Tuesday, August 25, 2015

How to Make a Bootleg #Slurpee / #Icee with a #NutriBullet: Ice, Flat Soda, and Sugar

Over the course of the summer, I have refined my technique using the NutriBullet. Keep in mind that I do not use this blender for its intended use: Healthy shakes made with fruit, vegetables, and various nutritional supplement powder. Instead, I make nice, ice-blended goodness, with booze or no booze, but definitely cold and sweet to beat the summertime heat.

The basic formula is pretty simple: Blend about 12 ounces of liquid with two "glassfuls" (see recipe below for the photo) of ice cubes to the count of 30.

For a specific example, here is how to make a root beer slushie, similar to a 7-Eleven Slurpee or a fast food Icee. I'll provide some visual aids, err, photos:

1. One can of soda, usually 12 ounces, is good enough for two slushie servings. Pour as much as you want into fridge-friendly containers, and let the soda flatten for a few hours. You could always substitute this recipe with about 12 ounces of any blend of liquids, fluids, and beverages.

2. You'll need two "glassfuls" of ice to blend two slushie servings. I use a plastic tumbler that's about the same size as a travel coffee mug. I only use refrigerator machine "cubed" ice, and I have been satisfied with the results. I don't know if ice tray cubes will have similar results. I do know that crushed ice won't do, however.

3. Pour 12 ounces of flat root beer with two "glassfuls" of ice cubes into the NutriBullet container. Sprinkle some sugar to sweeten the ice; don't go overboard, though. You just want the sweetness level to remain on par with the original drink, if you're using flat soda.

4. Close the NutriBullet container with the six-blade cover and blend to the count of 30. If the mix is correct, the container should be packed to the blade but loose enough to have space to mix and blend. A good blend will continuously blend for the entire count of 30. A bad blend will have the blades blend nothing for some part of the count of 30. These proportions are not recommended by the manufacturer, so your results may vary. In other words, don't blame me for any NutriBullet-related accidents!

5. Scoop or pour carefully into two relatively large glasses (over 12 ounces), make more if needed, and enjoy!

The end. Cheers!

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Finding Fault in Every #Generation: #TriggerWarning: #Sarcasm, #Criticism, and #Facetiousness

Place tongue firmly in cheek. Every generation is to blame. For what? For everything.

The Greatest Generation (adult age during World War II) might have saved the world from fascism, but they failed to discover how to live forever. And now, they are all disappearing from the world. Save us, Captain America!

The Silent Generation (born slightly before and during World War II) and the Baby Boomers (born after the war) did an okay job at raising Generations X and Y. They brought us rock 'n roll. Unfortunately, Baby Boomers still run the world, and they are doing a piss-poor job at it.

The Baby Busters, err, Generation X (born from the early '60s to the early '80s, plus or minus a few years) brought us Nirvana and cool stuff like that. Unfortunately, something wrong happened when they became parents. More on that later.

The Post-Xers, err, Generation Y, err, the Millennials (born from the '80s to the turn of the century, plus or minus) have a chance at raising their kids better than the Baby Busters. Then again, the most noteworthy of Millennials are either shallow "celebrities" or people who sign up for scuzzy-ass websites that get hacked -- or both. The least noteworthy are either wannabe "celebrities" or people who sign up for scuzzy-ass websites that get hacked -- or both. Shame, shame, shame. And selfies.

The Post-Millennials, err, Generation Z, or whatever they're called (born from the '90s to the '00s, plus or minus) are the children of Generation X and are now around college age. They tend to be experts at mainstream social media and obscure social media that baffle us older folk. Anyhow, there are some Millennials involved with this, but mostly, it seems that Generation Z brought us the "trigger warning." Or at least they learned it in college campuses and on social media, like Tumblr.

Apparently, a lot of Generation Z people have post-traumatic stress from growing up that warrants the need for "trigger warnings" from the media they consume, especially online media. Depictions of violence or racism or sexism seem to trigger bad memories or emotions for these young adults. Now it would be easy to mock these young adults for being (overly) sensitive, but really --

Blame Generation X. You all had the opportunity to make the world a better place, but you all failed miserably. The 1990s were literally the peak of Western Civilization, except in war-torn regions of the world. The Cold War had ended. Rock music and popular music in general were awesome for a brief handful of years, before mainstream music became crappy again.

Then the Xers grew up and had children. You all did something wrong, perhaps something abusive, because your children -- the Zers -- have "trigger warnings" and post-traumatic stress whenever these "warnings" are "triggered." Oh, and Obama is the first Generation X President -- are you all happy now? I suppose some of you are happy, but others are not; it's a very divisive and contradictory time to be alive.

I suppose we can let the Boomers share the blame; after all, this is their world. All these "triggers" belong to the world order of the Boomers. Then again, would the Xers, who are slowly gaining control, do any better? The answer is no.

I suppose we can pile some of the blame onto the Millennials, with their "reality," apathy, and vanity. It's more of a crime by omission, than anything.

I suppose we can blame the Zers themselves, for with all the Wikipedia in their lives, they never bothered to Google "walking it off." Too harsh? Perhaps harsh enough to warrant, wait for it, a trigger warning.

To the Post-Zers, err, Generation A?, err, the children born recently and in the near future -- I sincerely apologize on behalf of all other generations. You don't get much of a civilization. You get obnoxious "celebrities" and anti-intellectualism and keyboard warriors (oops!). You get clunky politically-correct phrasing and assholes who don't have the time to be politically correct. Tact, politeness, manners, concessions, and refutations won't exist in your world. You get trigger warnings and censorship. You get trolls, bullies, and disinformation. You get inappropriate usage of apostrophes, confusion of homophones, and grammar Nazis who will be tactless about it. You get personal drones, photos of food, and an hourly selfie. Rest assured: We started the fire. You will find that pop culture reference to be incredibly cheesy, but only after you Google it.

In conclusion, we all suck. Ultron, Agent Smith, the Terminator and all the fictional robot antagonists were correct about humanity. Please remove tongue from cheek, and read this rant again.