and is going to donate the cash prize to help the environment. Good for him!

Of course, there has been a lot of talk about "drafting" Gore to run for President. That's great and all, but Gore did win seven years ago, so here's another route: Since he's proven himself a worthy leader - and the alternative has become our reality - let's time travel to 2000 and change the past.

Starting...right...now.

Boom. Past changed. Florida's problematic electoral votes have been disqualified. Wow. Do you see the world with the past changed? Fill in the blanks. Which part of the world has our troops deployed? South-central Asia, you say? Word. Less SUVs on the road? Nice. Hmm... The housing market is down like in the previous reality, you say? Well, markets are markets... "Al Gore is a robot" jokes? Really?

Wait. It's all changing back! Why?

If our motivation to change the past rests solely on Al Gore's seven-year track record, then all that good has been erased to make him President. Since we don't have that cool Oscar-winning, Nobel Prize-receiving, self-effacing humor to motivate our need to time travel, we wouldn't change the past. With no one to change the past...well...

Same old, same old. We might need to change the future, then.

Al Gore photo credit: Brett Wilson.

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